Close to the Edge

A few days ago I witnessed a brotha do everything he could not to implode. He took deep breaths. He appeared to ask the Lord for strength as he looked up at the ceiling...but he lost the battle. Yeah, the Battle is Not Yours: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXbV1axOxZ8. Really? Who owns the battle? Jesus? Well, Jesus did not show up for this brotha. He snapped! Guess his brief prayer did not work. Did he not pray long enough or was he supposed to be on his knees?


The irate woman accompanying the King pushed and pushed...until God’s child could not handle the pressure/stress/disrespect any longer!

There are countless brothas in prison because of the inability to maintain control (it can be tough...I know first hand) - and because the angry female would not ease up. Because the female would not back the hell off!

It was like she wanted him to violently shake her and forcefully mush her...like he did. I do not condone violence as a resort in most cases. I do however expect people not to relentlessly agitate with the sole expectation to push someone over the edge.

The brotha tried...and cried. I saw him pleading with himself and his Queen. No luck with his sincere prayer request. He ended up in the back of a police car handcuffed. I later watched the car ride away with him inside his temporary confinement until he reaches lock up. Wonder if he will be offered a bible to read while he there? That's the typical prescription drug for black people.

All she had to do was ease up after he said, "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I should not have spent the money. I will get it back. Please forgive me."

No dice - another brotha in the system. That could have been prevented!

The inability to monitor and limit anxiety is prevalent within the black community. It is a sickness. Black men and women appear to be so much at odds that they cannot help each other navigate within this stressful world. In essence, they cannot save each other from the shit this world slings their way. Thus creating an environment of tension and constant strife.

It was not a surprise that when I did my research years ago on anxiety that I did not find a reasonable amount of information that connects anxiety to cultural realities. I was also not surprised to discover while chatting with several African Americans about depression and anxiety disorders that they did not value healthy mental health. Actually, I have been aware of this for years. My introduction came when I was a child.

When I was a kid, the neighbors next door had it out every Friday. It was a Friday Night Fight after Friday Night Fish Fry every Friday. By the way, Friday Fish eating is not a ‘black thing’. It is a Catholic tradition. All these years…and I thought it was a Black tradition. http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Roman-Catholic-Tradition-of-Eating-Fish-on-Fridays  

Since we are sick we need to do something about it. I suggest therapy, counseling, anti-anxiety medication, yoga, exercise (walking does wonders), meditating (not praying), and positive affirmations (not calling on some imaginary holy ghost).

For those of you, who are against taking medication, please consider that there may be a chemical imbalance.

has saved many lives. With that, I live a life of transparency in an effort to save my life and many more lives! In my transparency: I am unashamedly medicated.

It is effective…I don't have to say to the one nagging me any longer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFwvl6z2J4I

The Shadow

Mismatch

I have made the mistake of putting on two different socks before. One brown and the other black. A mismatch. I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me. Not knowing was fine. I was still complete. Together...in my mind.


Searching for wholeness is top priority for us. Well, it should be. We vainly and with insecurity seek to complete ourselves in various forms. Taking on a plethora of devices, gadgets, additions, removals, and human resources e.g. a man or a woman to make us feel some sense of finality.

In my observations lately I have noticed that numerous black females are attempting to complete themselves with what appears to be a non-match. A mismatch. With a man that's not their first choice...but he is good enough. He will do. At least until the man that makes her tingle comes along!

This time around in the world of relationship, however, the men are not the 1990’s rough around the edges type of guys. They are not the bad boys. Bad boys use to get all the trim! And, Mr. Nice Guy got the leftovers.

They are the men who finish last in looks and in some cases in personality. Some have beer bellies, and others just don't cut it when you take a glance at the accompanying female. She is stunning. Beautiful. Fine. Sexy...but she's with what many would characterize as a busta. A putts. A cornball. You know, those guys who no one played with in grade school…

This dynamic was inevitable. Black women are willing to give the not so popular man - the dud - a chance considering what the media feeds us e.g. black men are a dying breed and considering the handsome and overly popular man is capitalizing off his ability to date and bang several women all at once. He, the latter, is uninterested in presenting an opportunity to help young women identify and secure completeness. That's too much work! He is comfortable knowing that his attractiveness will win out. Get him the booty! Heck, it worked in the past, why not now?

