Sunday, February 24, 2013 marked two years of official
unemployment. That’s unemployment outside of my skillset.
I have definitely worked over the past 24 months. On
several occasions, I was reminded of how much of a metro sexual softy that I
am. Many of my employment assignments were manual in labor. Manual in labor…I like that!
Someone asked me a few weeks ago, “Do you really look
for a job every single day?” I remain puzzled by her question…of course I search
for employment every day…employment that matches my extensive education and training!
What was I supposed to do with my news media overload mornings, occasional boring
afternoons, and lonesome evenings of Two and a Half Men reruns - skipping a day
to relax my overactive brain…rest to avoid depressing frustration? No, I got up
each and every morning with job on my mind. Find a job, I mean!
Inconsequently, I must admit that the search has taken a
toll on my medication induced enthusiastic spirit and the job pursuit has zapped
all the professional self-esteem I had prior to my membership in the Rat Race.
Thankfully, my peculiar self-confidence has not taken a defeated hit. I still do
believe that I am a damn good catch with the unemployment tag written all over
my face…I think. But, I have not had a date or anyone to express further
interest in me after I disclose that I am Seeking Employment. Not sure if that
fact has adjusted my Chi…my swag? Nope…it has not.
My spirit –the life-force- within me has resembled a
tattered work bag. It is somewhat still useful, and the only reason I hold onto
the ‘bag’ is because the bag is all I have…
It is a bag that has somewhat defined me. I can admit it
now…The Peace Corps, the YMCA, AmeriCorps, and Goodwill Industries have been
the Epitome of my Existence. I have been identified from my human service
contribution…from attempting to be unique. Unique as in, I am one of a not too
many African American men working in the capacity of domestic and international
service. But, that life appears to be over – and I am perfectly okay with that.
SO okay with that!
My soul is all that I have remaining besides my
children. They in fact should be enough. Although, having pride in knowing that
I have children and believing that I am a decent father does not pay the financial
responsibilities that I have lingering.
Lingering is a good word to describe my emotional
status. I am just here…lingering on, not leaning on. I definitely don’t lean on the everlasting hand of Jesus! Lingering
for me is identified as staying in range…in range of pinpointing and securing
success.
With humility, I do not need God or a Jesus for that.
God’s job is complete. It is My Time to be what a Divine Force has secondarily
sanctioned Me to Be:
Free from managerial and directorship responsibility. I
have NO desire to manage, lead, or direct. None whatsoever! All I want to do is
be anonymously one with trash pickup. Trash does not chatter excessively, repulsively
whine, lie or mislead to acquire status, call-out because of monthly cramps, deliberately
backstab, or sexually harass females with intoxicating sex appeal.
I prefer Trash…
The Shadow from the Shadow Series
