When I created The Shadow Series blogspot I envisioned it being a public forum for men and women to communicate about the complex issues men face with women. That has presented itself in various forms i.e. marriage, dating, sexual intercourse, differences in the genders’ thought processes, etc. Much of what is here (the blog entries) have stayed true to my vision. I am thankful for that considering The Shadow is only trying to stimulate dialogue that will be useful for both male and females.The only criticism The Shadow has as the creator is the amount of back and forth men/women do concerning one topic:
CHEATING
While I am not amazed that we care so much about this heated conversation piece; I am somewhat burned out on it. Perhaps, it is because women just don’t get it.
To bring finality to the Cheating Discussion once and for all on The Shadow Series please read the brief statement (below) The Shadow made in an email correspondence then scroll down to the Comment icon, click on it, and read the feedback that was generated from The Shadow’s Closing Argument.
“Let me be clear, a man will cheat for NO REASON AT ALL. Life could be GREAT on the home front. Dynamic. Lovely. EVERYTHING good. Including the same old stale booty from his wife. BUT, the man will cheat anyway. The best of us have done it. Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, and more. Probably a person reading Dad has stepped out on Momma. It has nothing to do with wanting an upgrade. Heck, The Shadow has cheated with women who he did not want to bang missionary. Why? Their face was not pleasing to him. ‘No, let me hit it from the back.’ LOL!”
The Shadow has said this time and time again…to the same reader/respondents (females) – but they still don’t get it. Or, perhaps they are living on another planet.
-The Shadow
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI will say that when I read Brian's words below I had to agree with him. Not too long ago, this guy that I once kicked it with saw me at an event. He was there with his girlfriend ( so I thought) Later that night the guy sent me a text message along the lines of "I can't be in the same room with you" I ignored his message but continuously receive them from him, text came in the early morning, some in the form of e-mail. When I confronted him and asked "Don't you have a girl" He advised "NO" I knew he was lying, therefore I asked him to stop messaging me. One day he had the gall to send me an email asking if I believed in Monogamy. Clear up to a few days prior to his getting married... he sent me at least one text. I guess to see if he could hit it one last time before he made his vow of misery. I told a girlfriend about this guy, and we attempted to understand how a man could be engaged to another woman while at the same time trying to get some booty from someone in the past. For the life of me I COULDN'T understand. I realized that this guy is a DOG, plain and simple. He may have a good woman by his side but he's only thinking about pleasing "Dumb Donald" as The Shadow would say. Not only have I lost ALL RESPECT for this guy, but I feel somewhat sorry for the woman who has married this man thinking he's the "one" or maybe not...
In no way did I ever lead him to believe that I was down with "sharing another woman's man" and NEVER will be. I think that we as FEMALES need to make sure that we are stern when approached by a man who is Already in a relationship, I don't care if it's a girlfriend, a wife, in the process of separating/divorce or getting ready to marry... A SINGLE WOMAN should not be up in another man's face if he's INVOLVED. POINT BLANK... At the same token, a man who KNOWS he's involved should not be seeking booty from another woman other than his girlfriend, fiancée, wifey or soon to be ex. Please don't take this message as me being a "woman scorned" I'm far from that. I'm just upset with the mentality of men!
-SR
Reader Responds to SR:
ReplyDeleteYes, SR he wanted to hit that one more time and again, again,and again IF you let him. Thanks for putting him in his place but as soon as things are not right at home he will call again. They usually do. Yes, we as women need to be straight up front but so do men and I think that’s where much of the problem comes from. Not being HONEST. Oh, I have one that claims he’s leaving his baby momma as soon as the GA law about child support is in effect. I thought I had heard it all but that took the cake.
I don’t know what we as women can do. It’s almost damn if u do damn if you don’t. I agree with Brian that men cheat for no reason at all. Seen it firsthand growing up with my sisters and they bull they put up with. Steve Harvey even said it in his book and he had some good points in his book.
Just throwing this out there, www.chatpresents.com has an open forum on The State of the Black Man. My sister and cousin attended one a few weeks ago and they were very impressed. The next event is at Hank Stewarts all white affair not sure when.