The exterior is the primary motivator for us initially. Those who say otherwise is lying! Perhaps, this fact is changing. Perhaps, black women are sick and tired of dealing with Mr. Fine. Perhaps, Busta is finally getting a piece of the pie. He has waited long enough! It is his time. So, forget about Mr. Light Skin coming back. Forget about Mr. Tall, Dark, Bald, and Handsome staying on top. Busta is getting the super fine women these days. They made the right moves, or should I say that they did not move? They waited. Waited for that moment when black women got truly feed up with what Mr. Popular brings to the table or doesn’t bring to the table. Busta is smart - and he was the life of the party this weekend while I (tall, dark, handsome, and unwilling to commit) sat on the perimeter all alone! Good thing I am enjoying my time without having to work at maintaining a relationship. I don’t have the energy!

The Shadow

The Art of Masturbation

There are several advantages to masturbation. And, to know that some holy-rollers believe it to be “sinful” is just unfathomable. They actually justify the sinfulness via biblical scripture e.g. Onanism. What are we going to do with the bible - and the Qur’an? Unbelievable!


Years ago I felt stupid after I pleasured myself. Not sure why I felt like a dude who was so pathetic that he had to masturbate. I guess at the time I believed that I should not have to jerk off. It was a logical thought. I was vibrantly young with a young man's body. My six pack was easier to identify. I had less gray hair. I definitely had more energy. One and done was not a part of my sex repertoire. Well hold up, it depended on my level of attraction to the young lady. And, I was a tidbit more outgoing. Less conservative.

Now, masturbation is somewhat of a saving grace. When I am done I don't have to worry about what the conversation should be like the next day. Should I call or should I wait? What should I say? Should I ask her out?

I remember my first same night hook-up - that later flourished into a meaningful relationship - by the way. The young lady must have known that I was calling just to 'acknowledge' her. Courtesy call. During the brief conversation she said, "Brian, I am a big girl. I didn’t need for you to call me. We had sex and I enjoyed it. I will talk to you later. I have a lot to do today." The relief I felt! The weight was lifted.

With my weekly pleasures of self I don't have to worry about the emotions that come with a sexual encounter. The God-awful emotions, in my experience, that starts with the female. These are the emotions that I am convinced stem from two places: feelings of unworthiness and societal pressure. Society whether we want to believe it or not still has a psychological hold on women when it comes to them giving it up. She is expected to be at love's footstep, in love, commitment ready, or at the least considering boyfriend/girlfriend status.

The thoughts of non-appreciation (unworthy) are natural especially if the female values her sex. Her vagina. However, I am prepared to say that this too is an uncalled for thought. A psychological impediment. I am certainly not implying that women should not place a value on sexual activity. Nope!

What I am trying to convey is that the woman’s sex should not be some illusive commodity that loses its sparkle just because it is given up. This thinking leads to wasteful disappointment that then leads to senseless drama e.g. keying of cars, public outburst, name calling (dog), and lost friendships.

The ridiculous fallout can be prevented for men with some good lotion and a willingness to fight the temptation to conquer. That’s what it is all about for men. Conquering. Devouring the prey (women). Once a man starts having sex it becomes so lamely routine that he has to make the act about something more than getting some. He brutishly creates an atmosphere that usually only exist in his mind to compete with himself. To validate his manhood. The orgasm is secondary to a large degree. It is a tingling byproduct of the need to feel like a Man. And, unfortunately too many men attach manhood to sexual activity. Think about all these men who pop Viagra in an effort to be a stud in bed…?

We learn early to “hit as much ass as you can”.

But, if we were smart or when we get a little smarter we (men) learn to master The Art of Masturbation. The art is not in the motion, the stroke. It is in defeating that urge to be the Man we were told that we have to be.

