I am Free

Without a doubt 2011 was by far one of the best years of my adult life; with it all beginning to be a year of cherished appreciation on February 25, 2011 at 5:30PM. 

On that remarkable day I became a liberated man with the help of a strategic but ultimately a bureaucratic decision made by the Corporation for National and Community Service. Goodwill of North Georgia’s federal grant application with CNCS for an additional three years of AmeriCorps representation and service was denied at the beginning of Black History Month. 

That decision was believed by me at the time to be tragic. I panicked…I was afraid. So many thoughts filled my brain: ‘What am I going to do about health insurance…How I will afford to pay the pre-school tuition?’ Ultimately, the business decision led to my termination of employment with Goodwill of North Georgia. I was not fired…just let go. That indicating to me that the magnificent AmeriCorps program and members that I managed were essentially no longer needed at Goodwill. 

In Goodwill’s and CNCS’s regretful retrospect, I am convinced that the service of these great men and women is missed and to some extent still desired. Nonetheless, my departure was choreographed to be quiet and without my words of respectful, but piercing protest. Admittingly, I was somewhat bitter, but not filled with unhealthy contempt. 

Little did I know that Goodwill and the Corporation was helping me attain the most sought after status known to mankind:

FREE

 The Freedom was initially rocky. Like a typical Living to Work American, it was difficult to accept that I was no longer mentally attached to a 9 to 5 or confined by a BlackBerry. I bounced from intense clinical depression to happiness and back to treatable and eventually conquered depression. The Freedom continued with me developing feelings of resentment. I resented the pieces of expensive paper that just this week made their way into a frame accented by colorful borders; eventually finding a home on my freshly painted walls…My undergraduate and seminary degrees. The Freedom found its way to my pessimistic philosophical disposition. Then suddenly I woke-up one morning prepared to acknowledge that this turbulent boat ride had to come to an end; I made my way back to land.  

On that peace-filled day in October I thought about the now minor blip in my journey…my storm. It was over. The waters became still. And, to this very day I am happy…I am a purchaser and an owner of Simplicity. 

 

After all these years I have secured what so many die chasing. Yes, I am broke. Yes, I am barely making it each month. Yes, I have had to dig deep for more humility. Yes, I have borrowed money. Yes, my credit score has taken an irreparable hit. Yes, I have accepted handouts. Yes, I have participated in lawful activity that many may tag as immoral so that I could provide for not myself – but for my Mordecai and Emani. Yes, I am on Shore!

Most importantly, I have Arrived. I am ready to live…already living – and good, by the way. I am in an emotional state that welcomes death. That’s a wonderful place…feeling. To know that my living has not been in vain and to know that life should be what we fight not to accept or be, Simple.

I thank all the kindhearted men and women who have been in the dark corner with me this year…even when I did everything in my power to isolate myself from you, your help, and your well-wishes you remained resolute…determined to bring me out of my disgusting self-pity.  

I am Free, and I intend on NEVER becoming imprisoned again. If this means that I have to empty trash, clean pools, rake and bag leaves, pull debris out of gutters, move furniture, walk dogs, wash cars, house-sit, pressure wash steps, disinfect filthy apartments, serve as a taxi driver, donate a seed of life for rewarding compensation, write papers and complete academic assignments for friends, sale and/or pawn all the immaterial items remaining in my home, day labor with men who want what every human being deserves, Dignity

Or never again officially use my treasured symbols of higher learning achievement…I will. 

Believe it or not, my happiness is no longer connected to Uncle Sam’s superficial perquisites for contentment. 

I am Free…

The Shadow

Bustling Indian Business

Saturday was a beautiful day. I fulfilled a few obligations, I spent some quality time with my youngest, Jesse the dog nicely nagged me, I had tacos for dinner and I decided to take a leisurely walk with Jesse the dog and Bryce the toddler. Will never do that again considering Jesse the dog drags me and Bryce has to be the Big Boy, 

Thankfully, I live in an area where sidewalks are in abundance…unlike in the urban Black and Latino communities. There the sidewalks are simply that dirt paths on the side of the street. Unfortunately, in an effort to not get shoes caked with Georgia red clay mud the walkers and Marta bus riders cross streets that are not accompanied by designated crosswalks; therefore leaving women, men and children human targets for super-speeders and serial,

