The picture says a lot. But, is it a true declaration for most black people?

The Shadow initiated a conversation to pursue 'Black Love' by asking the following:

What reasons have we (21st century black people), collectively, given men like Tiger Woods to love who/what he is (half black)? Really think about that for a moment. Think about what we have become. Not become...

Self Hatred stems from what we see/experience/witness. In this case, we have been viewing ourselves and definitely turning away without a positive impression...

-The Shadow

Role Reversal

Please watch the video clip. I found it quite interesting and definitely on-point with what The Shadow and the readers have discussed before.

The roles have been haphazardly and purposely distorted.

Traditionalism has its place when the elements are 'together'. The further we stray from what worked the more we fall deeper and deeper into the worldly abyss of relationship conflict. Recall how much we say, 'music was once good.' 'I wish things were like they use to be.' There is something to our longing for what once was, Tradition. I promise you, if I could wave a magic wond and restore the goods of the past I would in a heart beat. i was not made for what we have today...

http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/real-life-emmad-menem-marriages/

-The Shadow

Sharing was Once Okay

Before we enrolled in kindergarten we should have known the importance of sharing. Right? I recall the numerous pleas my mother made for me to share with my brother and sister: “Brian, you know you are suppose to share.” I also remember how I begrudgingly shared my Salvation Army toys and grandma prepared food with them. It was a much more difficult task for me when moneyless friends surprisingly appeared as the ice cream truck clunkered through the neighborhood hocking expired ice cream. So much for my two Blue Bunny Strawberry Shortcakes! Had to give one to Mookie!

Recently, I mentioned to a friend: “Black women may want to consider sharing the remaining good black men. She may also want to contemplate dating outside her race or not date at all.” I supported my statement with the following information.

*At midyear 2008, there were 4,777 black male inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents being held in state or federal prison and local jails, compared to 1,760 Hispanic male inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents and 727 white male inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents. The rate for black males is expected to climb as it has for years.

*The statistics reveal that less than 1/3 of black males that enroll in college graduate within 6 years and that black women out number black men by a factor of nearly 2:1 in college. 2:1 appears to be a small factor. However, when one considers the imprisonment rate for black men the 2:1 factor becomes considerably significant.

*While African Americans comprise 13.5% of the U.S. Population, 43% of all murder victims in 2007 were African American, 93% of whom were killed by African Americans.

The numbers are not alarming to me at all! For years now, I have been sadly aware that black men are entering Uncle Sam’s and private corporation’s penitentiaries by the numbers, that black men are rare novelties on college campuses, and that black men are slaughtering each other over foolishness e.g. No Snitching Rule.

With this understanding, I have come to the conclusion that black women have some tough decisions to make. Some are already prepared to face reality: “And if by chance I run into the love of my life and he knocks me off my feet, is able to provide for his family, raise and lead our children in a positive direction, and love me with all his might, treats me like the queen that I am, I will not have a problem with the fact that it may not be a brother!!!” –Sherri Rushing

I conclude with a question that immediately prompt my friend to boldly exclaim, “I ain’t sharing no man.”

Really? One, she may be sharing him now – and not know it. Two, she may eat that knee-jerk response sooner rather than later. That’s if she’s unwilling to date outside her race or enjoys going to bed alone for the long term.

Question:

Ladies, are you willing to SHARE a good black man if the circumstances are beneficial to you in some capacity?

-The Shadow

http://touchingtrulytouching.blogspot.com/

Female Emotionalism in the Workplace: Menstruation and Cattiness

Picture taken from the 1939 film, The Women.

Believe it or not, I tip-toe with my commentary. Sometimes I try to think of the receivers of my ‘chatter’ while understanding that what I write may affect someone in a negative way. I pride myself on being convicted, and helping others get to a place of conviction. This is my way of receiving helpful and inspiring messages from readers and my effort to share messages that I have received from countless people. I pray I am effectively recycling opinions and positions well…

In the Shadow Series’ installments I take every step to push the limits. The Shadow can be quite forthright with his perspectives when he is sharing a friend’s story or his own.

With this understanding, The Shadow is Unleashing…again this month.

