Steve Harvey’s Book: An Official Review without Reading

I am not a Steve Harvey fan. Chris Rock’s my go to guy for jokes. I do not wake-up yearning to hear what Steve is pushing. My preference is NPR and Neil Boortz in the AM. I have not purchased his new book, Steve Harvey at Amazon. Decided to get Tavis’s (Black America’s stepchild) new book instead, Tavis Smiley Accountable. He’s talking about something that sustains my interest and reminds me to make better decisions these days: Accountability. No, I will not read Steve’s book. What I have done is read various editorials to gain his perspective of what I have entitled, The Pathetic, but Artful Sham. Besides, he does not need my $16. He will surely get plenty of folk’s money now that the Queen of Making Millionaires has co-signed on his triple divorce opinions, generalizations, and facts. All I need is one episode on Oprah!

Men have been masters of pretending to be something that they are not. Some claim to be wealthy businessmen others profess to be great fathers. However, some men in this atrocious dating climate have decided to be less than what they really are so that they will not be expected to commit. Believe that, ladies! There are men out there who are genuinely chivalrous, caring, romantic, communicative, affectionate, giving, and all the wonderful characteristics of a ‘good man’ – but he has artfully shammed women into ‘accepting’ that he is an asshole.

A brotha told me a few days ago that he has not been who his mother raised him to be with women because if he does he will be flooded with desperate attempts to marry him off or women will arrive with an overnight bag when the rendezvous is suppose to be a booty call, nothing more. I was confused at first, but it began to make sense. This man has decided to be something he is not so that women will not get attached. He has altered his personality so that he can maintain his singlehood without commitment pressure. He has been living outside of his authentic self to deflect a woman’s love. Even with the, ‘I am not interested in a relationship at this point in my life’ disclaimer; he has still found it necessary to hoodwink women into believing that he is a jerk.

Guess what?

His efforts are a waste of time. The women he has shammed remain head over hills.

What is a man to do?

Men and women are consciously removed from their authenticity (true selves). This leaving all of us who are still searching for Mr./Mrs. Right in an abyss of shameful falsehood. Women carrying on like men or not facing reality (he just banging you) - and men doing the normal: Evading commitment like little boys. Everybody purposefully faking, no one living in their purpose.

I gather from my research that Steve Harvey’s book covers my commentary. I accept checks.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/23/o.steve.harvey.love.advice/index.html

http://advice.eharmony.com/article/steve-harvey-act-like-a-lady-think-like-a-man.html
Written by The Shadow.

Drama and Disagreement after the Legs Open

The email correspondence began with, “I miss you”. A disclosure that begs for an identical sentiment. Unfortunately, the conversation below ended in the typical feminine outburst and with a brand of machismo innocence.

What is the usual result when a woman has invested her feelings (opened up her legs) while the man has not taken any action to become emotionally involved/connected (behaving like the animal he is)? DRAMA that rarely ends with the female admitting she may just be responsible for her very own pity party. DISAGREEMENT that relinquishes the male of any responsibility.

The Conversation

Good morning Mr. Man. I miss you. –The Female
Miss you too. No boyfriend yet? –The Male
Very funny.........don't see that happening any time soon. –The Female
I was serious. Has one of your old lovers replaced me? –The Male
Nope...no replacement. When I'm alone and needing to be touched I just imagine it's you instead of my hand. What about you? –The Female
I think you are not telling the truth. Sex is getting overrated to me. –The Male
New Years Eve was the last time. I've never lied to you. Do you remember that night we were up at 4am reading magazines because I couldn't sleep and no one felt like they had to talk? I like that. I do miss the sex (with you). I miss it a lot because we are good together, but I also miss how comfortable I am with you. That’s hard to come by. And by the way, you didn't answer my question. Just because you feel it's overrated doesn't mean you're not doing it. :o) –The Female
Wow. I think I've done it a few times since then. –The Male
So I guess I'm the one whose been replaced. I didn't realize how much that would hurt. It does. Wow! –The Female

The Ending

The female is hurt, disappointed, crushed, and/or feeling cheap. The male is standing his ground: “I did nothing wrong. I was honest from the beginning.”

