What is happening to me? I am changing into someone/something I do not recognize. Unidentifiable. The Shadow is being taken over by a foreign concept for most men.
I am actually considering a way of life that many women implement to gain clarity. To emotionally cleanse. To re-center. Bring themselves back to spiritual wholeness.
Some women are forced into this decision because of societal demographics. While this decision for her is unwanted it is somewhat an inevitable reality. A realness that has become an unwanted occurrence because of 'the way it is' for women today. Especially, for black women.
While my contemplation is a serious one, I am certain some men will mock my choice. I don't care. If I were concerned about what the 'fellas' think I would have tamed many of my comments that have indicted men. Me included. I would have decided to be silent in protection of the shallow man bond.
Forced from the brotherhood on my terms may be the reason I am coming out of the closet that has confined me to limited sexual pleasure. Pleasure that for many reasons have not generated much gratification.
Emptiness is what we have when we... (stop, Brian, clarify with an 'I statement'). Emptiness is what I have when I give away my sacred energy.
That energy is my sex. Sex that does not reach the level of meaningfulness. Sex that's empty. So empty that when the energy in life form leaves (ejaculates) my body I instantly want to be free of the hallow moment. I want to be with who I am emotionally comfortable: ME, MYSELF, AND I. Not with a naked, unpleasing, and irritating stranger.
Strangers are who many of us purposely and unknowingly give ourselves to via sexual intercourse - which may be the reason I have not fully benefited from unconnected sexual activity in a long time. And, consequently may be the reason I just can't do this causal copulating any longer with honoring what I am considering:
Celibacy
Written by The Shadow. Inspired by the last time I had sex. I wanted the female to get gone immediately after the first ejaculation.
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI had to read this several times.....before I understood what you were saying. Don't get me wrong if you were saying you are GAY (dang another one lost)....LOL but "celibacy" is something to consider but who are you kidding...You're a MAN..it is what it is. I know plenty women who prefer celibacy over casual sex but I know -0- men who can do without...here in the ATL is like purchasing penny candy for FREE.
-PL
The Shadow Responds to PL:
ReplyDeleteGot ur attention...Gay? Naw. I can't stop laughing.
Too much booty up in the place. It is just a damn overloaded Mack truck for men. SO much so, I am tired. Tired of hearing about it. Tired of experiencing it. Tired...Now, please understand that I am not saying that I got a chick up in my place every night. Not every week. I am just saying that when I think about sex these days, I think of how much wasted time I have experienced. How much I just wanted to say, "Can you please leave now? I am done with you. I want to be alone. I wasted my time. Holla!'
-The Shadow
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteGood one. I thought you were actually "coming out of the closet.". You wordsmith you! Lol.
-MP
PL Responds to The Shadow:
ReplyDeleteSo, are you feeling its time to be open to meet Mrs Payne?
-PL
The Shadow responds to PL:
ReplyDeleteNot unless the home is big enough for me to have my own apartment. I am too obsessive complusive to live with anyone. People over time get on my nerves when I live with them. Gotta have me some space more than the average.
-THe Shadow
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteAmen Brian. We need more men to look at sex in this manner. People have allowed society to destroy love making and meaning sex. I feel you 100%. It is extremely empty once the act is over. Hooray for you!
I can read a book and find pleasure.
-RS
Reader Response:
ReplyDeletewould you entertain the idea of dating a woman who didn't want to have sex before marriage? And are you saying that you are considering the idea of dating but no sex without being in a comitted relationship? Or are you taking yourself out of the dating scene altogether?
-RG
The Shadow responds to RG:
ReplyDeleteDating is whack. I don't go on no dates. I just want a good conversation, a little intimacy (if it leads to sex it has to be meaningful), and compatibility. Tired of the empty 'interfacing'. If I felt a connection and the young lady was not interested in pre-maritial sex...that may be tough. I may want to to express myself with her/share myself with her via sex. Sharing oneself sexual can be the BEST way to communicate feelings. Right? Marriage is not a factor. That too has proven to be a waste of time for over 50 percent of Americans. Most marriages I am in-tune with are a mess or were a mess (divorced).
-The Shadow
Reader response:
ReplyDeleteI'm just reading this and thinking to myself.........The Shadow Eugene......Celibate..........right!!!!!!
-The Shadow