The Difference

White women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Hang out.

Casually get to know the man while hooking up. It is all about having fun. A good time. No stress.

Sex is pretty much a guarantee. I list this with assurance because I have the acquired understanding that many white girls are of the belief that sex is not a prerequisite to a relationship. Not that I believe that white women are sluts! Floozies come in all forms. Including in male.

Black women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Marriage material or not.

Child or Children.

Then the Dating begins. Note I used the word 'dating'. For some reason, it has to be more formal than hanging out. Which in my experience brings an uneasy level of intensity to the mix. Makes it more important than what it is at the time. Which is laughable to me considering men are thinking along the lines of hittin it without feelings attached while the female is preparing to change the brotha so she can keep him – and/or save the brotha with help from Christ? Save him from what, by the way? Note also that the thoughts of the 'essentials' e.g. marriage and children are pre-dating.

Sex is the cement seal. It locks the brotha in. He has a girlfriend now! It becomes ridiculously serious like sex is not a natural animalistic act that humans physically want/need. Sex in many cases is some how used to legitimize the 'situation' which is a complete turn off for countless men: ‘Dang, I just banged it out. Nothing more!’ For the record, my white homie from Texas said that white women lock him down after he slangs it too!

As The Shadow thinks about this, he is certainly aware that his thoughts are experience based - and may not be the norm. A possible huge generalization on both ends of the spectrum for black and white women. However (However not used to negate The Shadow’s previous sentence), as The Shadow talk with men and women (mostly black and white of each gender) he is noticing a trend.

The Difference:

There is such a sense of black female urgency along the lines of relationships and dating in the black community. As if the white meat chicken sale is about to be over. As if the Frankie Beverly and Maze tickets are about to be sold out. As if the Mayfield ice cream is melting. As if it (whatever it is) is fading or dying faster than usual.

Just thinking.

Please validate or challenge my thoughts.

-The Shadow

Another Pity Party for Black Females

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/successful-black-woman-find-man/story?id=10213505

I actually thought about going. Then I was like: 'Not the same shyt.' I will pop a blood vessel up in there!

Again, there are black men for black women. Some "successful" black women have X-ed out many of black men who are every day guys.

Perhaps this is the reason why many of these women are alone: http://theshadowseries.blogspot.com/2010/03/medusa.html.

Medusa's are all over da place!

Black people discuss the most 'common' crap. It is always our tired azz issues. We gotta get it together.

There is so much to this life besides: relationships, race, and religion. Are we confined to the 3 R's?

Relationships: Come and Go.

Race: Will always be an issue.

Religion: A bunch of bull shit!

So much reason to expand/evolve!

Also, why in the h*ll would anyone listen to Steve Harvey's message on relationships? This man has been divorced 3 times...(do a fact check on that).

-The Shadow giving The People what they want and need (bout like the average preacher).

Coming Out the Closet

What is happening to me? I am changing into someone/something I do not recognize. Unidentifiable. The Shadow is being taken over by a foreign concept for most men.

I am actually considering a way of life that many women implement to gain clarity. To emotionally cleanse. To re-center. Bring themselves back to spiritual wholeness.

Some women are forced into this decision because of societal demographics. While this decision for her is unwanted it is somewhat an inevitable reality. A realness that has become an unwanted occurrence because of 'the way it is' for women today. Especially, for black women.

While my contemplation is a serious one, I am certain some men will mock my choice. I don't care. If I were concerned about what the 'fellas' think I would have tamed many of my comments that have indicted men. Me included. I would have decided to be silent in protection of the shallow man bond.

Forced from the brotherhood on my terms may be the reason I am coming out of the closet that has confined me to limited sexual pleasure. Pleasure that for many reasons have not generated much gratification.

Emptiness is what we have when we... (stop, Brian, clarify with an 'I statement'). Emptiness is what I have when I give away my sacred energy.

That energy is my sex. Sex that does not reach the level of meaningfulness. Sex that's empty. So empty that when the energy in life form leaves (ejaculates) my body I instantly want to be free of the hallow moment. I want to be with who I am emotionally comfortable: ME, MYSELF, AND I. Not with a naked, unpleasing, and irritating stranger.

Strangers are who many of us purposely and unknowingly give ourselves to via sexual intercourse - which may be the reason I have not fully benefited from unconnected sexual activity in a long time. And, consequently may be the reason I just can't do this causal copulating any longer with honoring what I am considering:

Celibacy

Written by The Shadow. Inspired by the last time I had sex. I wanted the female to get gone immediately after the first ejaculation.

The Medusa

Men are men. Women are women. The differences are vast. Men are analytical processors. Women are emotionally driven. Men are motivated by the frivolous. Women are dedicated to nurturing. With all the differences nothing should prevent us from distinguishing who is who and what is what.


Right?

With dating, the man once upon a time was expected to lead the process. This included determining what the date would entail: where, what, and how long depending on how 'dude' would behave. Act like a jerk, and the date would not last more than an hour. Good thing moms and dads always gave daughter taxi money.

