Bitter but Sweet Growth

Dear God's Beauty,

You made the best choice...I really hate to admit that. Hate is such a powerful word - but hate is necessary for some to experience so that he/she will feel how hate ends up as the reality of one's situation.

This predicament has produced two truths that I am somewhat happy about. Inconsequently, truth can be a painful reality. In our case, there are two realities that bring forth an emotionally complicated elation. Unfortunately, my Beauty, this reality is unwanted.

Reality Number One

You have proven to me - and I dance with jubilation because of the proof - that you are the type of woman I want. You are of upper echelon femininity. Like a fine cigar marinating in the fields of Honduras. You are a woman! The tenacity you project. The energy that you exude. Every inch of you – I am sure – is of top self quality. Your industry is fitting of you…that’s if you are only requested to provide the best – and you do that in every way possible. So enticing like a Gran Habano. So absorbing like Paruyr Sevak (40 year old Armenian cognac / $2,445 per bottle). You need no dilution:

Reality Number Two

I have proven to myself that I am changing without evading. Leaving the sad and pathetic bosom of narcissistic deceit. Damn - it has been too long on that pothole plagued road! I could have easily lied and lied with this: "No, Beautiful, the 2yr old's reservoir of life form and I do not experience any dramatics. It is all good! Furthermore, there are not any present concerns that will affect you and I in getting to know each other romantically." Without pride, I have used that line before…without the 2yr old part (he was not in my photo of evolution yet) - and I have desperately used it to get a pleasurable feeling...that in fact lasts no more than 8 seconds. All that hardship men cause for a brief tingle…that feeling is not worthy of ancestral respect. Look at your vintage past.

God’s Beauty, you could have easily ignored the possible soulfully draining trauma and allowed us to forge a relationship...as I would have passionately pushed, chased, and courted you! This time the erectness - standing at humble attention - would have been motivated by the desire to settle. Settle down, not sacrifice.

Consequently, in the end we would have began something that we could not have finished. Or, we would have been too emotionally spent and invested to gracefully end what we started (a friendship-leading-to-relationship). Yeah, it would have been done right this time. My lust for your treasure would have been tamed so that we could unleash in and with love at a much later date. I am that confident because I would have been close to perfection for you!

You have given me what I needed and deserved.

REJECTION

This time the affects of the rejection started out dark and gloomy - but as I sit/sat here in the Target’s Starbucks pressing these small BlackBerry icons so that I could share this honest expression, I noticed/I am noticing that the Sun is shining and beaming on my back.

PS. By any chance do you have any

The Shadow is appreciating YOU!