Women are NOT Victims

As some men 'grow' in the complicated world of relationship he will be told that he is the reason for the way some women behave and respond under stressful relationship situations e.g. refer to a man as a dog when in fact female allowed him to be a dog with female.

While agree that man (male), in general, is the reason for so much strife and that he has made extremely damaging decisions that have negatively affected the entire planet e.g. war, slavery, and so much more - I am not prepared to declare any longer that men are the reason for Ms. Victim to be in Victim Status. As a male friend of 20 plus years told me, “You have allowed for women to manipulate you into making poor decisions regarding other friendships.” He is right…I have immediately taken the female’s side on occasion. When I should have investigated a little more. While this is a good approach in theory (come to the aid of the female) it has proven to be detrimental for me: What I have learned is Ms. Victim in her self-induced pain is overwhelmingly calculated and conniving. To the extent she will ruin a man’s reputation and stain his character as a result.

It is high time for some females to do everything possible to avoid the pathetic Victim Room. It actually does not work with most men, The Woe is Me Syndrome. Many men have been known to exploit it. When I think about it with my caveman instinct, he should.

Many of us (men) begin to lose respect for women who play this Victim Card time after time. It is unattractive. It is deplorable. It has been the reason for so much drama! It causes men who are growing into positive maturity to avoid relationship during a valuable period in his life: His 40’s and 50’s (taken from a psychologist).

It is indication that Ms. Victim has issues that need to be addressed with a therapist.

-The Shadow Series

Keeping the Legs Closed

Sometimes in life we lose friends. Sometimes you gain/make a friend. I have had the opportunity to have a few friends that have been good for my life. I am sitting here hoping I have enriched someone else's life with my 90% friendship. I did not give 100%. I have been unable to because I am aware that people hurt each other. So, I shield most of myself from people's shit! The remaining 10% stays in reserves so I will not be on E when my friend decides to do what human nature dictates: LOOK OUT FOR SELF.

I have been the hurter and I have been hurt. I am deeply sorry for all those I have hurt. What I find interesting: most of the friends I have hurt are female. That to me is arresting. Why? Because it is obvious to me that most of the female friends I have had the pleasure to have in my life ended up WANTING me. Wanting me to be more than a friend. That is not ego talking. It is my truth. It is what I have been able to glean, and I believe that I am right.

My dreadful mistake was when I participated in taking the friendship to an intimacy level even after I told the female friend that I am not interested in more than what we have, friendship. That was my colossal mistake.

The question remains, what blunder did the female friend make? It is obvious: when she thought she could separate emotion from reality. Emotion came along as soon as she opened her legs. Reality exited the room for a moment of sex.

Reality remained the next day for me. Not for female friend. That was the collision. The accident. That's when my friendship with the female ended.

I write all of the above to express:

Women, when a man show you his card believe it is the right card. It is not a trick. Take him for what he has said and displayed. If he says, 'I am not interested in a relationship.' BELIEVE him! And keep ya legs closed! And finally, stop allowing yourself to be ruled by emotion. Emotion keeps ya wide open. It makes you desperate. Try to control it. Don't get rid of it. Just control it - or make every effort to
KEEP YA LEGS CLOSED.

-The Shadow

Karma is a coming

I am of the belief that certain people -not all- are in our lives to help us receive the inevitable, Karma.

We get what we deserve in this world. You reap what you sow - is a saying that I refuse to believe in regards to those of us who are The Least of Us. The Innocent. There is no way I will ever believe an aging lady taking a morning stroll deserved or reaped to be viciously attacked by three pit bulls.

What I will boldly solidify with my belief:

When you believe that you were "wronged" you may want to think back. Really think back with, Why is this episode occurring or has occurred? For example, if you are a person who believes you have been horribly slighted by another person e.g. cheated on - and don't deserve the fallout from the cheating; perhaps you may want to reevaluate the relationships you have participated in. Were you declaring, as one of the Tiger Woods’ floozies said, "He cheated on his wife. I was not the one cheating." While this disrespector of holy matrimony did not technically "cheat on" Tiger's wife, she participated in behavior that ended up negatively altering and affecting the life of Tiger's wife and child.

To sum this up without reigniting a Tiger Woods discussion:

Ladies, just because you are "not cheating on” anyone in a situation like the T. Woods saga - you are in affect and in fact assisting in a dreadful collision. Like that grandma saying goes: If you were there you are just as guilty. Therefore, please expect karma to slap your ass right in the face one day for sleeping around with a married man. No matter how you conveniently rationalize this disgusting behavior you are wrong. Dead wrong, and should expect for some guiltless and heartless Jezebel to do the same to you one day…if it is not already occurring. Karma is a coming!!

The tragedy will be if you (Ms. Innocent - The Assistant in the crime), cannot humbly put two and two together - and realize:

You are getting your pay back.

WE must learn from our indiscretions...if not - we will definitely perish in our self induced mistakes. Believe me, I am a believer in karma and a deserving victim as a result of the wrongs I have willingly committed.

-The Shadow

Dear Women,

Every woman I have dated, been involved with as boyfriend, or even if we were 'kicking it' for more than a one night stand has been 'wife material'. I am so thankful I have not had many one nighters. The few I did have were extremely awkward. Yuck!

Simply put: I have been….(should I use the word blessed here?) Okay…simply put: I have had several Good Women to put up with my volatile moodiness and stiff quirkiness! The seldom used adjectives used to describe a Good Woman should be and can be applied to these women.

This is not a remarkable truth. It is somewhat characteristic of most men's relationship situations with women. Well, that's if the men are able to identify with the goodness. It is there. It is present. It is underneath the layers of pain men have more than likely caused.

I thought last week:

"Wow! Most of the women I have interfaced with have been at their core more worthy than I. When all the covers are pulled back, I was not worthy of the love, care, and constant attention that they displayed and genuinely gave to me. From T to W, from A to M, from P to S, from C to E, from D to K, from F to Y, from J to R - my selections (expressing humility now) have been extremely top self (the letters represent the first initial of some of the women)."

Again, I was not worthy!

I am so thankful I am able to express that to YOU (all of you are BCC'ed). That in itself is a true testament of your character: After the heartache (more for some and less for others) I may have caused you are still connected to me even if it is only with an email address.

Turning 40 should not be this transformative. Lord…I can honestly admit that YOU have helped me SEE myself!

The Shadow

Black Women and Their Hair (Not again)

What you are about to read is a response I posted on a friend's FB page after he expressed himself on the topic:

Black Women and Their Hair

Hair....black women???? Would rather maintain a nice 'do' instead of allowing a little rain to cool overheated skin from sun exposure - and will break their necks trying to get out of the rain. Would rather gain 15 pounds a year than workout: "The sweat will mess-up my hair."

The Shadow dated a woman who went natural so that she could workout with him. Her exact words, "While you are at the gym some working out sista may get your attention. Please help me find a barber!" Another woman The Shadow dated said, "We can have sex tonight - but it can't be like last time. Last night. I sweated too much, and my hair fell."

The Shadow was with the first mentioned woman longer...even though he had not hit it yet. The Shadow got rid of the second mentioned woman even though she was giving it up regularly!

http://www.miamiherald.com/multimedia/news/afrolatin/part2/index.html

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xdiqjy_nbc-today-show-why-are-women-obsess_news

The Shadow