*The Image (above): Random Dude up in a Vagina?*
I reluctantly went to a NYE's house party. Was tired and was afraid it would be a waste of my time. Thankfully, the party was fun. Friends, libation, and food. The makings of a good time. Oh! I forgot to mention plenty of women.
I am never the life of a party. What I typically do is eat and drink without socializing with unfamiliar folk. Don't need anymore friends, and to be very honest I am not that interested in meeting ANOTHER woman.
To the point:
We are at an age (late 30's) where getting a nut is not all that critical. Right? With this in mind, I went to the party with the expectation NOT to hook-up. This is my attitude all the time, by the way. I just want a 'lounge' environment. Unfortunately for me, living in Atlanta has proven that getting some azz just happens even when you don't care to bang. It is almost a guarantee! A guarantee that I wish on many occasions had better odds of being a ‘surprise upset’.
The Scenario:
Girl I met a year ago and have seen maybe three other times is at the party. She tight. Has all the trimmings: smart, body, beauty, and money. You know, the typical in Atlanta; and in most urban cities throughout the United States considering that too many black men are in prison, on their way to prison, at the cemetery, liking men, or so fed-up with black women that he got himself a Jack Johnson arm piece.
She has always flirted. I flirt back. She knows everything about my 'love life'. Knows it all. No lies/No secrets. Don’t have to hide anything in The A. Keep ya wedding band on, Niggas! Party is dying down. Girl goes next door to her friend's house to go to sleep. I decide to stay the night. Too liquored-up to drive. I go over to the girl's friend house to park my head on the sofa. Definitely my innocent intention. I called out for the girl. She answers. I enter the room where she plans 'to sleep'. She is in the bed naked. She made sure that I noticed that! She summons, “Just lay with me for a few.” I oblige. She says, "You men have it so easy. You leave a party. Find me in a bed. And, now, you are about to get some. Black women got it tough out here while you brothas just get p*ssy so easily. Please f*ck me good."
Sometimes I just want to stay home to avoid the plethora of azz. Grown azz man hiding from p*ssy.
The Reality as told by The Shadow:
In the A can be ridiculously easy. It is a non-challenge. The women are fine, intelligent, some wealthy - but psychologically jacked-up as a result of The Ratio. All this leaving America's FADING Mecca with a tough reality: Not a good place to find a wife or husband. Unless the brotha is willing to pull layer after layer back from the complex and bruised soul of America’s black women. Unless the sista is desperate enough to hang on while Mr. Man plays - and plays in the cheap Candy Store.
Well, well, well.
Written by The Shadow. Story told by...
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteThis article sounds like you took the words straight from my mouth. At 39, I'm finally maturing enough to stay at home and even fall asleep ALONE on New Years Eve! The black FAMILY structure is a mess in the United States for various reasons. Atlanta is just a result of what Lady Liberty "blessed" our people with. You were basically being the animal that you are within in an environment that allows it. Truth be told, I'm tired of all of it. Most of our women are emotionally and psychologically shot and continue to lower their standards for companionship while our loins feed off it like sharks to blood........................................I'm taking myself out of the game!
-PM
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteIt is a damn shame that folks can't be honest, hopefully safe TOO and forthright about what's going down. In that scenario that man knew good and got damn well that he wanted some pussy and if he didn't he would have stayed his ass over to HIS friend's house. Why in the hell did he follow her over to where she was sleeping, drunk and all. Pleeaze! It is time for Men to grow the fuck up. The funny thing about it all to me is now these men in there late 30's want wife material because they realize they are getting older and time is slow fucking their ass down! Just Funny!
I personal prefer a committed relationship, but I won't sit up here and say if the temptation get too strong I WON'T SUCCUMB TO THE NEED OF CATCHING A QUICK NUT!
Now, I know I was very forthright and uncut in my response and if anybody don't like it then don't send me these got damn emails anymore!
-F
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI’m basically tired of ya'll complaining! Damn, the woman was honest with the guy so why blame her for the honesty. If a grown woman wants to have sex.....then why can't she ask for it. If you as the man don't want to have sex....THEN DON"T. That is not a game. Why blame this situation on prison, black women emotionally screwed up, or whatever the reason may be. I can appreciate a women being honest about what she wants and I can appreciate a man not calling her a slut because she does. Why is that a messed up situation? It's been going on since the beginning of the human existence. When I first heard the story, I told Muata I liked that WOMEN because she told the damn truth and handled her business...there was nobody being preyed upon nor were there any games to be played. What happened was a natural occurrence between two adults!
