Picture taken from the 1939 film, The Women.Believe it or not, I tip-toe with my commentary. Sometimes I try to think of the receivers of my ‘chatter’ while understanding that what I write may affect someone in a negative way. I pride myself on being convicted, and helping others get to a place of conviction. This is my way of receiving helpful and inspiring messages from readers and my effort to share messages that I have received from countless people. I pray I am effectively recycling opinions and positions well…
In the Shadow Series’ installments I take every step to push the limits. The Shadow can be quite forthright with his perspectives when he is sharing a friend’s story or his own.
With this understanding, The Shadow is Unleashing…again this month.
I will unleash by keeping it really short and blunt as The Shadow can be:
I DO NOT care to work with women any longer. Particularly in a team environment. I am sick and tired of swimming through horrible cramp-filled periods. Wondering which female is bleeding with a d*mn attitude. Wondering who is not PMS’ing three weeks in advance of her cycle. Wondering who I can approach and get a non-emotional response. Wondering who will not stab her female colleague in the back in my presence, and then expect me to go back and tell the other female: ‘Tasha does not like you. Watch out!’ Wondering who will not breakdown in tears just because she has been reprimanded for watching soap operas online at work. Wondering who will not be so d*mn petty that nothing can get resolved. Wondering who can be so d*mn catty that a business meeting does not get started until after 20 minutes of ‘weekend chatter’. Wondering which female will not act like a d*mn female, and get something done! I can go on…and on.
Also, if I had an opportunity to select my very own work team it would be FULL of male athletes. Athletes value successful uninhibited completion. Strict methodology. Unabated reality. Tangible results. And, not useless brainstorming sessions that only serve as ANOTHER impeding barrier and opportunity to talk…again.
I am sick and tired of being consumed by female emotions and high school activities on the job e.g. envy, jealousy, professional vendettas, and gossip. And, if I have to endure another icebreaker with ridiculous outcomes again I am going to do something to get freaking fired!
I ain’t sorry for this one…considering after checking-in with 6 females today who AGREED with my frustrating sentiments: “I wish I did not have to work with women or for a woman.” –Female
This is where I am at this month. I might just be on the RAG.
Written by The Shadow.
In the Shadow Series’ installments I take every step to push the limits. The Shadow can be quite forthright with his perspectives when he is sharing a friend’s story or his own.
With this understanding, The Shadow is Unleashing…again this month.
I will unleash by keeping it really short and blunt as The Shadow can be:
I DO NOT care to work with women any longer. Particularly in a team environment. I am sick and tired of swimming through horrible cramp-filled periods. Wondering which female is bleeding with a d*mn attitude. Wondering who is not PMS’ing three weeks in advance of her cycle. Wondering who I can approach and get a non-emotional response. Wondering who will not stab her female colleague in the back in my presence, and then expect me to go back and tell the other female: ‘Tasha does not like you. Watch out!’ Wondering who will not breakdown in tears just because she has been reprimanded for watching soap operas online at work. Wondering who will not be so d*mn petty that nothing can get resolved. Wondering who can be so d*mn catty that a business meeting does not get started until after 20 minutes of ‘weekend chatter’. Wondering which female will not act like a d*mn female, and get something done! I can go on…and on.
Also, if I had an opportunity to select my very own work team it would be FULL of male athletes. Athletes value successful uninhibited completion. Strict methodology. Unabated reality. Tangible results. And, not useless brainstorming sessions that only serve as ANOTHER impeding barrier and opportunity to talk…again.
I am sick and tired of being consumed by female emotions and high school activities on the job e.g. envy, jealousy, professional vendettas, and gossip. And, if I have to endure another icebreaker with ridiculous outcomes again I am going to do something to get freaking fired!
I ain’t sorry for this one…considering after checking-in with 6 females today who AGREED with my frustrating sentiments: “I wish I did not have to work with women or for a woman.” –Female
This is where I am at this month. I might just be on the RAG.