I will unleash by keeping it really short and blunt as The Shadow can be:

I DO NOT care to work with women any longer. Particularly in a team environment. I am sick and tired of swimming through horrible cramp-filled periods. Wondering which female is bleeding with a d*mn attitude. Wondering who is not PMS’ing three weeks in advance of her cycle. Wondering who I can approach and get a non-emotional response. Wondering who will not stab her female colleague in the back in my presence, and then expect me to go back and tell the other female: ‘Tasha does not like you. Watch out!’ Wondering who will not breakdown in tears just because she has been reprimanded for watching soap operas online at work. Wondering who will not be so d*mn petty that nothing can get resolved. Wondering who can be so d*mn catty that a business meeting does not get started until after 20 minutes of ‘weekend chatter’. Wondering which female will not act like a d*mn female, and get something done! I can go on…and on.

Also, if I had an opportunity to select my very own work team it would be FULL of male athletes. Athletes value successful uninhibited completion. Strict methodology. Unabated reality. Tangible results. And, not useless brainstorming sessions that only serve as ANOTHER impeding barrier and opportunity to talk…again.

I am sick and tired of being consumed by female emotions and high school activities on the job e.g. envy, jealousy, professional vendettas, and gossip. And, if I have to endure another icebreaker with ridiculous outcomes again I am going to do something to get freaking fired!

I ain’t sorry for this one…considering after checking-in with 6 females today who AGREED with my frustrating sentiments: “I wish I did not have to work with women or for a woman.” –Female

This is where I am at this month. I might just be on the RAG.

Written by The Shadow.

Superhead giving Non-head Advice

Searching for a good talk radio show after 8:00PM is a challenge if you are XM Radio challenged, not a subscriber. So, I resort to searching and searching for something besides conservative and liberal chatter. What I have discovered is that the conservatives got the talk radio department on lock. Literally locked down!

On occasion I come across a station that tickles my fancy momentarily. Last night proved to be a night that I got tickled the more I listened to the Bev Smith Show on WAOK 1380AM-Atlanta. Bev’s guest yesterday was Karrine Steffans. Apparently, Superhead YouTube - Karrine talks about her Nickname:SuperHead
has a new book out: http://www.amazon.com/Vixen-Manual-Find-Seduce Keep/dp/0446582271/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1. How to Find, Seduce & Keep the Man You Want.

Really?

The title got my ongoing attention because I am STILL trying my best to take Ms. Steffans seriously. While I listened to her talk all I could think about was the infamous Superhead Flick. Nothing else entered my mind…but her giving Mr. Marcus some type of head that he could not ‘take’. It is evident that Karrine, via the video, does have some talent – but writing is not a skill I gathered from my continuous viewing of the DVD (got me a black market copy). However, I was able to surmise that she is a Master at giving head. She definitely has EARNED her title: Karrine Steffans, SH.

Go figure.

A hip-hop music video groupie turned porn star now wannabe Ann Launders author is offering up advice on how to keep a man. First, it was Steve Harvey sharing his three time divorce pedigree on relationships; and now we have a “saved” porn star who has failed to comprehend that a whore has to leave town to lose her whore status. Starting anew requires relocation and/or FULL redemption. Is Karrine Steffans Born Again? H*ll no! She a secret telling money hungry leech seeking to get loot-phat off her indiscretions and everyone else’s:

Ja Rule, Jay Z, DMX, Booby Brown, Diddy, Fred Durst, Big Tigger, Shaq, Xzibit, and more

Karrine Steffans, with all her self-acknowledged good intentions - “I wrote this book to give much needed guidance to women just like me.” - should be incapable of imparting advice to any female successfully. The failure should begin before her new ‘how to hook a man guide’ is picked-up from a Border’s bookshelf: Don’t even buy it!

But, who is The Shadow to blast Karrine’s book? Well, The Shadow was stupid enough to read it! Just dumb!

Something she wrote may be worthy and/or Inspiring to an Aspiring Slut.

The Shadow’s idea/suggestion for Karrine will keep her where she belongs: On her knees.

