Recently, on two separate occasions two different women told me in essence:

'You are not necessarily a good catch.'

One indicated that I could not afford her and the other implied that I do not have time for her due to the fact that I have parental responsibilities.

For the past 3 weeks I have been thinking about their assertions/opinions/beliefs/decision to bypass me, a father of three (two of the children are here in GA with/near me and I am very active in the children lives) and a man (me) who has struggled in the job market for a lengthy time period, leaving me with limited monies.

I must admit I was somewhat taken a back...I actually developed an attitude. I began to get pissed off as the days passed. I eventually calmed down, and took a few moments to think a little more about their words/decisions and my feelings.

I certainly understand we all have standards and certain selection criteria. I also understand that these beautiful -in all the ways that I prefer- have a right to be selective.

What I typically do when a justification on why someone will not do something is presented to me: I become somewhat defensive if I have conceded to do the opposite before in my lifetime.

 

For example, I have willingly/freely/without judgment dated several women who could fall under the characterization of the above "Not Necessarily a Good Catch". I have been the boyfriend of a couple of women who had children at the time. I have also dated COUNTLESS women and became Mr. Boyfriend to quite a few females who were essentially broke...busted. Additionally, I personally know a number of good men who have become involved with single mothers and financially challenged women.

This confirms to me that men are quite tolerant when these so called barriers are realities. Just think about the men you know who have been daddy to kids that were not his own...think about that brother who was bill payer for women. Think about them...These men looked pass the 'unbecoming characteristics' - and dived in...into to the relationship with Baby Momma and/or Mrs. Penniless.

SO, I have a question:

Why have many of these women decided to PASS on a Broke Brother and/or active Baby Daddy when IN FACT if the scenario/situation was reversed the man would disregard the 'bad characteristics' - and embrace the female?

 

The Shadow

 

 

I have witnessed time and time again FAR TOO MANY African American mothers purposely emasculate their sons. I have also been a witness to the unintentionally 'bitching-down' of young black boys by their single parent black momma.

(Now, before you continue to read please do understand that my emotional and mental disposition this AM has been negatively altered. Therefore, I may be a bit offensive - but please do know that every single word that I type is My Truth...Mine!)

I -this morning- was a victim of a black female's bitter...scorned wrath...in the PRESENCE of my son, Bryce. 

After a great deal of prayer and maturation I have learned to initially ignore a woman when she is behaving like a typical nicca girl. In the past, I would get nigger-rish in response. That only led to two properly raised and educated people arguing...in public, in private or in the presence of their off-springs. No mo of dat!

When a young black man is in the home of a single black mother who is unsuccessfully dealing with her hatred for black dad, he (the son) will grow to resent black mom. He will constantly question why black mom is ALWAYS at black dad's throat: punking him, yelling at him, treating him like an infection. The black son tucks away these experiences. He makes a mental note of the treatment - and later when he is coming into himself...becoming the Baby Boy that black mom has created, he will soon begin to vividly recall his mom's behavior. It is such a powerful memory...so much so he is disgusted by not only the behavior but repulsed by black women. He grows into teenage years literally pissed with black mom because she purposely PUSHED black dad to either a breaking point or temporarily -in some circumstances- permanently AWAY. The black dad becomes estranged. He bolts in a effort to NOT bust black mom in the head. 

In the end black boy begins to have relationship dilemmas with black girl. In the end after ONLY witnessing his mother fly-off the handle with black dad time and time again he solidifies his motherly-created belief:

All Black Women are Mad as Hell

This pervasive belief/understanding has some validity thus the reason it has been documented in cinema.

Then after black mom and black girlfriends validate the stereotypes (partial truths) he finally crosses over...he gets him an international chick or a Susie (white girl).

The Shadow

Scandal's Scandal...

 October 17, 2013, 9:53PM 

 