Men Real Talk (Mr. Man 1 and Mr. Man 2)

I can't stop laughing. "we are good together". She can’t be serious. I wonder if women realize that men hear that a lot. I wonder if they realize that most sexual encounters with men are just that, a damn encounter. And, she's "hurt". I want to read your response to her “hurt” disclosure. Send it, man! –Mr. Man 1

At this stage I'm wise enough to allow women to stubbornly hold on to their self imposed fantasies which are often laced with deceit and manipulation. –Mr. Man 2

You are seriously not going to respond to her? Leaving her bewildered? Hurt? Disappointed? –Mr. Man 1

Yep. We have gone through this for 2 years. –Mr. Man 2

And, she still lingering with this pathetic ‘I am so hurt crap’? Is there more to the story? –Mr. Man 1

No. I told her that I could only provide her with sex. Of course, I treat her well when she is in my company. As I do all of my company. I have told her on several occasions that I have sex with other women. This is her choice. –Mr. Man 2

I just don't get it. You were that upfront - but she's "hurt". Just a failure to protect her feelings...in my book! Women set themselves up for their own pain! And, men end up the villains! I have said it time and time again: Men should not be responsible for making decisions to protect a females' feelings when they (men) are in fact NOT responsible for their emotions/feelings. Yes, we should not deliberately hurt women - but men cannot live their lives tiptoeing because a woman may get upset or hurt by a decision she MADE to satisfy her animalistic desire. Damn that shyt! You are in the clear! I guarantee you that she will call wanting you to ‘touch’ her. –Man 1

The Conversation continued after the Female spent a night of being “hurt”

Sex date Friday at lunch? Your place.................can I eat it? –The Male
You don't even have to ask.............all yours. –The Female

Men Real Talk continued

Mr. Man 1: She will be crying soon. All hurt again.
Mr. Man 2: Like you said, I am in the clear!

Assembled by The Shadow.

The Ratio Consequence

*The Image (above): Random Dude up in a Vagina?*

I reluctantly went to a NYE's house party. Was tired and was afraid it would be a waste of my time. Thankfully, the party was fun. Friends, libation, and food. The makings of a good time. Oh! I forgot to mention plenty of women.

I am never the life of a party. What I typically do is eat and drink without socializing with unfamiliar folk. Don't need anymore friends, and to be very honest I am not that interested in meeting ANOTHER woman.

To the point:

We are at an age (late 30's) where getting a nut is not all that critical. Right? With this in mind, I went to the party with the expectation NOT to hook-up. This is my attitude all the time, by the way. I just want a 'lounge' environment. Unfortunately for me, living in Atlanta has proven that getting some azz just happens even when you don't care to bang. It is almost a guarantee! A guarantee that I wish on many occasions had better odds of being a ‘surprise upset’.

The Scenario:

Girl I met a year ago and have seen maybe three other times is at the party. She tight. Has all the trimmings: smart, body, beauty, and money. You know, the typical in Atlanta; and in most urban cities throughout the United States considering that too many black men are in prison, on their way to prison, at the cemetery, liking men, or so fed-up with black women that he got himself a Jack Johnson arm piece.

She has always flirted. I flirt back. She knows everything about my 'love life'. Knows it all. No lies/No secrets. Don’t have to hide anything in The A. Keep ya wedding band on, Niggas! Party is dying down. Girl goes next door to her friend's house to go to sleep. I decide to stay the night. Too liquored-up to drive. I go over to the girl's friend house to park my head on the sofa. Definitely my innocent intention. I called out for the girl. She answers. I enter the room where she plans 'to sleep'. She is in the bed naked. She made sure that I noticed that! She summons, “Just lay with me for a few.” I oblige. She says, "You men have it so easy. You leave a party. Find me in a bed. And, now, you are about to get some. Black women got it tough out here while you brothas just get p*ssy so easily. Please f*ck me good."

Sometimes I just want to stay home to avoid the plethora of azz. Grown azz man hiding from p*ssy.

