The Ratio Consequence

*The Image (above): Random Dude up in a Vagina?*

I reluctantly went to a NYE's house party. Was tired and was afraid it would be a waste of my time. Thankfully, the party was fun. Friends, libation, and food. The makings of a good time. Oh! I forgot to mention plenty of women.

I am never the life of a party. What I typically do is eat and drink without socializing with unfamiliar folk. Don't need anymore friends, and to be very honest I am not that interested in meeting ANOTHER woman.

To the point:

We are at an age (late 30's) where getting a nut is not all that critical. Right? With this in mind, I went to the party with the expectation NOT to hook-up. This is my attitude all the time, by the way. I just want a 'lounge' environment. Unfortunately for me, living in Atlanta has proven that getting some azz just happens even when you don't care to bang. It is almost a guarantee! A guarantee that I wish on many occasions had better odds of being a ‘surprise upset’.

The Scenario:

Girl I met a year ago and have seen maybe three other times is at the party. She tight. Has all the trimmings: smart, body, beauty, and money. You know, the typical in Atlanta; and in most urban cities throughout the United States considering that too many black men are in prison, on their way to prison, at the cemetery, liking men, or so fed-up with black women that he got himself a Jack Johnson arm piece.

She has always flirted. I flirt back. She knows everything about my 'love life'. Knows it all. No lies/No secrets. Don’t have to hide anything in The A. Keep ya wedding band on, Niggas! Party is dying down. Girl goes next door to her friend's house to go to sleep. I decide to stay the night. Too liquored-up to drive. I go over to the girl's friend house to park my head on the sofa. Definitely my innocent intention. I called out for the girl. She answers. I enter the room where she plans 'to sleep'. She is in the bed naked. She made sure that I noticed that! She summons, “Just lay with me for a few.” I oblige. She says, "You men have it so easy. You leave a party. Find me in a bed. And, now, you are about to get some. Black women got it tough out here while you brothas just get p*ssy so easily. Please f*ck me good."

Sometimes I just want to stay home to avoid the plethora of azz. Grown azz man hiding from p*ssy.

The Reality as told by The Shadow:

In the A can be ridiculously easy. It is a non-challenge. The women are fine, intelligent, some wealthy - but psychologically jacked-up as a result of The Ratio. All this leaving America's FADING Mecca with a tough reality: Not a good place to find a wife or husband. Unless the brotha is willing to pull layer after layer back from the complex and bruised soul of America’s black women. Unless the sista is desperate enough to hang on while Mr. Man plays - and plays in the cheap Candy Store.

Well, well, well.

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

To Cheat God, my Wife, and Myself

I have been married for 8 years. The first seven years were remarkable. I went into my marriage believing it would be a difficult adjustment for me. After being single for so long I was afraid that I would have a hard time adapting to sharing and compromising. I must admit that it has not been that tough. I attribute this to my wife. She has been my rock. My confidant. That special friend we all have needed or will need one day. It is her that’s made this new status blissful. But, like all good runs there are steep hills that can stop the best man/woman in his/her tracks.

For the past year my wife and I have NOT HAD SEX. It was not until the six month that I started to believe that we could be heading in the wrong direction. Going without sex for half a year after getting it at least 2-3 times a week for eight years has disrupted the flow of our marriage. Sex is certainly not everything – but it has been a part of our foundation.

We have used sex to procreate, for fun, for the good sensory feeling it brings, and to eliminate stress. Both of our children are older, and do not require the task that typically get in the way of a pleasing sexual experience. My wife claims she is “temporarily unmotivated”. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Baby, I am just going through something. I will be back to normal soon.” She has assured me that she does not have a health or psychological issue. So, what could be the problem?

I have not gained any weight. I am still “fine”. She tells me this every other day – but she ain’t following the compliments up with giving me the azz. At this point, I am extremely frustrated. I have prayed about this. Still no answer. Being that I am a saved man (a deacon in the church); I must say that I am spiritually conflicted too.

My flesh constantly pulls me toward satisfying that sexually urge and need. My mind tells me that cheating is not the answer. However, I feel CHEATED by my wife. Here I am, a dynamic father, great husband, and a devoted Christian – but I am currently in a predicament where my options are: go out and get some booty or wait this out with my wife. For another freaking year?!
To be quite frank, I have been more than patient. It has been a damn year without sex from my friend and lover. And, even more critical for me is I am pissed off at my wife for putting me in this complex spot: On the verge of breaking my commitment to God. This one factor angers me the most because I am at this crossroad of dishonoring my Lord. Ultimately, it will be God who I betray. The vows. The sanity of our union is at stake because my wife woke-up one morning, and decided she was tired of having sex. She has that right, of course. Nonetheless, we have a duty to please each other in the ways that we established prior to marriage and during our marriage.

She is not holding up her end of the deal, and if she does not deal appropriately I am going to end up Cheating God, my wife, and myself. No one wins under these circumstances. No one!

What shall I do?

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

The Purpose

On too many occasions the black man’s voice has been stifled by ‘the system’ that he has invested his faith, time, and trust. This act of non-inclusion and rejection single-handedly leads to pervasive frustration and all sorts of complexities that will and have contributed to the Plight of the Black Man. Included in this conflict is his ongoing attempts to be a ‘good man’. A decent man for his wife/girl, children, and community.

Some believe living in America is an easy task if only you are motivated to attain the American Dream. However, the black man has found the attainment to be somewhat littered with conflict: Downs.

One ‘down’ that’s typically prevalent in his daily life is his relationship with black women. Again, some believe the system I have referred to has been the culprit, the poison that has handicapped the black male-female relationship dynamic.

On this blog The Shadow will address issues of the black man. He will regurgitate the varying – but poignant occurrences of black men in written form. All situations have been shared with The Shadow over the years. With the permission of the black man (who was brave enough to share his story), The Shadow will make an attempt to retell the life event without any spin whatsoever.

On this sacred place of literary disclosure, The Shadow asks all readers to provide feedback, state an opinion, and/or continue to be silent.

-The Shadow