Take care all
-DM
Reader Responds to DM and SR:
ReplyDeleteOnce again, the underlying message is that many women are "victims" in many experiences with men. Since you made reference to Steve Harvey I'll point out the Strawberry Letters. Most of these letters are from females that Supposedly have been "wronged" by men. Usually she tells everything she did right and everything he did not. Shirley gives her opinion and Steve gives his. In the end, it boils down to decisions. Here is my view point: We all have areas that need work when it comes to Relationships and Relations. It appears that men are clearer on this subject than women are. The major confusion for women is when men lie. Unfortunately many man lie to maintain Relations with women. By the way, my definition of relations is Primaraly SEX. The major confusion for men is when women don't understand that good sex does not constititute a Relationship. By the way, men make efforts to date women, show interest in their feelings, liisten to them, ask them to be their woman, and even marry them when they are in Relatioships. As far as women bonding together that's a great idea! Brian was right, men think too much with their penis. At the same time, men recognize the schemes, plots, jealousy, and competitiveness in women when it comes to a man they find interesting. For those women that are married, congratulations! Your man chose you for more than your vagina. For those that don't understand why men approach you in a lesser manner than you want, Evaluate yourselves and be truthful with your signals.
-PM
SR responds PM:
ReplyDeletePM,
What is there about attempting to CHEAT with someone that can be put into perspective as you say?!?
In no way do I feel as though I'm the victim. If anyone's a victim. It's more than likely the wife of this guy who married him. Yes I agree that respect is earned and not given and I gave nothing but respect to this guy (as well as his girlfriend) by asking him to discontinue e-mailing/texting me. As well, I consider my relationship with the people in my life, therefore I am careful to make sure I weed out the ones who should/and shouldn't be in my life. When they make moves as this guy has done, it shows me that he's most def not one I can to have in my life not even as a friend. I'm pleased with the choice I've made.
-SR
DM responds to PM:
ReplyDeleteYou made some good points PM. The Strawberry letters are a trip and are 99% written by women with some damaged goods. I have definitely started evaluating what signals I’m giving off. Well, is it really lying or as women are we not asking the right questions or is it as women we hear what we want to hear. Damn if we do Damn if we don’t.
-DM
The Shadow speaks:
ReplyDeleteeventually every man/woman wants someone to share their life with. we need this in most cases to feel complete. however, i suggest that we spend more time ALONE. it is obvious we are not ready when we say that we are. this goes for men and women. women get married because 'society' says they should. men get married because they ready to stop 'playing'. also, MOST women are not victims! they KNOW FULL WELL what type of situation that they are entering. they know, in time, when a man just wants to bang. they know when he is COMPLETELY using them - but to satisfy that INSECURE yearning to be with a man/have a man they typically allow a man to walk all over them. (and, please do not come at me with 'no man ain't walking on me.' ya lying. you have been crapped on if you have ever dated. probably knew it too!) i do not have any sympathy for these women. NONE. why? because they made the FINAL decision to be with the man in whatever way. so stop crying! also, why is it my responsibility as a man to monitor your (female) decisions. like i (a man) should not bang because the female has indicated that she my want more - BUT she has her legs wide open. many men are not going to make the 'right decision' for you. nope. i say you (female) make it for YOURSELF, damn it! stop depending on the man to be the gatekeeper of your pu**y.
-The Shadow
Reader KH responds to The Shadow:
ReplyDeleteWe are on the same page! I agree with everything you said. But realize, often women are taught early to get a husbnad, kids and white picket fence. The nurturer in us says we are supposed to have a hlepmate! Somewhere along the line. we were not taught properly anymore. By the lwas of GOD, we are designed to have a man, just like you are designed to have a woman. However, in that design, it does not say man hump everything you see and women, you must allow them to do so. So now The Shadow, what are your suggestions to break years of Generational Curses of this bad behavior?
Reader PL responds to The Shadow:
ReplyDeleteA woman sets the tone of the relationship when dealing with ANY man.
-PL
The Shadow responds to PL:
ReplyDeletewomen are in the DRIVER'S SEAT...especially in the beginning. typically after the woman gets some GOOD d*ck it is a little harder for her to take back control. her emotions that got all out of whack because the man PUT IT DOWN are in disarray. and, we say men are controlled by the other brain. appears to me women are controlled by the way magic stick makes her vagina feel! i have known several women that should have left a man but she could not because the D kept calling her.
-The Shadow
Reader NJ responds to The Shadow:
ReplyDeleteI beg to differ…..same thing happens to a man, when a woman PUTS IT ON HIM!!....you’ve been there, right? Women, CAN control their emotions, “MR”!
She can make up her mind, I just want the D or not. Some do get caught up, it’s called being whipped. It’s happened to the best. Then when she gets Off of being “Stuck on Stupid”. That D that you say is calling her?.....she gets selective hearing loss.