The Reality as told by The Shadow:

In the A can be ridiculously easy. It is a non-challenge. The women are fine, intelligent, some wealthy - but psychologically jacked-up as a result of The Ratio. All this leaving America's FADING Mecca with a tough reality: Not a good place to find a wife or husband. Unless the brotha is willing to pull layer after layer back from the complex and bruised soul of America’s black women. Unless the sista is desperate enough to hang on while Mr. Man plays - and plays in the cheap Candy Store.

Well, well, well.

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

To Cheat God, my Wife, and Myself

I have been married for 8 years. The first seven years were remarkable. I went into my marriage believing it would be a difficult adjustment for me. After being single for so long I was afraid that I would have a hard time adapting to sharing and compromising. I must admit that it has not been that tough. I attribute this to my wife. She has been my rock. My confidant. That special friend we all have needed or will need one day. It is her that’s made this new status blissful. But, like all good runs there are steep hills that can stop the best man/woman in his/her tracks.

For the past year my wife and I have NOT HAD SEX. It was not until the six month that I started to believe that we could be heading in the wrong direction. Going without sex for half a year after getting it at least 2-3 times a week for eight years has disrupted the flow of our marriage. Sex is certainly not everything – but it has been a part of our foundation.

We have used sex to procreate, for fun, for the good sensory feeling it brings, and to eliminate stress. Both of our children are older, and do not require the task that typically get in the way of a pleasing sexual experience. My wife claims she is “temporarily unmotivated”. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Baby, I am just going through something. I will be back to normal soon.” She has assured me that she does not have a health or psychological issue. So, what could be the problem?

I have not gained any weight. I am still “fine”. She tells me this every other day – but she ain’t following the compliments up with giving me the azz. At this point, I am extremely frustrated. I have prayed about this. Still no answer. Being that I am a saved man (a deacon in the church); I must say that I am spiritually conflicted too.

My flesh constantly pulls me toward satisfying that sexually urge and need. My mind tells me that cheating is not the answer. However, I feel CHEATED by my wife. Here I am, a dynamic father, great husband, and a devoted Christian – but I am currently in a predicament where my options are: go out and get some booty or wait this out with my wife. For another freaking year?!
To be quite frank, I have been more than patient. It has been a damn year without sex from my friend and lover. And, even more critical for me is I am pissed off at my wife for putting me in this complex spot: On the verge of breaking my commitment to God. This one factor angers me the most because I am at this crossroad of dishonoring my Lord. Ultimately, it will be God who I betray. The vows. The sanity of our union is at stake because my wife woke-up one morning, and decided she was tired of having sex. She has that right, of course. Nonetheless, we have a duty to please each other in the ways that we established prior to marriage and during our marriage.

She is not holding up her end of the deal, and if she does not deal appropriately I am going to end up Cheating God, my wife, and myself. No one wins under these circumstances. No one!

What shall I do?

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

The Purpose

On too many occasions the black man’s voice has been stifled by ‘the system’ that he has invested his faith, time, and trust. This act of non-inclusion and rejection single-handedly leads to pervasive frustration and all sorts of complexities that will and have contributed to the Plight of the Black Man. Included in this conflict is his ongoing attempts to be a ‘good man’. A decent man for his wife/girl, children, and community.

Some believe living in America is an easy task if only you are motivated to attain the American Dream. However, the black man has found the attainment to be somewhat littered with conflict: Downs.

One ‘down’ that’s typically prevalent in his daily life is his relationship with black women. Again, some believe the system I have referred to has been the culprit, the poison that has handicapped the black male-female relationship dynamic.

On this blog The Shadow will address issues of the black man. He will regurgitate the varying – but poignant occurrences of black men in written form. All situations have been shared with The Shadow over the years. With the permission of the black man (who was brave enough to share his story), The Shadow will make an attempt to retell the life event without any spin whatsoever.

On this sacred place of literary disclosure, The Shadow asks all readers to provide feedback, state an opinion, and/or continue to be silent.

-The Shadow