Wish I would have learned this sooner…the foolishness that could have been prevented. Damn it!

The Shadow

Insecurity is a MF

Black men do a whole lot of talking and complaining about how insecure black women are – and the reasons are abundant. The insecurities are! With this understanding so much can be said about why black men and women in America are so insecure.


I have heard and listed the reasons of why before. Frankly, I am sick and tired of the go-to-reasons! And, for the record I have prefaced the reasons as legitimate justifications and unfortunately as lame excuses.

So, I want to begin this conversation by acknowledging that I have insecurities. Several of them are overly present in my life and the others are latent. They come forth when I begin to feel...You guessed it: Insecure.
My momma told me one day, "Never, never disclose all your insecurities to a female. If you do she will play on them one day. Use them against you."

Was momma right?

Also, I am of the belief that black men (some) need to ditch this machismo attitude of 'I am the man'. When I have said this in argument or in defense with a girlfriend, I knew when it left my mouth that I sounded like an idiot. "I am the man." Yes, I am the man. Obvious? Just dumb on my part!

That's the problem, the Obvious. Black men are so busy dealing with the obvious. And, not with what may be the problem.

We (black men) have some work to do, and for any black man reading and wondering why I wrote this…just think about how much time you spend on trying to be The Man…You sound like an IDIOT!

And, please - Black Man - don’t come at me with that weak position: ‘White men too…’. Save that for someone willing to listen and allow you to deflect.

-The Shadow

Women are NOT Victims

As some men 'grow' in the complicated world of relationship he will be told that he is the reason for the way some women behave and respond under stressful relationship situations e.g. refer to a man as a dog when in fact female allowed him to be a dog with female.

While agree that man (male), in general, is the reason for so much strife and that he has made extremely damaging decisions that have negatively affected the entire planet e.g. war, slavery, and so much more - I am not prepared to declare any longer that men are the reason for Ms. Victim to be in Victim Status. As a male friend of 20 plus years told me, “You have allowed for women to manipulate you into making poor decisions regarding other friendships.” He is right…I have immediately taken the female’s side on occasion. When I should have investigated a little more. While this is a good approach in theory (come to the aid of the female) it has proven to be detrimental for me: What I have learned is Ms. Victim in her self-induced pain is overwhelmingly calculated and conniving. To the extent she will ruin a man’s reputation and stain his character as a result.

It is high time for some females to do everything possible to avoid the pathetic Victim Room. It actually does not work with most men, The Woe is Me Syndrome. Many men have been known to exploit it. When I think about it with my caveman instinct, he should.

Many of us (men) begin to lose respect for women who play this Victim Card time after time. It is unattractive. It is deplorable. It has been the reason for so much drama! It causes men who are growing into positive maturity to avoid relationship during a valuable period in his life: His 40’s and 50’s (taken from a psychologist).

It is indication that Ms. Victim has issues that need to be addressed with a therapist.

-The Shadow Series

Keeping the Legs Closed

Sometimes in life we lose friends. Sometimes you gain/make a friend. I have had the opportunity to have a few friends that have been good for my life. I am sitting here hoping I have enriched someone else's life with my 90% friendship. I did not give 100%. I have been unable to because I am aware that people hurt each other. So, I shield most of myself from people's shit! The remaining 10% stays in reserves so I will not be on E when my friend decides to do what human nature dictates: LOOK OUT FOR SELF.

I have been the hurter and I have been hurt. I am deeply sorry for all those I have hurt. What I find interesting: most of the friends I have hurt are female. That to me is arresting. Why? Because it is obvious to me that most of the female friends I have had the pleasure to have in my life ended up WANTING me. Wanting me to be more than a friend. That is not ego talking. It is my truth. It is what I have been able to glean, and I believe that I am right.

My dreadful mistake was when I participated in taking the friendship to an intimacy level even after I told the female friend that I am not interested in more than what we have, friendship. That was my colossal mistake.

The question remains, what blunder did the female friend make? It is obvious: when she thought she could separate emotion from reality. Emotion came along as soon as she opened her legs. Reality exited the room for a moment of sex.

