“What up, Dude? How are things going with you and your girl? I like her. She appears to be cool.” -The Shadow"All good on this end. We are doing fine…Yeah, she cool…but she does not give me that Wow Factor.” -Dude
“What is the Wow Factor.” -The Shadow
"I am not sure if she really does it for me? Well, she does but…can’t explain it.” -Dude
“What do you mean? Is she affectionate? Does she listen to you? Does she cook for you when you work late? Does she nag you about hanging out with the fellas? Is she giving you the sex frequently? Can you two have a decent intellectually conversation? Does she give good head?” -The Shadow
“I don’t know…I just may need that excitement thing. Don’t know. “No. She does not nag me. Yes to all the other questions.” -Dude
“How long are we (men over 35) going to continue to look for a damn “Wow Factor”? I guess we will continue to search and search for that ‘feeling’ when in fact we are already getting EVERYTHING we REALLY need from the woman we have selected to be with. It is like we (men) are just waiting and waiting for some miracle to happen: To be knocked down by beauty and all the other superficial BS that we say we need. Here you are pleased with the woman you are dating. She is adhering to all your wants/desires – but you want that Wow Factor? A factor you cannot even define. Love the one you are with, Nigga. Bye!” –The Shadow
(CLICK)
Okay…I was wrong for hanging up on him…I know! I am just amazed by the confused mindsets of some men. Including me! We say we want this (sex appeal, intelligence, mother qualities, etc. – but in truth we are so convoluted that we are clueless on what we desire from women. We drag women through pig waste (our insecurities), sometimes for years, and then one day ‘wake-up’ with, ‘I am not feeling this any longer. You just don’t do it for me.’ Most of the time we don’t tell that committed woman about our early morning revelation. We just start seeing someone else who is now Wow-ing us.
Reader responds with a poem
ReplyDeleteI Can’t Give It To You!
What you lack,
I can’t give it to you.
The security you need so desperately,
I can’t give it to you.
You want Your Manhood.
I can’t give it you.
You want a house and a car,
I won’t give it to you.
You want me to be your Lover,
And then turn around and be your Mother.
I can’t be that for you.
You want me to sit around and wait for you
While you do what you do,
And You and I know What You Do.
I can’t do that for you.
A nigga once told me,
“My Mother loves me Unconditionally”,
Well I ain’t your Mother,
And I can’t do that for you.
Not When you out Sharing Your Piece.
Yeah, You are generous.
Willing to share a little Piece of You.
Well, that’s not me,
And I can’t be that generous for You.
You want My Respect, when You Don’t Respect Me.
Well, I can’t give that to you.
You want me to continue to Love and Cherish You,
When Truth and Honesty mean nothing to You.
I can’t do that for You.
You see, A Real Man wouldn’t want or need me to.
His Manhood, He has it.
He doesn’t need Me to give it to Him.
He shows it to me.
A Real Man, he doesn’t need MY actions to prove his Manhood.
His actions demonstrate it to me.
He doesn’t need me to make him Happy.
He does what He can to make Me Happy.
And in turn, We DO It for Each Other, in Every Sense of the word.
A Real Man doesn’t need a Super Woman to be content in a Relationship.
He Does Not Expect the Impossible.
He’s not waiting for me to show My Love for Him.
He’s Eager and Willing to Confirm His Love for Me.
Now, a Real Man – OH Trust, He Does it for Me.
Honor and Respect – Yes baby, I can do that for you.
You see, I can’t give you what your lacking,
But I Can Give You what You Need.
Much Love and respect, No Problem, because you earned that from me.
You see, the “WOW” factor is needed from a Man who is lacking.
He’s looking for something from his Mate that only He can fulfill within Himself.
He will keep searching and searching, Never finding that thing he needs so desperately,
Because he looking in the wrong place.
He needs to look within to find That Thing, Not at Me.
I was once with a Mate that was looking for me to make him Happy,
But No Matter what I did, I could never make Him Happy.
I would never be able to give him the happiness for which he was searching.
That peace he needed, I could not provide for him.
Because what he needed could only come from within.
I Could Never Give It To Him.
That's My Take on it.
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteYes Men are idiots. Makes me sad to think about what I will run into being single again.
A
Muata responds to A:
ReplyDeleteour behavior is just plain STUPID in some cases. we are lead and controlled by our penis and outside stimuli that have nothing to do with making a relationship work. i am guilty! but, are we just victims of being beast?
-Muata
Muata responds again:
ReplyDeleteDisclosure:
I have been one to look for my 'definition' via a woman. I looked to several for security. For my self esteem to be lifted. I wanted from these women what momma gave me. Here is where mothers assist in creating the man described in the poem below. The coddling affect is what I displayed in a few relationships. However, I was an adult and I failed to grow up/man up at times. It was easy for me to stay in that position of wanting and need from the woman. So easy...because she gave it to me in return not knowing that she was assisting me with my lack of responsibility and self-induced delayed maturation. Ultimately, I knew what I should have presented to the women so the blame is on me, not the female. Men are biologically/emotionally/psychologically late bloomers. But, I will say it is almost miraculous when a man meets the RIGHT ONE and he is ready to do right by her. All of his insecurities suddenly get in check. He is focused on family and love then. When a man gets to this place he can be what God intended/expected. But, just keep in mind, Ladies, that this man is STILL a man. His battles are different than yours. Remember, he can at times be controlled by Dumb Donald (his penis). Yes, that reads shallow. Unfortunately, it is reality.