The Shadow Suggestion to Karrine Steffans:

Record a step by step training (DVD) on giving a blow job. Then market and sale to black women since sistas appear to be “afraid of da d*ck”.

Am just saying…

And, to close with a possible spark-flying question:

Why are so many black women so resistant to giving head?

(Question comes from black male concerns that are discussed by married and single black men)

The Shadow from the Shadow Series.

http://rebellioussacrifice.blogspot.com/

Not another Cheating Discussion…

When I created The Shadow Series blogspot I envisioned it being a public forum for men and women to communicate about the complex issues men face with women. That has presented itself in various forms i.e. marriage, dating, sexual intercourse, differences in the genders’ thought processes, etc. Much of what is here (the blog entries) have stayed true to my vision. I am thankful for that considering The Shadow is only trying to stimulate dialogue that will be useful for both male and females.

The only criticism The Shadow has as the creator is the amount of back and forth men/women do concerning one topic:

CHEATING

While I am not amazed that we care so much about this heated conversation piece; I am somewhat burned out on it. Perhaps, it is because women just don’t get it.

To bring finality to the Cheating Discussion once and for all on The Shadow Series please read the brief statement (below) The Shadow made in an email correspondence then scroll down to the Comment icon, click on it, and read the feedback that was generated from The Shadow’s Closing Argument.

“Let me be clear, a man will cheat for NO REASON AT ALL. Life could be GREAT on the home front. Dynamic. Lovely. EVERYTHING good. Including the same old stale booty from his wife. BUT, the man will cheat anyway. The best of us have done it. Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, and more. Probably a person reading Dad has stepped out on Momma. It has nothing to do with wanting an upgrade. Heck, The Shadow has cheated with women who he did not want to bang missionary. Why? Their face was not pleasing to him. ‘No, let me hit it from the back.’ LOL!”

The Shadow has said this time and time again…to the same reader/respondents (females) – but they still don’t get it. Or, perhaps they are living on another planet.

-The Shadow

Cheating: Could it be deserved?

"If we're going to point fingers at men behaving badly, we have to take a look at the women's behavior that may provoke it." -Wendy Atterberry

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/17/tf.is.cheating.ever.deserved/index.html

Cheating

I like the way Atterberry addressed the topic. I am certain there are women reading who believe a man should NEVER cheat. However, some women are the impetus of the cheating. Yes, it is actually the female's fault in some cases.

-The Shadow

Is the Cookie Really that Precious?

The Shadow has been trying to understand something every since he started having sex. In order to not prolong your interest he will just jump right into it. Not into some booty but into a man’s ongoing dilemma:

Why in the world do women think that giving up there cookie/biscuit means that they have just ‘honored’ the selected man? Passed on a priceless artifact?

The Shadow does acknowledge that having sex supposedly means something more to females. Yeah, right! They may just be making that up so that they will not feel cheap.

The Shadow wants to put women on notice: Giving it up to a man may indicate something special to you – but it does not mean a damn thing to most men. Actually, men can care less about the complexities women may have experienced around making the decision to prop-up her legs or to get down on her knees and palm of her hands (just read some research that indicates that more women prefer The Doggie Style – so non-intimate).

The Shadow and his cohorts (other perplexed men) also are not thinking that they are ‘special’ because a young lady had sex with them. Men see it as two people that decided to behave like the animals that humans are. Unrestricted. In the flesh!

Honor and prestige are certainly not what men feel when the female leaves satisfied (MOST research suggests that women are RARELY satisfied with sex).

So my question, phrased in a more DIRECT way:

What is it about a woman’s vagina that elevates it to an exclusive category?

The Shadow would like for women to know that just because she had sex with a man it does not mean that he sees it as the best thing that has ever happened to him. Women must understand this! Men see it as another ‘piece’ that he got. An encounter. Not a multi-million dollar prize.

So, The Shadow concludes with a request:

Ladies, please know that the value of your cookie is not of extreme value to many men. If you value it that much I suggest you only give that platinum pu**y to He who is truly Worthy.

Written by The Shadow, the voice of men who want to be bluntly honest with his feelings.