Sometimes my neighborhood can be mistaken for a bustling village in northern India. Men and women with those red ink dots roam. Women appear to be sexually dissatisfied…never smiling like most of the African American women I see daily. Men are irregular formations of men. They are weak, but crafty. The men are scammers...much like Negro preachers that do not preach a theology of

LIBERATION

While walking Jesse the dog she decided to do a #2 on the lawn of the Indian Muslim mosque. I was so embarrassed as families passed - but to be completely honest I had a small chuckle. Not that I was hooraying for disrespecting Allah...nope not the case. It was my way of getting some retribution. These Indians are a pain in my behind...but I adore my museum, my place of peace. My home. So I ain't moving!

Moving is what the Patel shopping plaza was doing. Moving! It was popping with activity like it was the day before Jesus' so called birthday. He was not born in December, damn it! Speaking of Jesus...he was cleverly made a white man then later killed by Jews. However, the Indians have a living white man that they keep rich,

Prince Karīm al-Hussainī, Aga Khan Ismaili

Black Christians are not the only religious zealots hooked on - and equating Jesus to the God Almighty.

Moving on...like my Indian neighbors will after they exhaust all the United States government’s entitlements.

The Indians have a contained community. They grocery shop at their stores. They purchase jewelry at their blood diamond shops. They eat Chinese food that has a hint of Indian curry at their low sanitation grade restaurants. They purchase cheap knockoffs from Taiwan in stores that are definitely not regulated by the FDA or the better business bureau. They lay-a-way mattresses that are destined to be the home of countless bedbugs.

The Indians have everything they need within a one radius. Including a liquor store. It is owned by a 4ft Jewish man who claims his heart bleeds for Israel...just like most hearts of American presidents. By the way, the US government gives more money to Israel than all African countries combined. Money of guilt still given to Jews while Africans continue to perish,

What I cannot escape as I sit here typing away is one question: Why are America’s main streets sinking...dying a slow economic death while mostly illegal alien villages all across America’s landscape are Bustling with Commerce…Bustling with Immigrant Business?

President Barack Obama says that he wants to see Middle America’s abandoned storefronts back open. He has also indicated that he is concerned about the inactivity in/at urban America’s shopping plazas and hubs of tender exchange. Essentially, President Obama not only is expressing his preoccupation with the turtle movement of economic recovery, slow pace of gains in jobs, and the virtually void business development and business revitalization – he appears to have accepted that he and his fellow democrat cronies are impotent.

I can literally drive 20 miles from my culturally ethnic community - and stumble upon abandon shopping centers that were once filled with American owned businesses. Large and small. No bustle! Nothing but vacant lots where homeless men sleep and kids hangout aimlessly Lost.

America is just that,

The American people are dying a slow and painful financial death while Patel-like communities are off the chain with cash being passed from one Indian hand to another. 

 America is what it professed to be, a Melting Pot. With great sadness this country is melting with opportunity for men and women who have plans to take advantage of the American system. Ultimately, they will head back to their homeland filthy (like most of the Indian homes I have entered) RICH and ecstatic that their daughters did not date, have sex, or get pregnant by,

That fact in of itself, leaves me with one final question:

Why did the American white man allow this to happen? 

The Shadow

Love Lost in My Translation

I have had the privilege to meet some dynamic people. Many of them –the females- have become platonic friends, lovers, companions, and/or solidified girlfriends. The girlfriends, all of them, have been top self…the best of the best…dime pieces in every way that I have determined is top dime material e.g. intelligence, compassion, beauty, and maternal quality. I am so thankful for the time spent in their presence…in their intellectual and emotional space.

As life dictates, not all of the relationships ended on good terms – but I am certain that all of my ex-girlfriends will agree that we had a blast for the majority of our involvement. That truth makes me wonder why I am not still with one of the ladies…married…shacked-up…bouncing from her home to my home. Makes me wonder why one young lady that I met approximately 4 years ago did not give me an opportunity to be her Man...just kidding…I know why – and you may find that the reason why: Gay. Makes me also wonder why one additional young lady I met approximately 6 years ago did not give me the opportunity to be her Man…just kidding…I know why.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RTBTXYTDAs  

Wildflower 1, what a damn beauty! She is athletic (works out). She asks provocative questions that challenge men and women to elevate and evaluate their romantic relationships. She from what I can gather has a good relationship with her mother (that is critical for me). Her teeth are the white of white. She is an owner of a business. Her sarcasm does not irritate it pulls you in. She can pour a stiff one and mix a fruity one. She appears to have it all together. Tight she be! She is gorgeous…face…body…and mind! She is my perfection. But I am not her perfection. She gave me a pass because she was not interested in dealing with my fatherhood complexity: Baby Daddy with two children. I respect that…by the way; she specializes in what the photograph (above) invokes.