Reality remained the next day for me. Not for female friend. That was the collision. The accident. That's when my friendship with the female ended.

I write all of the above to express:

Women, when a man show you his card believe it is the right card. It is not a trick. Take him for what he has said and displayed. If he says, 'I am not interested in a relationship.' BELIEVE him! And keep ya legs closed! And finally, stop allowing yourself to be ruled by emotion. Emotion keeps ya wide open. It makes you desperate. Try to control it. Don't get rid of it. Just control it - or make every effort to
KEEP YA LEGS CLOSED.

-The Shadow

Karma is a coming

I am of the belief that certain people -not all- are in our lives to help us receive the inevitable, Karma.

We get what we deserve in this world. You reap what you sow - is a saying that I refuse to believe in regards to those of us who are The Least of Us. The Innocent. There is no way I will ever believe an aging lady taking a morning stroll deserved or reaped to be viciously attacked by three pit bulls.

What I will boldly solidify with my belief:

When you believe that you were "wronged" you may want to think back. Really think back with, Why is this episode occurring or has occurred? For example, if you are a person who believes you have been horribly slighted by another person e.g. cheated on - and don't deserve the fallout from the cheating; perhaps you may want to reevaluate the relationships you have participated in. Were you declaring, as one of the Tiger Woods’ floozies said, "He cheated on his wife. I was not the one cheating." While this disrespector of holy matrimony did not technically "cheat on" Tiger's wife, she participated in behavior that ended up negatively altering and affecting the life of Tiger's wife and child.

To sum this up without reigniting a Tiger Woods discussion:

Ladies, just because you are "not cheating on” anyone in a situation like the T. Woods saga - you are in affect and in fact assisting in a dreadful collision. Like that grandma saying goes: If you were there you are just as guilty. Therefore, please expect karma to slap your ass right in the face one day for sleeping around with a married man. No matter how you conveniently rationalize this disgusting behavior you are wrong. Dead wrong, and should expect for some guiltless and heartless Jezebel to do the same to you one day…if it is not already occurring. Karma is a coming!!

The tragedy will be if you (Ms. Innocent - The Assistant in the crime), cannot humbly put two and two together - and realize:

You are getting your pay back.

WE must learn from our indiscretions...if not - we will definitely perish in our self induced mistakes. Believe me, I am a believer in karma and a deserving victim as a result of the wrongs I have willingly committed.

-The Shadow

Dear Women,

Every woman I have dated, been involved with as boyfriend, or even if we were 'kicking it' for more than a one night stand has been 'wife material'. I am so thankful I have not had many one nighters. The few I did have were extremely awkward. Yuck!

Simply put: I have been….(should I use the word blessed here?) Okay…simply put: I have had several Good Women to put up with my volatile moodiness and stiff quirkiness! The seldom used adjectives used to describe a Good Woman should be and can be applied to these women.

This is not a remarkable truth. It is somewhat characteristic of most men's relationship situations with women. Well, that's if the men are able to identify with the goodness. It is there. It is present. It is underneath the layers of pain men have more than likely caused.

I thought last week:

"Wow! Most of the women I have interfaced with have been at their core more worthy than I. When all the covers are pulled back, I was not worthy of the love, care, and constant attention that they displayed and genuinely gave to me. From T to W, from A to M, from P to S, from C to E, from D to K, from F to Y, from J to R - my selections (expressing humility now) have been extremely top self (the letters represent the first initial of some of the women)."

Again, I was not worthy!

I am so thankful I am able to express that to YOU (all of you are BCC'ed). That in itself is a true testament of your character: After the heartache (more for some and less for others) I may have caused you are still connected to me even if it is only with an email address.

Turning 40 should not be this transformative. Lord…I can honestly admit that YOU have helped me SEE myself!

The Shadow

Black Women and Their Hair (Not again)

What you are about to read is a response I posted on a friend's FB page after he expressed himself on the topic:

Black Women and Their Hair

Hair....black women???? Would rather maintain a nice 'do' instead of allowing a little rain to cool overheated skin from sun exposure - and will break their necks trying to get out of the rain. Would rather gain 15 pounds a year than workout: "The sweat will mess-up my hair."