*If I generalized too much for the men reading - my message to the men:

Please stop lying like you have never been the man I am speaking about.

The Allusive Wow Factor

“What up, Dude? How are things going with you and your girl? I like her. She appears to be cool.” -The Shadow
"All good on this end. We are doing fine…Yeah, she cool…but she does not give me that Wow Factor.” -Dude
“What is the Wow Factor.” -The Shadow
"I am not sure if she really does it for me? Well, she does but…can’t explain it.” -Dude
“What do you mean? Is she affectionate? Does she listen to you? Does she cook for you when you work late? Does she nag you about hanging out with the fellas? Is she giving you the sex frequently? Can you two have a decent intellectually conversation? Does she give good head?” -The Shadow
“I don’t know…I just may need that excitement thing. Don’t know. “No. She does not nag me. Yes to all the other questions.” -Dude
“How long are we (men over 35) going to continue to look for a damn “Wow Factor”? I guess we will continue to search and search for that ‘feeling’ when in fact we are already getting EVERYTHING we REALLY need from the woman we have selected to be with. It is like we (men) are just waiting and waiting for some miracle to happen: To be knocked down by beauty and all the other superficial BS that we say we need. Here you are pleased with the woman you are dating. She is adhering to all your wants/desires – but you want that Wow Factor? A factor you cannot even define. Love the one you are with, Nigga. Bye!” –The Shadow

(CLICK)

Okay…I was wrong for hanging up on him…I know! I am just amazed by the confused mindsets of some men. Including me! We say we want this (sex appeal, intelligence, mother qualities, etc. – but in truth we are so convoluted that we are clueless on what we desire from women. We drag women through pig waste (our insecurities), sometimes for years, and then one day ‘wake-up’ with, ‘I am not feeling this any longer. You just don’t do it for me.’ Most of the time we don’t tell that committed woman about our early morning revelation. We just start seeing someone else who is now Wow-ing us.

Men are idiots!

Shared by The Shadow.

http://muatatruthtelling.blogspot.com/

The Penis is a Well Liked Dummy

Why in the world would I make that declaration? Men can answer that question. Some may not agree with me – but they know at one time, and possibly now, that their predictable ‘magic stick’ is/was an idiot. Here are a few reasons why I ‘stand erect’ by this FACT.

*The penis will stand at attention for just about anything/anybody. He has been accused of gett ing stimulated without provocation every 47 seconds.

*The penis will not perform when he needs to. When his wet comrade really wants it he is unable to work. One shot and done!

*The penis does not practice discrimination. He will go up in anything. Some men have been known to stick their ding-a-ling in wall holes at sex shops.

*The penis does not care if his more intelligent owner keeps him healthy. Women, please FORCE your man to go get Dummy tested. The owner’s Dummy is reckless.

I will stop here. There are more.

Interestingly enough, the penis still has the capability of whipping the hell out of the weakest and strongest women. The woman who has the lowest of self-esteems and the woman with the ‘I can do this by myself’ mentality are subject to the Whip Appeal (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xaLHnNTv0U). All he has to do is ‘work it right’ and be of decent size (documented female size preference is 7 to 8.25 inches in length and from 6.15 to 6.25 inches in circumference).

Penis Size Preference Chart

So, now the big question that will surely piss some women off:

How in the world can a woman be so damn strung out over a Dummy?

Yeah, I know a man can be pussy trained – but nothing makes a woman behave in a ridiculous manner like A Good Dumb Dick. She can evolve into the cousin of Dummy, Ms. Stupid.

Think about how women behave when Dummy stops performing for her for whatever reason. Well, this reason: Dummy begins to be dumb somewhere else: up in another woman’s Savory Intelligences (between her legs). Think about what she will subject herself to e.g. verbal/physical abuse, disease, financial ruin, etc. Think about it!

Under these circumstances I would rather have a Dummy connected to me:

He can be dumb and still get the warm and juicy Cookie from Ms. Strung Out.

Read how confident Dummy the Dick is,

“I got the magic stick. I know if I can hit once, I can hit twice. I hit the baddest chicksShorty don't believe me, then come with me tonight. And I'll show you maaagic. (What? What?) Maaagic. I got the magic stick!"