As many of you (African American women) prepare to watch a TV show that features a black woman be a whore monger, I find it not only strangely interesting but shamefully perplexing that you are so captivated by a show that promotes an erosion of morality. Then again…I should not be so mind-fogged considering it is the female that made soap opera actors millionaires! Be truthful...be of fact: The main character is a home wrecker...a relationship sabotager...a cheater...a 2-bit high dollar female disgrace. So I ask, does this show Scandal garner so much attention from black females (who are by personal admission and experience disgusted by adulterous affairs) induce some ridiculous sense of power that you have forfeited as a result of choosing the wrong man or lost because you have become the New Slave of Corporate America? Also in/with fact, Scandal would not be as popular if it featured a fine black man involved with a white woman who is married. African American women have always deplored the interracial relationship that features a black man sexing a white woman. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Tiki Barber, even Blair Underwood has been bashed by black women because his new television series character is in relationship with a white woman. Are you, God's creation of decency, so mind damaged...so emotionally handicapped that you will glorify what you truly despise? Where is the black feminist condemnation...as there would be if the situation/scenario displayed the opposite? I have said time and time again that African American women are beginning to take on male traits...the detrimental characteristics that demean and that will eventually destroy black male-female interactions and connections. Some of you, black female fans of Scandal, will blow off my critical commentary as nothing but a black man enraged by a beautiful black woman banging a white man. Some will say that I am being overly critical of a well-written and remarkably produced television show...that I am making my discomfort out to be more than what it is, a TV show that provides entertainment. But, I have also said that what’s praised is also a Want and a Desire…like the most wanted and desired boy in high school by the hot-in-the-pants girls is the Flunky…The Bad Boy…The Baby Boy type. Actually, this juvenileness plays itself out well beyond secondary school! By any chance do you, the queen of civilation, desire to be a slut - or are you that woman who was made into a slut by the most sought-after man? 

The Shadow 

Safe Finish?

Damn...we are not safe at school...at the mall...at the movies...at the park...at the grocery store...we are not safe at all. Boston Marathon explosions at the finish line. Think about that...At the finish line. Imagine the thrilling feeling of finishing a marathon. Imagine what goes through the mind of a runner when he/she sees the finish line. Imagine the thoughts the runner has of completing and later relaxing...Sad world we live in. We are not even safe when we are FINISH...

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/16/us/explosions-reported-at-site-of-boston-marathon.html?_r=0

 

Anonymously One with Trash

Sunday, February 24, 2013 marked two years of official unemployment. That’s unemployment outside of my skillset. 

I have definitely worked over the past 24 months. On several occasions, I was reminded of how much of a metro sexual softy that I am. Many of my employment assignments were manual in labor. Manual in labor…I like that! 

Someone asked me a few weeks ago, “Do you really look for a job every single day?” I remain puzzled by her question…of course I search for employment every day…employment that matches my extensive education and training! What was I supposed to do with my news media overload mornings, occasional boring afternoons, and lonesome evenings of Two and a Half Men reruns - skipping a day to relax my overactive brain…rest to avoid depressing frustration? No, I got up each and every morning with job on my mind. Find a job, I mean! 

Inconsequently, I must admit that the search has taken a toll on my medication induced enthusiastic spirit and the job pursuit has zapped all the professional self-esteem I had prior to my membership in the Rat Race. Thankfully, my peculiar self-confidence has not taken a defeated hit. I still do believe that I am a damn good catch with the unemployment tag written all over my face…I think. But, I have not had a date or anyone to express further interest in me after I disclose that I am Seeking Employment. Not sure if that fact has adjusted my Chi…my swag? Nope…it has not.   

My spirit –the life-force- within me has resembled a tattered work bag. It is somewhat still useful, and the only reason I hold onto the ‘bag’ is because the bag is all I have…

It is a bag that has somewhat defined me. I can admit it now…The Peace Corps, the YMCA, AmeriCorps, and Goodwill Industries have been the Epitome of my Existence. I have been identified from my human service contribution…from attempting to be unique. Unique as in, I am one of a not too many African American men working in the capacity of domestic and international service. But, that life appears to be over – and I am perfectly okay with that. SO okay with that! 

My soul is all that I have remaining besides my children. They in fact should be enough. Although, having pride in knowing that I have children and believing that I am a decent father does not pay the financial responsibilities that I have lingering. 

Lingering is a good word to describe my emotional status. I am just here…lingering on, not leaning on. I definitely don’t lean on the everlasting hand of Jesus! Lingering for me is identified as staying in range…in range of pinpointing and securing success. 

With humility, I do not need God or a Jesus for that. God’s job is complete. It is My Time to be what a Divine Force has secondarily sanctioned Me to Be: 

Free from managerial and directorship responsibility. I have NO desire to manage, lead, or direct. None whatsoever! All I want to do is be anonymously one with trash pickup. Trash does not chatter excessively, repulsively whine, lie or mislead to acquire status, call-out because of monthly cramps, deliberately backstab, or sexually harass females with intoxicating sex appeal. 

I prefer Trash…

The Shadow from the Shadow Series