Written by The Shadow.
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh!
-TK
The Shadow responds to TK:
ReplyDeleteI am so serious about this. LOL.
The Shadow
TK responds to The Shadow:
ReplyDeletei work with 125 people and probably 120 women!! But maybe b/c I am a woman its different--maybe its just personalities and not PMS?
-TK
The Shadow responds to TK:
ReplyDeleteFEMALE PERSONALITIES. MEN DO NOT BEHAVE THIS WAY. IF THEY DO HE IS A BITCH AZZ
NIGGA!
-The Shadow
TK responds to The Shadow:
ReplyDeleteHA!! I guess so! No wonder my job is so stressful--
-TK
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteThis is so true to a huge extent. I am a witness.
Yes, you may offend others, but guess what?
I am a teacher in the GA school system, and I have to pray because I start work next week, and I am not a part of the click , but just do my job.
I am there for the children and educating them, but my many DIVAS at work are catty, petty, and are haters with a crab mentality. I do not care about the pop and circumstance with the power, jealousy, crab-black mentality. Why do we front and pretend at meetings? I hear the same thing. At the meeting, everyone is smiling and brainstorming, but behind closed doors or after the meeting, it is terrible the way some of us women treat one another.
I wish we had a man principal at times to set a different tone. I feel you on this on e Brian, but all of this is a part of the female drama, but do not be afraid. Just go ahead and do your job. It gets hard at times. I am honest. I think the way you aggressively wrote this, and I am a female. Some may think I have an attitude-negative on the job, but that is a front. Why? I guess I have been hurt so much that I am outspoken.
I hope no one gets mad over your writing. They are thought provoking.
I pray no one gets mad at you and stop speaking to you o ver just your desire to be a writer. LOL
p.s.- This is a seriou issue!
Any ideas on how we can all work as a team as Afro-American Women in some of these settings?
-SP
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteDitto, I agree totaly!
Working for a woman and being able to rise above the pettyness and caddyness is a daily struggle, I feel for those in that position. Fortunately, I knew early on that I did not fit into the click that most women do with the pettyness and caddyness, the gossip and the back stabbing, so when I approach work situations, I tend to gravitate towards working with men. However, the one woman I did work for performed her duties in a "men- like" fashion which resulted in a positive union. But early one I was forced to work with "that" woman and boy was it bad! I'll walk away from a position before I'll work with a woman, it's just not worth the drama and as we all know, I value my peace of mind! So, I understand the Shadow says he says he can't take it anymore. It really give women a bad name when "those" few behave in that manner.
-EFJ
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI don't disagree with how women treat each other but I do'nt think it boils down to mestruation..i think thats a cop out..i think its much bigger or deeper than that!! I would much rather you say that women are more emotional and catty but don't blame it on our periods!!!
-TK
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteFirst... LOL!! I love this! I agree and I'm a FEMALE!!! I could go on and on about how I prefer working with a man verses a woman. I've been an Executive Assistant for over 13 years and had the "Opportunity" to work for three females. Out of the three, I do thank GOD for one in particular who was ALWAYS on me and molding me for "Corporate America" she taught me a great deal. The other two were micro-managers, very "bossy" and were more concerned with what I was doing instead of getting their own task completed. By the grace of GOD I was blessed with new jobs working for MEN who allowed me to do what I was HIRED to do MY JOB. Instead of hold the hand of a Diva and be there at her beck and call. BP I am 100% with you on this one!
-SR
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Period.
-NJ
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for speaking/writing on this subject. I too am a female. And, I must say, I pretty much keep to myself on the job. I learned early on that people are people, and they will be and do what it is they choose to do. We have your leaders and followers. I choose to be a leader, but only to those that understand my quest for life, education and peace. On my job, I chat briefly with a few females on business issues, sometimes, personal issues, keeping them to general as best. I'm a very private person and I know that these people are not my family and true friends, so I treat them accordingly.