What say you?

Written by The Shadow.

If only men could 're-make' their Dummy (picture above).

Steve Harvey’s Book: An Official Review without Reading

I am not a Steve Harvey fan. Chris Rock’s my go to guy for jokes. I do not wake-up yearning to hear what Steve is pushing. My preference is NPR and Neil Boortz in the AM. I have not purchased his new book, Steve Harvey at Amazon. Decided to get Tavis’s (Black America’s stepchild) new book instead, Tavis Smiley Accountable. He’s talking about something that sustains my interest and reminds me to make better decisions these days: Accountability. No, I will not read Steve’s book. What I have done is read various editorials to gain his perspective of what I have entitled, The Pathetic, but Artful Sham. Besides, he does not need my $16. He will surely get plenty of folk’s money now that the Queen of Making Millionaires has co-signed on his triple divorce opinions, generalizations, and facts. All I need is one episode on Oprah!

Men have been masters of pretending to be something that they are not. Some claim to be wealthy businessmen others profess to be great fathers. However, some men in this atrocious dating climate have decided to be less than what they really are so that they will not be expected to commit. Believe that, ladies! There are men out there who are genuinely chivalrous, caring, romantic, communicative, affectionate, giving, and all the wonderful characteristics of a ‘good man’ – but he has artfully shammed women into ‘accepting’ that he is an asshole.

A brotha told me a few days ago that he has not been who his mother raised him to be with women because if he does he will be flooded with desperate attempts to marry him off or women will arrive with an overnight bag when the rendezvous is suppose to be a booty call, nothing more. I was confused at first, but it began to make sense. This man has decided to be something he is not so that women will not get attached. He has altered his personality so that he can maintain his singlehood without commitment pressure. He has been living outside of his authentic self to deflect a woman’s love. Even with the, ‘I am not interested in a relationship at this point in my life’ disclaimer; he has still found it necessary to hoodwink women into believing that he is a jerk.

Guess what?

His efforts are a waste of time. The women he has shammed remain head over hills.

What is a man to do?

Men and women are consciously removed from their authenticity (true selves). This leaving all of us who are still searching for Mr./Mrs. Right in an abyss of shameful falsehood. Women carrying on like men or not facing reality (he just banging you) - and men doing the normal: Evading commitment like little boys. Everybody purposefully faking, no one living in their purpose.

I gather from my research that Steve Harvey’s book covers my commentary. I accept checks.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/23/o.steve.harvey.love.advice/index.html

http://advice.eharmony.com/article/steve-harvey-act-like-a-lady-think-like-a-man.html
Written by The Shadow.

Drama and Disagreement after the Legs Open

The email correspondence began with, “I miss you”. A disclosure that begs for an identical sentiment. Unfortunately, the conversation below ended in the typical feminine outburst and with a brand of machismo innocence.

What is the usual result when a woman has invested her feelings (opened up her legs) while the man has not taken any action to become emotionally involved/connected (behaving like the animal he is)? DRAMA that rarely ends with the female admitting she may just be responsible for her very own pity party. DISAGREEMENT that relinquishes the male of any responsibility.

The Conversation

Good morning Mr. Man. I miss you. –The Female
Miss you too. No boyfriend yet? –The Male
Very funny.........don't see that happening any time soon. –The Female
I was serious. Has one of your old lovers replaced me? –The Male
Nope...no replacement. When I'm alone and needing to be touched I just imagine it's you instead of my hand. What about you? –The Female
I think you are not telling the truth. Sex is getting overrated to me. –The Male
New Years Eve was the last time. I've never lied to you. Do you remember that night we were up at 4am reading magazines because I couldn't sleep and no one felt like they had to talk? I like that. I do miss the sex (with you). I miss it a lot because we are good together, but I also miss how comfortable I am with you. That’s hard to come by. And by the way, you didn't answer my question. Just because you feel it's overrated doesn't mean you're not doing it. :o) –The Female
Wow. I think I've done it a few times since then. –The Male
So I guess I'm the one whose been replaced. I didn't realize how much that would hurt. It does. Wow! –The Female

The Ending

The female is hurt, disappointed, crushed, and/or feeling cheap. The male is standing his ground: “I did nothing wrong. I was honest from the beginning.”