-EJ
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI think the issue here is not really about two consenting adults doing what they feel is natural. I think it's more about what's behind the consent. Consensual sex is great but what is the reason behind it? Does a woman who wants to be with me and 3 of my friends fall into the same category as the woman in the scenario? In both situations the woman could say she just wanted it and that's it. Are either women sluts?
I think people in general have devalued themselves. Its not really about sex its more about the need for something and sex is the means to and end.
-LS
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteman, you were so on point i had to read this TWICE!
-A*A
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI can't stand generalizations!! Why don't most people look at everyone individually than these stupid generalizations? You'd be surprised what you discover. I don't care how many Terry Mcmillan books you read or wherever else you guys gather your "facts" about women..guess what? we're not all the same. So if some of you have been fortunate enough that a woman approaches you wanting to f**k you...be HAPPY and f**k her good so she won't tell her friends about how whack you are in bed!!
Yes, the ratio is skued in the A and in a lot of cities. Yes, I believe that a lot of woman consider sex an intimate act and want more out of that but not all. Yes there are some woman that have been emotionally damaged but there are men out there too with the same issues. Trust! Yes I'm sure some of you have dealt w/a emotionally distressed woman after you have dissed her. But I don't think most of that has to do w/the fact that you f*ucked her. Most of those situations could of probably been avoided if you didn't diss her. If you could of have been honest and communicated whatever the issues were and ended it respectfully. Yes, there are some woman out there that have become "men" if you will. They can do EVERYTHING for themselves and don't need a man other than to f**K. No more, no less. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, it's reality. She's not messed up in the head or lying, she just wants to get laid. As a man if you're ok w/it cool if not...cool too!! If you have an issue with that then catch up to her greatness so you will have something else to offer than a d*ck. Lastly, there are some woman that want a great relationship with a man and try to get to know a guy before anything goes down but there are a lot of men (in the A since that's what we're talking about) that are still out there "playin" and they flake out. There are some women that are not "giving" it up sooo easily guys and want to get to know You For Who You Are but you're not checkin for us because there's "BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY" everywhere. If you were really "tired" of all the women comin at cha, grow up & then spend some time dodging the p*ssy.
-YW
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteIt's tough to really generate dialogue without some form of generalization. Plus he mentioned a specific situation and as others have chimed in the dialogue has grown into general terms. I actually find it fascinating that some women embrace promiscuity like Zane. Some women say its empowering but what I can't see is what is the empowerment? I don't feel any extra power for being able to sleep with a woman without feeling. Men and women aren't built the same. Look at your parents and grandparents. Look at other people's parents. I am not saying its all nature. I think there is a nurture side to male promiscuity but there is also a nature side as well. I think sex affects genders differently AND that is a chemical thing. We are built hormonally different which obviously makes a difference in how emotion affects us.
-LS
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteOk I've stayed out of this but was asked for my two cents.... I've not been part of the single world for a long time. So I can't tell you which side of the bed the young lady should have choosen. I have ten or more girlfriends in the A that have never been married, haven't had a long term beau in many years. All of them are the total package you described. If that young woman's dating out look is as bleak as theirs has been and she has "waited/flirted" with this could be "decent" man for over a year perhaps she had deduced he's another "qualified" man not interested in pursuing her. So she decided to get sexually satisfied for at least that night. It may be that it has been a very long time since she has been intimate with someone and that day on edge and frustrated, she thought I'm tired of F'king myself with a toy I want to feel a warm body. Nothing to do with the wife or mother she could be in a black family. Key word "could". As none of you p@ssy dodgers have made her a queen. No B it's not the world my Mother grew up in, it's the world we live in, Queens in waiting.....
-ANJ
Reader Responds to ANJ:
ReplyDeletePREACH girl. Me an all my girlfriends are queens in waiting too. I think all of us have gotten so sexually frustrated while we are trying to wait for someone who we can have a meaningful and purposeful relationship with. And then we get so tired of waiting that for one night we are like F**** it. This here. This s*** right here. THIS Is going to be all about me and negro you are just going to benefit from it.
Just because you go for broke one night doesn't make you a tool. And it doesn't mean that a woman doesn't have standards or boundaries in a relationship. There are some sistahs for whom this behavior is an exception and not the norm. Give some women a break. Quit running and really try to assess who you are dealing with.
-RG
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteWe are missing the boat if we lose focus as to how any of this relates to the Family structure. It may sound elementary but a major purpose of sex is to reproduce. Reproduction and sex have SOME consequences both acquired and innate. It appears that this understanding and a lack of communication continue to add fuel to this fire. At the end of the day, our people our not coming together to stay together. I don't really believe this is what was intended or desired be it "beast, queen, total packages", etc..................
-PM