Wildflower 2, what a damn beauty! She is inquisitive. She sports a natural head of hair. She has the most welcoming smile and demeanor. He skin tone is shiny with elements of healthy glitter. Her sexiness is toxic and I am certain addictive. Her thinking capacity is vast. She is extremely professional, but still ‘workplace warm’. She is slow to anger. Her lips are so moist and full of…NO…full with pleasure. She has a personal story of childhood intricacy that was triumphed by her tenacity to attain success. I am beyond attracted to her…our minds, lust, and similar hopes for humanity are the only fireworks we need…but I am convinced our exclusive lovemaking activity would be/would have been overwhelmingly remarkable. She is my perfection. But I am not her perfection. She gave me a pass because I am not her type. She is openly Gay, and in love with a WOMAN. I respect that…by the way; she could be my Jill Scott…

These are the breaks…my BREAKS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZDUEilS5M4&feature=related

One missed opportunity because of my irresponsible behavior (making babies with two women without marriage as a final outcome).

One missed opportunity because I am not female...If I were female I would have been with her???

Life goes on…including when love gets Lost in your Translation.

The Shadow

This Man is the Politician he SAID he Would not Become

Approximately, two years ago President Obama praised Libya and the Libyan leader, Muammar Gaddafi for agreeing to make his country weaker militarily. This week President Obama during a United Nations sermon referred to a Muammar Gaddafi as a tyrant. Was not Gaddafi a tyrant two years ago? Did he suddenly change? Or, was Muammar ever a tyrant? Which is it?

This week in New York at the United Nations’ Summit during another sermon President Obama changed his tune…No! He turned his back on the Palestinian push for statehood when in fact President Obama ONE year ago supported a Palestinian state. Now, like most Western countries he is kissing the Jews azzes. He actually allowed Benjamin Netanyahu to scold him in the White House…in front of cameras! Now, he somewhat indirectly backs Israel’s oppression, occupation, and massacre of Palestinians.

A year and half ago President Obama met with Hosni Mubarak to talk about Egypt and to praise Egypt for their efforts to eradicate terrorism in the Middle East. When the most recent civil unrest began in Egypt, President Obama turned his back on Mubarak…he supported the demands for Mubarak to step down immediately. That traitorous move in fact has weakened the stability of Egypt and made Egypt more vulnerable for anti-United States government rebels to infiltrate Egypt. 

 No...GW Bush was not this wobbly

When it comes to foreign affairs President Obama is no different than most United States of America presidents. He and the others before him have instituted hypocrisy as a legislation. As a conniving process to gain support for higher poll ratings and additional support for re-election.

In all of this political cowardice and jelly-back maneuvering, I am convinced President Obama is NOT living up to his promise to lead this nation differently. He specifically said, “The people want change in government, and I plan to institute that change with your vote.” President Obama is a liar. He is a charlatan. And, sadly, he is no different than the men before him. He has put himself in this flippant position after saying, “I do not plan to allow Washington to change me. I will not become Washington.” 

 ?????

Sorry, he is impotent…weak…ball-less…but yet, MOST black Americans will not call him out. That is even more spineless! They will not say a damn word against him or in constructive criticism about him. No…these Negroes support him like they continue to support TD Jakes, Eddie Long, Creflo Dollar, and all the others who make them feel good in the moment. If I knew I would get maximum monetary support for emotionally stirring sermons I would have used my seminary degree to become a preacher, and not teach…teach a different brand of the oppressor’s religion.  