The Shadow dated a woman who went natural so that she could workout with him. Her exact words, "While you are at the gym some working out sista may get your attention. Please help me find a barber!" Another woman The Shadow dated said, "We can have sex tonight - but it can't be like last time. Last night. I sweated too much, and my hair fell."

The Shadow was with the first mentioned woman longer...even though he had not hit it yet. The Shadow got rid of the second mentioned woman even though she was giving it up regularly!

http://www.miamiherald.com/multimedia/news/afrolatin/part2/index.html

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xdiqjy_nbc-today-show-why-are-women-obsess_news

The Shadow

Don't Call Me

People only do what they deem is important to them. The excuses for not doing something are shallow covers of their consciousness ignoring what they have regulated to 'the forgotten or the not enough time'. When you, the person waiting on that something to be done, begin to SEE the person via their non-action the better off you will be.

Women, when a man tells you he is going to do this, do that - and you find yourself waiting...and still wanting - you are the fool. The idiot. Don't re-make him into the liar that your consciousness knew he was before you ended up in emotional limbo. Please don't become a victim as a result of your stupidity or your foolish patience.

A man typically plays his hand early. Go with that play.

Stop wasting you time...Move on!

"A man giving women advice has never been impactful which means the advice goes unheard; never utilized.” –Unknown

No wonder women always end-up crying, sulking for days, and ultimately subconsciously hating men.

Sorry, Ladies, don't call me with your self-induced Job 10:15 (Woe is Me) plagued stories. Big Play-Play Brother ain't trying to listen. Call ya girlfriend that allowed you to make a b-hole out of yourself...

I just might take advantage of you in your fake-azz vulnerability...

Don't call me!

The Shadow

The Difference

White women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Hang out.

Casually get to know the man while hooking up. It is all about having fun. A good time. No stress.

Sex is pretty much a guarantee. I list this with assurance because I have the acquired understanding that many white girls are of the belief that sex is not a prerequisite to a relationship. Not that I believe that white women are sluts! Floozies come in all forms. Including in male.

Black women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Marriage material or not.

Child or Children.

Then the Dating begins. Note I used the word 'dating'. For some reason, it has to be more formal than hanging out. Which in my experience brings an uneasy level of intensity to the mix. Makes it more important than what it is at the time. Which is laughable to me considering men are thinking along the lines of hittin it without feelings attached while the female is preparing to change the brotha so she can keep him – and/or save the brotha with help from Christ? Save him from what, by the way? Note also that the thoughts of the 'essentials' e.g. marriage and children are pre-dating.

Sex is the cement seal. It locks the brotha in. He has a girlfriend now! It becomes ridiculously serious like sex is not a natural animalistic act that humans physically want/need. Sex in many cases is some how used to legitimize the 'situation' which is a complete turn off for countless men: ‘Dang, I just banged it out. Nothing more!’ For the record, my white homie from Texas said that white women lock him down after he slangs it too!

As The Shadow thinks about this, he is certainly aware that his thoughts are experience based - and may not be the norm. A possible huge generalization on both ends of the spectrum for black and white women. However (However not used to negate The Shadow’s previous sentence), as The Shadow talk with men and women (mostly black and white of each gender) he is noticing a trend.

The Difference:

There is such a sense of black female urgency along the lines of relationships and dating in the black community. As if the white meat chicken sale is about to be over. As if the Frankie Beverly and Maze tickets are about to be sold out. As if the Mayfield ice cream is melting. As if it (whatever it is) is fading or dying faster than usual.

Just thinking.

Please validate or challenge my thoughts.

-The Shadow

Another Pity Party for Black Females

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/successful-black-woman-find-man/story?id=10213505

I actually thought about going. Then I was like: 'Not the same shyt.' I will pop a blood vessel up in there!

Again, there are black men for black women. Some "successful" black women have X-ed out many of black men who are every day guys.