Why was the woman given money to 'get out' of the date? The door has always been open for the female to flee if "he cuts a fool". How about when the woman misbehaves or turns out to be a raging Medusa? In my experience men must remain. Steadfast. Enduring. Deal with the gorgon. I never understood this. Men with good intentions have to pretend to be comfortable until the date is over.

I recall one of many dates from hell. I could not wait to bounce. Get gone...but out of long-suffering respect for the disturbed female pit-bull I 'remained'. Imprisoned with rude behavior toward wait staff. Shackled by the cost of this woman's fifth extra dirty Grey Goose martini. I still have the receipt. A memento saved to remind me not to go on a date with a woman who lives in a half a million dollar home ALONE, according to her she recently divorced a “weakling”, drives a Big Boy Mercedes, eats out every single night, lives among mess (junk all over the Haverty’s fully furnished home - one room only used: the bedroom for sleeping, snacking, and masturbating all the time), goes to church every Sunday but returns from mega church service in another sour mood, gets an expensive massage, pedicure, and manicure once a week, brags about her dildo like it is her personal Jesus, has a fitness trainer that gets a last minute cancellation notice from Ms. Thang all the time, stays on her BlackBerry chatting with other women like herself (there are more), and who by the way has no relationship with her cancer ill mother.

But, men are the butt holes?

What this manufactured culture has created are women with a perverse mentality of misguided feminism and shallow individualism: “I don’t need a man.” These women are societal bandits. Bandits, not social revolutionaries. Objectified losers that believe if they suppress their womanhood the world would be easier to live in.

A classic case of going against the grain of what is meant to be: Women are women and men are men.

In the end, which is the present, these females are The Bad News Bears...that never win because they have LOST their momma’s training. Purposely misplaced the delicate fundamentals of being a lady.

They gambled with the role changes of the 21st century, and lost. Not their material items - but what is important:

Respect

Once that is gone no man will come at the female with good intentions...thus the reason male/female relationships are jacked. Leaving women foolishly thinking they can get from a female companion what they can't get from a man. I said, A MAN.

We in trouble...when the woman begins to take on the negative characteristics of a boy! I said, A BOY.

Written by The Shadow. Inspired by The Medusa.

Tainted Man Rules

Rules are Rules. There should not be any deviation from them. If there is a ‘break away’ from the rules one should expect to be reprimanded and/or discarded. –The Unwritten

That is a strict message to not only send – but to comply to predetermined rules where no slack is given for breaking a rule must indicate that the culture that makes up the rules is serious about maintaining an intense level of order. Somewhat reflective of the military.

In the armed forces if one purposely or mistakenly deviates, a life could be lost. All it takes is one soldier to disobey an order or ignore a regulation; and an entire unit can be wiped out by the enemy. That is serious life altering business that affects the whole. The family. The bond.

Rules that pertain to the male culture are selfishly considered honorable e.g. man code-ish. Usually this way of conducting and behaving is in stark contrast to what is necessary to adhere to acceptable morals and values. Not that the male society is totally void of decency. No - that is not what I would like to imply. Nonetheless, the unwritten ‘policies’ are in contradiction of what many fathers convey to their sons. Basically, men with children do not tell their boys to subject themselves to the torching of their souls. As fathers we encourage our children to make the RIGHT decision. Typically, this right decision is without subjectivity. It should be an appropriate decision that falls inline with the natural order i.e. adhering to The Golden Rule. This rule, by the way, if followed could eradicate many issues that pollute the world and the souls of mankind.

Our souls keep a record of all the good and bad we project into the universe. It is a journal where entries cannot be erased. The imprints are written in blood. Literally, in blood because what we bear to our soul is unchangeable. It is sealed, typically with a pain; not a joy. Therefore, what we share with the world after living for awhile is a composition of regrettable decisions. However, these decisions do not become unwanted complexities of our souls until we are ready to face them head-on. With truth. With humility. With full disclosure. Prior to this RIGHT decision we willingly allow the soul of man to be in conflict.

ALL men are fully aware of what I am attempting to convey. Many of us are not prepared to listen to the vehicle I have chosen to reveal the message. That vehicle is the bosom of my “messy” soul. My “pull pit” is where I have waddled for years. Never realizing that the mess that I have created is all I have to address MY behavior. My demons. Demons that are with all of us to some degree, if not, similar demons. So, in all of this I have taken a road that leaves me in the position of being inaccurately accused that ‘My house is in order’. Thus the reason I have purposely fallen victim for years to a man code that has eaten away at the fabric of the family.

Man Rules in all their ridiculous bravado have assisted in the death and destruction of the black family. Not solely responsible – but its damage can be found in the Souls of Black Folk. Look at us…what are we if we do not have respectable honor? And, to voice what has been described as righteous indignation (my opinions):

There is No Honor in Man Rules. Not the ones that do not protect and cherish integrity.

In the final analysis, at the end of the day - all there is a pseudo fraternity of imitation brotherhood that does not push or advocate for personal responsibility.

Written by The Shadow. Re-inspired by a married friend who asked me, “Can I bring my side chick with me when I come to visit you?” My new and improved response: “HELL NO!”