Lord, we all are growing/evolving. I just pray that none of us die in the WRONG place.
Let's ALL (men and women) stop chasing...
I must say that I am tired... You?
-Muata
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteNicely said.
-MP
Reader Response to Muata's Disclosure:
ReplyDeleteTrue that. I would have liked to change the words "Real Man" to "A Complete Man". Complete in the sense that he has his Inner Self in check. I think you're right about the RIGHT ONE as well. But if you know someone is not the Right One, you should let them go. Don't hang on. It hurts both of you more in the end. The main point is though - Make yourself Happy and Complete. Don't expect it from someone else. They can only add to it.
-AB
Reader response:
ReplyDeleteThe WOW Factor isn't about SEX......It's about what makes a man call her "THE ONE". No matter what a women DOES for a man or DOES NOT do for a man....It has nothing to do with him feeling as if she is "THE ONE". I know men who make decisions to be with women who OBVIOUSLY seems like the wrong choice....but in HIS heart....she has the WOW factor.
The WOW factor will have you on your job in a meeting thinking of something she said.....
The WOW factor will make you turn off your radio and drive in silence.....
The WOW factor will keep you on the phone until the battery is dead....
The WOW factor will keep your ass home at night....
The WOW factor will be around even when she is 90 yrs old....
You see....if men had all of the answers and no need for a women...Why did he create EVE.
We give and get from each other....What a women gives feeds the man...and what a man gives feeds the women. Dont ever settle for less than the WOW factor.....If you do it will lead to a life of minimalism.
-EJ
Reader responds to EJ:
ReplyDeleteEJ... I enjoyed reading your words!!!
-SR
Reader responds to EJ:
ReplyDeleteI agree with SR. Very powerful words EJ!
-Freedom
Reader, RG, responds:
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I would want to be some man's WOW woman. Its too much responsibility especially in the sense that Mr. Payne was referring to...cuz its a long way down to the floor from a pedelstal. An older (long time happily married) woman once told me that us young girls had it wrong. We were looking for butterflies and fireworks and hot burning "I can't breathe with out you toe curling" passion...when we should be looking for someone that we can get through all the day-to-day mundane LIFE stuff with and still keep our sanity.
Being the WOW woman reminds me of an Alanis Morisette song
Not the Doctor:
I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be your mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
I don't want to be the sweeper of the egg shells that you walk upon
And I don't want to be your other half, I believe that 1 and 1 make 2
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face
At midnight, hey
What are you hungry for
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through
A vicarious occasion
Please open the window
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart
And it's wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
What do you thank me
What do you thank me for
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past 6
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor
The Shadow responds to RG:
ReplyDeleteRegina-
It is compatibility. If that is not there...I would guess that it would be difficult "to get through all the day-to-day mundane life stuff..." It would be for me. Love fades at times - but getting all long goes a LONG way.
-The Shadow
Reader response:
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed EJ's words too. However, keep in mind the "Wow" factor must be nurtured if not it will fade and you will find yourself looking again. Anything worth having is worth working hard for to keep it.
-PL
The Shadow responds to PL:
ReplyDeleteyou may have seen this:
http://newsone.blackplanet.com/nation/black-couple-hold-record-for-longest-marriage/
i wonder what they did to "nurture" to prevent from "fading"?
-The Shadow
PL responds to Muata:
ReplyDeleteOh yes...I've seen it...this couple takes me back to the "old" school ways of maintaining a relationship, which by the way seem to have worked. Back when I was a little girl (which was not too long ago) I did not hear of my relatives getting a divorce or feeling the need to "up grade".
It's just a matter of "Presentation" and choosing one's words/tone in order to be heard or simply get something done. I still believe that the woman sets the tone of any household and if she is wise she will be her man's WOW factor for life.
-PL
Reader SM responds to RG:
ReplyDeleteWise woman. Passions rise and fall - riding with me day-to-day, that's WOW!
-SM
Reader PM responds to SM:
ReplyDeleteSad to say but this is another case of miscommunication. Some women hear what they want to hear. Many of our ladies have the answers already. One great thing about this forum is it lends itself to dialogue. Fact is we speak separate languages at times with regard to genders. Most men don't choose to share. When we do ladies, take time to try to understand if you care.
-PM
Reader NAY responds to PM:
ReplyDeleteSomeone wise once told me that it isn't so much that men are complex in their conversations, it's that women make their conversations more complex than they really are. ;-)
-NAY