Men Real Talk (Mr. Man 1 and Mr. Man 2)

I can't stop laughing. "we are good together". She can’t be serious. I wonder if women realize that men hear that a lot. I wonder if they realize that most sexual encounters with men are just that, a damn encounter. And, she's "hurt". I want to read your response to her “hurt” disclosure. Send it, man! –Mr. Man 1

At this stage I'm wise enough to allow women to stubbornly hold on to their self imposed fantasies which are often laced with deceit and manipulation. –Mr. Man 2

You are seriously not going to respond to her? Leaving her bewildered? Hurt? Disappointed? –Mr. Man 1

Yep. We have gone through this for 2 years. –Mr. Man 2

And, she still lingering with this pathetic ‘I am so hurt crap’? Is there more to the story? –Mr. Man 1

No. I told her that I could only provide her with sex. Of course, I treat her well when she is in my company. As I do all of my company. I have told her on several occasions that I have sex with other women. This is her choice. –Mr. Man 2

I just don't get it. You were that upfront - but she's "hurt". Just a failure to protect her feelings...in my book! Women set themselves up for their own pain! And, men end up the villains! I have said it time and time again: Men should not be responsible for making decisions to protect a females' feelings when they (men) are in fact NOT responsible for their emotions/feelings. Yes, we should not deliberately hurt women - but men cannot live their lives tiptoeing because a woman may get upset or hurt by a decision she MADE to satisfy her animalistic desire. Damn that shyt! You are in the clear! I guarantee you that she will call wanting you to ‘touch’ her. –Man 1

The Conversation continued after the Female spent a night of being “hurt”

Sex date Friday at lunch? Your place.................can I eat it? –The Male
You don't even have to ask.............all yours. –The Female

Men Real Talk continued

Mr. Man 1: She will be crying soon. All hurt again.
Mr. Man 2: Like you said, I am in the clear!

Assembled by The Shadow.

The Ratio Consequence

*The Image (above): Random Dude up in a Vagina?*

I reluctantly went to a NYE's house party. Was tired and was afraid it would be a waste of my time. Thankfully, the party was fun. Friends, libation, and food. The makings of a good time. Oh! I forgot to mention plenty of women.

I am never the life of a party. What I typically do is eat and drink without socializing with unfamiliar folk. Don't need anymore friends, and to be very honest I am not that interested in meeting ANOTHER woman.

To the point:

We are at an age (late 30's) where getting a nut is not all that critical. Right? With this in mind, I went to the party with the expectation NOT to hook-up. This is my attitude all the time, by the way. I just want a 'lounge' environment. Unfortunately for me, living in Atlanta has proven that getting some azz just happens even when you don't care to bang. It is almost a guarantee! A guarantee that I wish on many occasions had better odds of being a ‘surprise upset’.

The Scenario:

Girl I met a year ago and have seen maybe three other times is at the party. She tight. Has all the trimmings: smart, body, beauty, and money. You know, the typical in Atlanta; and in most urban cities throughout the United States considering that too many black men are in prison, on their way to prison, at the cemetery, liking men, or so fed-up with black women that he got himself a Jack Johnson arm piece.

She has always flirted. I flirt back. She knows everything about my 'love life'. Knows it all. No lies/No secrets. Don’t have to hide anything in The A. Keep ya wedding band on, Niggas! Party is dying down. Girl goes next door to her friend's house to go to sleep. I decide to stay the night. Too liquored-up to drive. I go over to the girl's friend house to park my head on the sofa. Definitely my innocent intention. I called out for the girl. She answers. I enter the room where she plans 'to sleep'. She is in the bed naked. She made sure that I noticed that! She summons, “Just lay with me for a few.” I oblige. She says, "You men have it so easy. You leave a party. Find me in a bed. And, now, you are about to get some. Black women got it tough out here while you brothas just get p*ssy so easily. Please f*ck me good."