Perhaps this is the reason why many of these women are alone: http://theshadowseries.blogspot.com/2010/03/medusa.html.

Medusa's are all over da place!

Black people discuss the most 'common' crap. It is always our tired azz issues. We gotta get it together.

There is so much to this life besides: relationships, race, and religion. Are we confined to the 3 R's?

Relationships: Come and Go.

Race: Will always be an issue.

Religion: A bunch of bull shit!

So much reason to expand/evolve!

Also, why in the h*ll would anyone listen to Steve Harvey's message on relationships? This man has been divorced 3 times...(do a fact check on that).

-The Shadow giving The People what they want and need (bout like the average preacher).

Coming Out the Closet

What is happening to me? I am changing into someone/something I do not recognize. Unidentifiable. The Shadow is being taken over by a foreign concept for most men.

I am actually considering a way of life that many women implement to gain clarity. To emotionally cleanse. To re-center. Bring themselves back to spiritual wholeness.

Some women are forced into this decision because of societal demographics. While this decision for her is unwanted it is somewhat an inevitable reality. A realness that has become an unwanted occurrence because of 'the way it is' for women today. Especially, for black women.

While my contemplation is a serious one, I am certain some men will mock my choice. I don't care. If I were concerned about what the 'fellas' think I would have tamed many of my comments that have indicted men. Me included. I would have decided to be silent in protection of the shallow man bond.

Forced from the brotherhood on my terms may be the reason I am coming out of the closet that has confined me to limited sexual pleasure. Pleasure that for many reasons have not generated much gratification.

Emptiness is what we have when we... (stop, Brian, clarify with an 'I statement'). Emptiness is what I have when I give away my sacred energy.

That energy is my sex. Sex that does not reach the level of meaningfulness. Sex that's empty. So empty that when the energy in life form leaves (ejaculates) my body I instantly want to be free of the hallow moment. I want to be with who I am emotionally comfortable: ME, MYSELF, AND I. Not with a naked, unpleasing, and irritating stranger.

Strangers are who many of us purposely and unknowingly give ourselves to via sexual intercourse - which may be the reason I have not fully benefited from unconnected sexual activity in a long time. And, consequently may be the reason I just can't do this causal copulating any longer with honoring what I am considering:

Celibacy

Written by The Shadow. Inspired by the last time I had sex. I wanted the female to get gone immediately after the first ejaculation.

The Medusa

Men are men. Women are women. The differences are vast. Men are analytical processors. Women are emotionally driven. Men are motivated by the frivolous. Women are dedicated to nurturing. With all the differences nothing should prevent us from distinguishing who is who and what is what.


Right?

With dating, the man once upon a time was expected to lead the process. This included determining what the date would entail: where, what, and how long depending on how 'dude' would behave. Act like a jerk, and the date would not last more than an hour. Good thing moms and dads always gave daughter taxi money.

Why was the woman given money to 'get out' of the date? The door has always been open for the female to flee if "he cuts a fool". How about when the woman misbehaves or turns out to be a raging Medusa? In my experience men must remain. Steadfast. Enduring. Deal with the gorgon. I never understood this. Men with good intentions have to pretend to be comfortable until the date is over.

I recall one of many dates from hell. I could not wait to bounce. Get gone...but out of long-suffering respect for the disturbed female pit-bull I 'remained'. Imprisoned with rude behavior toward wait staff. Shackled by the cost of this woman's fifth extra dirty Grey Goose martini. I still have the receipt. A memento saved to remind me not to go on a date with a woman who lives in a half a million dollar home ALONE, according to her she recently divorced a “weakling”, drives a Big Boy Mercedes, eats out every single night, lives among mess (junk all over the Haverty’s fully furnished home - one room only used: the bedroom for sleeping, snacking, and masturbating all the time), goes to church every Sunday but returns from mega church service in another sour mood, gets an expensive massage, pedicure, and manicure once a week, brags about her dildo like it is her personal Jesus, has a fitness trainer that gets a last minute cancellation notice from Ms. Thang all the time, stays on her BlackBerry chatting with other women like herself (there are more), and who by the way has no relationship with her cancer ill mother.

