Mothers Raise Daughters and Love Sons
After all these years I am convinced that this statement is true.
Mothers are forever raising their girls to be good girls. We know what comes with that: appropriate mannerism, comforting tendencies, unrelenting compassion, respectful language, and longwinded patience. Someone (a female) is probably thinking, ‘That’s the way I was raised…but I do not see that type of rearing today.’
To be honest, I rarely interface with teen and 20-something females with the above personality traits. I guess I hang out at the wrong coffee shops, the wrong Target, the wrong grocery store, and/or the wrong bookstore. And, I know for a fact that they are not at the mega churches.
What I see regularly are wandering spirits. Unsecure and insecure souls! I see neglected-daddy girls searching for a place within their womanhood. Unfortunately, in the search they often times latch onto the likes of women who display their natural femminity via their superficial sexuality.
In the complex effort to assure they grow-up to be respectable women, moms neglect to create an adoring relationship with daughter.
Why? Because momma was told by her mother and grandmother that, ‘You have to be a lady. You better not get pregnant, you better keep your legs closed and you better not have sex!’
Could it be because momma regarded her girl as an ‘item’ to prepare, repair or fix most likely for a rottenly loved boy; not a well-balanced man?
When we prepare/fix something we don’t think to love what needs repairing. We just focus on the fixing. The repairing. After the item is in working condition we leave it…we leave it in place until we are ready to use the item again.
There is no LOVE in what we believe to be in need of FIXING.
We need to stop raising our daughters to be someone’s Utility of Perfection.
We need to love on our girls like we love on our boys. However, in this love that’s desperately needed it is my hope and prayer that we do not implement what we have with our boys, Coddling.
Let’s eradicate the raising of Hope and the spoiling of
Kanyes
Let’s replace both -raising and spoiling- with Teaching and Nurturing, and Teach to be citizens of the world
C.D. Glin served in South Africa from 1997-1999 and currently, is the Director of the Office of Intergovernmental Affairs and Partnerships with the Peace Corps
and Nurture to be
The Shadow
On-point with this one. I've had the conversation recently that we're hard as hell on our daughters and wimps when it comes to our sons. It hardens our daughters and sometimes drives them to try to find that nurturing in other women--in unhealthy ways. Trying to get what mama never gave. And our sons . . . well, we know how they turn out with too much coddling. Good commentary!
ReplyDeleteI too had this conversation with people on many occasions. Men, especially black men, are feeling entitled because of the way that they were raised, and expect all women to coddle them like their Mothers and not hold them accountable for their actions. So many black women are going outside of our race to find a well balanced man, not that anything is wrong with that, but it is occuring more and more now than ever before. Our men need to be loved and raised properly so that they know how to treat that woman who has been molded for him! Our daughters, particularly black ones need more love and affection from Mama. I have a son and daughter and they are loved equally and I have the same expectations for both of them!
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