Being in my middle forties and having to have to work, I always remember that I am on the job to do my work, be cordial, demand respect without saying it and work together to get a job done for the organization. I am not at work for friendship and socializing with unknowns. I do my time and leave to do what is important to me and that is live.
It sadness me that we as black women can't seem to get past jealously, envy and just plain stupidity to work together and be successful, in any type of relationship.
Continue writing and speaking out My Brother!
-RS
The Shadow responds:
ReplyDeleteWell, I really did not write this and send it out to get 'agreement'. Actually, I rarely seek for people to agree with me. I am just sharing my life with the hopes I can gain something from you and be a force for others.
This is something to think about. Ten females have 'agreed' with my sentiment over email and by phone. That is interesting. I expected to be labeled a sexist.
A former boss of mine decided to retire and go teach at an all girls high school in Maryland. I top-notch school. After teaching for 6 months he could not believe the level of drama that leads to back-biting among females. He was totally amazed by the level of situations that required serious intervention. This same man was responsible for at least 80-100 volunteers overseas. 95 percent of the volunteers were female. He disclosed to me, "Brian, believe it or not the high school experience was somewhat reflective of what I dealt with as the director of the volunteer corps. The females really tired me out."
Just sharing. Not blasting. This is issue is a female issue. I cannot MAKE women treat each other better - but there is one thing I have done over the years:
If the female I am dating is constantly rude to random women (wait staff) I STOP DATING THEM. If the female I am dating has a horrible relationship with her mother I STOP DATING THEM.
-The Shadow
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteSo I needed time to “sit” with your last piece, and I’m not one to hit “reply all!” Interestingly enough, you’re commentary was entirely analytical and objective, and not at all emotional!! J Pride, infuriation, indignation, intolerance….those are emotions too darling, just have to point that out!
And for me, this is also sad and depressing, and highlights that women can be the biggest misogynists in our culture. I agree with you in part, I do think that there might be some cultural differences that might exist, as well as what kind of field that one works in (I think the business world elicits these type of behaviors more than the ‘helping field’ for example.) I have experienced some of the behaviors that you described, but I also have worked with wonderful and amazing women, and was part of groups that made important and significant changes. I have seen, however, that we have a great group of women working together, and the minute a man steps in….the dynamic completely changes, and the bitchiness arrives. I think that in a world where “good men” are hard to find, which unfortunately happens in some cultures more than others, this creates a competitive spirit amongst women that has some truly ugly results.
But we are emotional spirits, and I hate to burst your bubble, but that doesn’t always revolve around our menstrual cycle. And yes, we are social beings more than men, and do like to connect with others in ways that are not always about business (ice breakers, catching up from the weekend, etc.). This is also what makes us great mothers and creates a warm and cohesive family I might add. So Yes, you might have to deal with our emotions, but we have to deal with your GIANT EGOS!!!! And a lot of selfishness. I find that when working with men the majority of them only care about THEIR opinion, and have no interest in what others have to say or other ways of going about doing something. Or, they only care about getting their needs met, and don’t consider others (Example: we had a going away potluck for a colleague yesterday, and the only people that didn’t bring food were the two men. Now they might complain that they have to go “socialize and chatter,” but it didn’t stop them from wolfing down several plates of home cooking without making a contribution!)
But you are right about male athletes being great team members. From my experience, the hierarchy and structure of business usually BEATS submission out of most men, taming those egos and selfish desires, demanding team unity. Team sports depend on this submission, so does this mean that female athletes might be tolerable to work with? J
And I know you’re going to hate this part, but the truth is the reason we try to understand and even tolerate gender differences is largely driven for our desire to have love in our life. As someone that has made the decision to shut love from his heart, I’m not surprised by your lack of tolerance. Sad though, and I’m still going to hold some hope for you…J
Love my Shadow, and keep speaking your truth, definitely sparks my own fire!
-SN