President Obama will address/stage all types of social issues/platforms via his position:

*The Beer Summit

*Major speech to address race relations in the United States of America

*Pushed for the reverse of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

*Regularly mentions professional sports

*Discusses family and fatherhood

 *Expresses concern about the USA's public school system

 

But- refused to say a word about the Troy Davis case. No, I did not expect him to defy the federal and state courts. I did not expect him to support a convicted cop killed…killer in the minds of a jury of his peers. I just thought he would go into preacher mode…to help ease the tensions that the case produced ALL over the world. Nope we got http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9peZ5WOtL0 – This is what black churchgoers will get Sunday too...a repeat of the same sound (sermon)... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9peZ5WOtL0

 The Shadow

I am a Black Man...My Weekend was my Reminder

Extremely interesting weekend...frustrating too. I lost my cool. Usually, I am able to ignore pathetic ignorance, shocking stupidity, overbearing arrogance, and ridiculous stereotypical assumptions. 

But, I had enough when a white woman immediately reached for her purse when I approached the area where she was seated. I was simply looking out a window at Panera Bread searching for my brunch date. She was late! Interestingly, the white female did not secure her purse when a male yuppie stepped near her. He obviously was looking and waiting for his date too. I discovered that when he began to get excited like a little girl who was preparing for her first date when his partner arrived. Their embrace was one that I soon had with my female companion…I must say that the expression of male on male love witnessed appeared to be genuine. Completely different from my next brush with insult.

Like I typically do on Saturday morning, I was headed for a walk. On my right was an elderly Indian woman. As I approached at a good distance from her to my left, the frail woman remarkably became a race walker. She darted for her belongings which were sitting on the side walk directly in path. Initially, I was thrown-off by her sudden JR talent. 

 John Riggins

Then I got a clue…she apparently wanted to secure her Bag Lady bags. As if I wanted some roach invested clothing hampers. I stopped…looked at her as she hovered over her cheap belongings then I exclaimed, “Look lady. I don’t care about your damn bags. You have not one item I want. And, you and your light skin people best stop treating me like an Untouchable. Like a Dalit. Get a damn clue.” 

 

*Indian governments have been violently brutal to the darker people of their culture. 

Sticking together is usually the last alternative for African Americans and Africans. Over the years, I have found it difficult to detect collective unity among black people like I have witnessed in the Toco Hills area of Decatur, Georgia. There the Jewish population is abundantly predominant – and their power is quite persuasive. Well, it has been with the Kroger Company. A few weeks ago, a coalition of Jewish men and women who happen to be Kroger customers lobbied and pressured the Kroger corporate office and store manager at the Toco Hill’s location to stop running an audio announcement that was repeatedly played in the store. The brief pork sale commercial was history within four days. Sadly - the slave, 1960’s discrimination, and Jim Crow historical accounts have plagued black people so much that we have issues with greeting each other. I was being friendly –I usually wear my goofy elation on my shoulder and my joy is always accompanied by a bleached teeth smile- unfortunately my happy ‘Hello’ was not received by the beautiful black female that I held a door for and spoke to Sunday morning: “Hello. How are you? What a pretty day!” She glared at me and snipingly asked, “Dang, why are you so happy?” No, thank you. No salutation in return. But, she was dressed for church…Typical Black Female Christian in Atlanta: Mad, High & Mighty, and Single.

Speaking of ‘typical’, I decided to go down to the pool that I clean every other day. 

Surprisingly, the pool was full of children. It was melting pot of kids. African Americans, Caucasians, Latinos, and Indians. The parents were either in the pool or sitting in the lounge chairs…except for a couple Indian moms. These two precipitously petrified mommas were in my chlorinated water fully clothed. How many times do I have to tell them, “No street clothes permitted in pool”? Damn! I did not say a word. They did not give me a chance to. They hurried their children out of the pool as I entered the pool that I maintain! A mass exodus…because a black man got in the pool. The white momma stayed. She’s intrigued by my big feet…

*Indians need to understand they are three steps from Negroid. 

Lastly, another lily – and significantly overweight white female offended me. I was definitely in line. Yes I was! Or, I became invisible. She looked right through me as if I were a non-human. As if I did not matter. I was of no consequence to her. A void. As if I were an

Understanding that I am Somebody…what hurt me the most was the way my church-going sista ignored me with obvious contempt. As if I were a

*A black person or nigger who looks particularly sneaky.

And, believe me all my weekend run-ins were terribly unsettlingly.Thankfully, I was finally treated like a Black Man by a loving Black Woman who looks like this Beauty:

 

Kelis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8D9xCBcfzw  
 

The Shadow