But, men are the butt holes?

What this manufactured culture has created are women with a perverse mentality of misguided feminism and shallow individualism: “I don’t need a man.” These women are societal bandits. Bandits, not social revolutionaries. Objectified losers that believe if they suppress their womanhood the world would be easier to live in.

A classic case of going against the grain of what is meant to be: Women are women and men are men.

In the end, which is the present, these females are The Bad News Bears...that never win because they have LOST their momma’s training. Purposely misplaced the delicate fundamentals of being a lady.

They gambled with the role changes of the 21st century, and lost. Not their material items - but what is important:

Respect

Once that is gone no man will come at the female with good intentions...thus the reason male/female relationships are jacked. Leaving women foolishly thinking they can get from a female companion what they can't get from a man. I said, A MAN.

We in trouble...when the woman begins to take on the negative characteristics of a boy! I said, A BOY.

Written by The Shadow. Inspired by The Medusa.

Tainted Man Rules

Rules are Rules. There should not be any deviation from them. If there is a ‘break away’ from the rules one should expect to be reprimanded and/or discarded. –The Unwritten

That is a strict message to not only send – but to comply to predetermined rules where no slack is given for breaking a rule must indicate that the culture that makes up the rules is serious about maintaining an intense level of order. Somewhat reflective of the military.

In the armed forces if one purposely or mistakenly deviates, a life could be lost. All it takes is one soldier to disobey an order or ignore a regulation; and an entire unit can be wiped out by the enemy. That is serious life altering business that affects the whole. The family. The bond.

Rules that pertain to the male culture are selfishly considered honorable e.g. man code-ish. Usually this way of conducting and behaving is in stark contrast to what is necessary to adhere to acceptable morals and values. Not that the male society is totally void of decency. No - that is not what I would like to imply. Nonetheless, the unwritten ‘policies’ are in contradiction of what many fathers convey to their sons. Basically, men with children do not tell their boys to subject themselves to the torching of their souls. As fathers we encourage our children to make the RIGHT decision. Typically, this right decision is without subjectivity. It should be an appropriate decision that falls inline with the natural order i.e. adhering to The Golden Rule. This rule, by the way, if followed could eradicate many issues that pollute the world and the souls of mankind.

Our souls keep a record of all the good and bad we project into the universe. It is a journal where entries cannot be erased. The imprints are written in blood. Literally, in blood because what we bear to our soul is unchangeable. It is sealed, typically with a pain; not a joy. Therefore, what we share with the world after living for awhile is a composition of regrettable decisions. However, these decisions do not become unwanted complexities of our souls until we are ready to face them head-on. With truth. With humility. With full disclosure. Prior to this RIGHT decision we willingly allow the soul of man to be in conflict.

ALL men are fully aware of what I am attempting to convey. Many of us are not prepared to listen to the vehicle I have chosen to reveal the message. That vehicle is the bosom of my “messy” soul. My “pull pit” is where I have waddled for years. Never realizing that the mess that I have created is all I have to address MY behavior. My demons. Demons that are with all of us to some degree, if not, similar demons. So, in all of this I have taken a road that leaves me in the position of being inaccurately accused that ‘My house is in order’. Thus the reason I have purposely fallen victim for years to a man code that has eaten away at the fabric of the family.

Man Rules in all their ridiculous bravado have assisted in the death and destruction of the black family. Not solely responsible – but its damage can be found in the Souls of Black Folk. Look at us…what are we if we do not have respectable honor? And, to voice what has been described as righteous indignation (my opinions):

There is No Honor in Man Rules. Not the ones that do not protect and cherish integrity.

In the final analysis, at the end of the day - all there is a pseudo fraternity of imitation brotherhood that does not push or advocate for personal responsibility.

Written by The Shadow. Re-inspired by a married friend who asked me, “Can I bring my side chick with me when I come to visit you?” My new and improved response: “HELL NO!”