Sometimes I just want to stay home to avoid the plethora of azz. Grown azz man hiding from p*ssy.

The Reality as told by The Shadow:

In the A can be ridiculously easy. It is a non-challenge. The women are fine, intelligent, some wealthy - but psychologically jacked-up as a result of The Ratio. All this leaving America's FADING Mecca with a tough reality: Not a good place to find a wife or husband. Unless the brotha is willing to pull layer after layer back from the complex and bruised soul of America’s black women. Unless the sista is desperate enough to hang on while Mr. Man plays - and plays in the cheap Candy Store.

Well, well, well.

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

To Cheat God, my Wife, and Myself

I have been married for 8 years. The first seven years were remarkable. I went into my marriage believing it would be a difficult adjustment for me. After being single for so long I was afraid that I would have a hard time adapting to sharing and compromising. I must admit that it has not been that tough. I attribute this to my wife. She has been my rock. My confidant. That special friend we all have needed or will need one day. It is her that’s made this new status blissful. But, like all good runs there are steep hills that can stop the best man/woman in his/her tracks.

For the past year my wife and I have NOT HAD SEX. It was not until the six month that I started to believe that we could be heading in the wrong direction. Going without sex for half a year after getting it at least 2-3 times a week for eight years has disrupted the flow of our marriage. Sex is certainly not everything – but it has been a part of our foundation.

We have used sex to procreate, for fun, for the good sensory feeling it brings, and to eliminate stress. Both of our children are older, and do not require the task that typically get in the way of a pleasing sexual experience. My wife claims she is “temporarily unmotivated”. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Baby, I am just going through something. I will be back to normal soon.” She has assured me that she does not have a health or psychological issue. So, what could be the problem?

I have not gained any weight. I am still “fine”. She tells me this every other day – but she ain’t following the compliments up with giving me the azz. At this point, I am extremely frustrated. I have prayed about this. Still no answer. Being that I am a saved man (a deacon in the church); I must say that I am spiritually conflicted too.

My flesh constantly pulls me toward satisfying that sexually urge and need. My mind tells me that cheating is not the answer. However, I feel CHEATED by my wife. Here I am, a dynamic father, great husband, and a devoted Christian – but I am currently in a predicament where my options are: go out and get some booty or wait this out with my wife. For another freaking year?!
To be quite frank, I have been more than patient. It has been a damn year without sex from my friend and lover. And, even more critical for me is I am pissed off at my wife for putting me in this complex spot: On the verge of breaking my commitment to God. This one factor angers me the most because I am at this crossroad of dishonoring my Lord. Ultimately, it will be God who I betray. The vows. The sanity of our union is at stake because my wife woke-up one morning, and decided she was tired of having sex. She has that right, of course. Nonetheless, we have a duty to please each other in the ways that we established prior to marriage and during our marriage.

She is not holding up her end of the deal, and if she does not deal appropriately I am going to end up Cheating God, my wife, and myself. No one wins under these circumstances. No one!

What shall I do?

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

The Purpose

On too many occasions the black man’s voice has been stifled by ‘the system’ that he has invested his faith, time, and trust. This act of non-inclusion and rejection single-handedly leads to pervasive frustration and all sorts of complexities that will and have contributed to the Plight of the Black Man. Included in this conflict is his ongoing attempts to be a ‘good man’. A decent man for his wife/girl, children, and community.

Some believe living in America is an easy task if only you are motivated to attain the American Dream. However, the black man has found the attainment to be somewhat littered with conflict: Downs.

One ‘down’ that’s typically prevalent in his daily life is his relationship with black women. Again, some believe the system I have referred to has been the culprit, the poison that has handicapped the black male-female relationship dynamic.

On this blog The Shadow will address issues of the black man. He will regurgitate the varying – but poignant occurrences of black men in written form. All situations have been shared with The Shadow over the years. With the permission of the black man (who was brave enough to share his story), The Shadow will make an attempt to retell the life event without any spin whatsoever.

On this sacred place of literary disclosure, The Shadow asks all readers to provide feedback, state an opinion, and/or continue to be silent.

-The Shadow