-NJ
The Shadow responds to NJ:
ReplyDeleteNever been caught-up. I utilize my mind (in my head) and eliminate the emotions when it comes to sex. Whipped? To a vagina? Right.
Men typically separate emotions and what is dependable (reality). Reality is the best gauge of what is important. Emotions will have one all over the place. The funny thing: men mainly think of the sex as sex; nothing too special about it. The same. Just a different woman. Women can lose their mind over an irresponsible penis.
I speak from experience... Many of these women from COUNTLESS walks of life have been strung over a sex session.
-The Shadow
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteSetting the direction of a relationship should be based on the individuals who are in the relationship. I believe that both the man and woman have to be upfront and honest about their intentions. And if one of them finds that what they want the other person is not looking for (regardless of what the other person says) it is their responsibility to act accordingly. The classic example is when a women tells a man that she can handle being casual sex partners but in reality she cannot. She is not fooling herself or the man, while it seems like she should stand up and say I can't handle this, doesn't the man bear some responsibility to not venture down a road that can only lead to disaster?
We all have insecurities that are displayed in many forms. Unfortunately, for some women and men their insecurities imprision them in disfunctional relationships. While it is important for us to choose people who are on the same page and when we are "ready", it is not as important to be in relationships that will help us become better people? having the age old disucssion about who's role it is to control the relationship will only be trapped in this game forever, we have to take a stand and break out of it!!
-MF
The Shadow responds to MF:
ReplyDeleteNo.
Again, I AIN'T THE GATEKEEPER OF A PUSSY.
We should only stay in relationship that are MAKING US BETTER.
-The Shadow
Reader MF responds to The Shadow:
ReplyDeleteyou need to be the gatekeeper of your penis, and if you know that you are not attracted to a women so the only way you can have sex with her is from the back, you need gatekeep your penis. why would you do participate in activities that you know will lead to someone else getting hurt? that is my problem my friend!! even if you know that the women isnt ready for sex that also probably means that she will get hurt in the end, so why would you want to hurt someone who in your eyes is not ready? be the bigger person and step away from the situation. it is not about being the gatekeepers of a womens pussy, it is about being the gatekeeper of your decisions.&nbs p;are there not men that also fall in the same category, wanting more, getting sprung from the P, and being mistreated by women? what do you say about them?
-MF
The Shadow responds to MF:
ReplyDeletenever been sprung. sex is sex. it becomes 'special' because women are conditioned to believe that it is. men see it as intercourse. nothing more. it is her for us to enjoy and procreate. all this feeling crap around it is for women and their emotions. men stick it in and take it out. women receive the dick which creates a 'oneness experience'.
-The Shadow
Hello B,
ReplyDeleteI know I am late to this discussion (smiles). First Happy Belated Birthday. Every birthday should be viewed as a special milestone because you had another year to be here on planet earth with your son and show him what a real father looks like, feels like and should be and that within itself is enough to jump up and down and shout it from the roof tops that YOU ARE ALIVE LOL!
Now you know I am an avid reader even I do not comment (smiles) so you know I have read mostly all your work and yes you have been sprung! Remember that piece you wrote back in the day "Love Is Always The Answer." Within the context of that discover you revealed that you loved three women before and was actually sprung over them! So please do not try to portray yourself as some cold-hearted man, which you are NOT! That just f*ck whatever that moves if you choose too. There is plenty of love in you to share with a woman. However, it is unfortunate that many women seek a man to fulfill/complete us when only we ourselves can do that for ourselves. We have to come into the relationship already whole, complete, and not looking for a man or a woman to do that for us. A mate only comes in our lives to enhance it, not to make it worst. But Better! If they are not doing that then why would you need them?
When it comes to cheating, I think the 80/20 Rule applies. One has to evaluate if what they have is worth losing and if one values their relationship whether male or female because both men and women cheat. Then self-discipline will kick into high gear and over rule the urge to have sex outside of the contents of marriage or if the person is in an exclusive relationship. Women and Men have to communicate and be open to the truth that our partner will reveal to us!
Hey, I respect a man that will tell me that I am slipping in any area of our relationship so that I could kick my game up to the next level. Because if he is unhappy or is irritated by something I am doing that I might think is cute I would respect him so much more for telling me straight up to cut that sh*t out LOL.
Life is the best trip that we will ever journey through. We must live this life to the fullest by staying in the present moment and plan for the future. Because our children are counting on us to show them healthy relationships between Black Men and Women.