Life Terminated and Forfeited

I saw a kid holding an unrecognizable sign from distance. As I got closer I became intrigued by the picture and wording. So, I stopped my vehicle. Initially, I exited to get a good look at the image. After discovering what was in my FACE - I snapped a picture with my life line, my BlackBerry. With prideful excitement the father of the young fella said, "Son, turn around so he can get a full view of the sign:

I have held onto "son" for a few days. I have held onto the scene: a father and son vehemently campaigning against what the father believes is a moral atrocity, Abortion. I have held onto the astonishing power generated by the signs. So graphic! I have held onto to the statistics that the father spouted off AT me and other passer-bys as we wondered with amazement two blocks from politically red Georgia’s state capitol.

It would have been easy for me to blast the parents (wifey was with hubby) – but I stood there trying to redefine where I stand with abortion. Then suddenly, I was reminded of poor decision making. Decision making that's rooted in fear, embarrassment, regret, and an outright non-caring and disregard for life.

Life…isn’t it a choice?

We choose to live it...we choose to destroy it. Even the omnipresent character of the bible, God, requested that life be destroyed.

According, to Senator Rick Santorum – with his Christian zealously pro-life disposition believes that

When horrific incidents occur like this (link below) the black community may want to talk about abortion as a ‘choice conversation’ piece instead of taking issue with the Senator.
http://www.freep.com/article/20110119/NEWS07/110119081/Pennsylvania-abortion-doctor-accused-of-killing-babies-with-scissors

One thing I have never understood:

Why is there a heavy emphasis on 'the choice' after the baby has been formed as a living being; and not when the baby is about to be conceived? Isn’t there a brief moment of reality when Penis is about to enter Vagina? Realities that produce: STD’s, Baby Momma/Baby Daddy drama, and unwanted pregnancy. Pregnancies that are terminated…because of that hidden, and now newly valued Choice.

Some choices require us to live life in reverse. We are constantly looking back and trying to terminate what we created. A bad marriage, a bad living environment, and a bad job are only a few of the bad situations that we crochet.

We ALL have to knit more responsibility so that our lives can be guided while in Drive. Including the man, woman, and children that were flanked on a downtown Atlanta side walk. They have to be accountable for the messages that they are boldly projecting.

If we don’t think before acting…sexually, we will continue to erase life, distort life, and/or high-jack the lives of God's creation:

*That guy looks like The Shadow…not me*

Isn't it interesting that our adherences to God’s so called commandments are forfeited when we have 'a choice'? We have to stop living our lives with the Idea of Choice – then the Seeking of Forgiveness later. If there were no Choice perhaps we would not make so many unwarranted mistakes. Within the Hebrew bible there are not many choices that the biblical characters have/had at their convenient disposal…thus the reason the Hebrew bible is not utilized as The Law.

Disclaimer:

This was written without judgment. This was written with guilt. This was written as an attempt to remove the taboo discussion status from abortion. Typically, abortion is one of several topics that the black community -with the pathetic encouragement of the black church- AVOIDS.

The Shadow

When a Broken Heart Destroys

When a man gets hurt, truly hurt - his heart broken he is no good for a LONG time. So, Ladies, do your homework. Try to find out if the man ya with heart has ever been sliced. Mine has.


Men don't bounce back from a broken heart with ease. I speak from personal experience and from knowing a few guys who have been burned. We are not well! Well enough to be the man you need us to be. Time has to past...Years! I am on that path. Took a long time to admit that I was heart broken – and it has been on the bend for more than 7 years. Yeah…I know! ‘That long.’ Yes, that long! Some men have problems accepting that pain. It signals our weakness. We try to avoid revealing our weaknesses...as a result of growing up male: “Men ain’t supposed to cry!” By the way, one of the worst mistakes we can make as parents is when we forcefully tell our boys: ‘Stop crying. Be a man.’

I have accepted where I was and where I am at: Broken. Lame. The healing process is a hell - and no one should have to go through that pain with someone when the hurt person is dragging the mate down. The misery loves the company.

Don’t be that distraught man’s walking mat, Ladies. And, Hurt Men, be upfront about your emotional positioning. If she is still willing to be with you – deal with you – have sex with you; warn her again. And, when that involvement goes to hell – it will – re-reconsider stepping into another relationship as you are: Beat-up.

Truthfully, Brotha, you may want to try being alone. It is a good place to be if you are at least half way comfortable with yourself. Yeah, I know – you still have sexual needs. Masturbation, celibacy, safe sex with a prostitute (as safe as that can be) sure beats the drama that will evolve from your broken status. I, The Shadow, have been in this sickening drama one too many times. My unwillingness to be alone has destroyed so many pleasant unions!

In the end, fellas, you lose a female friend - and you add to the burning that so many women have to endure.

The Final Consequence:

Relationships Are Forever Strained

The Shadow

Close to the Edge

A few days ago I witnessed a brotha do everything he could not to implode. He took deep breaths. He appeared to ask the Lord for strength as he looked up at the ceiling...but he lost the battle. Yeah, the Battle is Not Yours: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXbV1axOxZ8. Really? Who owns the battle? Jesus? Well, Jesus did not show up for this brotha. He snapped! Guess his brief prayer did not work. Did he not pray long enough or was he supposed to be on his knees?


The irate woman accompanying the King pushed and pushed...until God’s child could not handle the pressure/stress/disrespect any longer!

There are countless brothas in prison because of the inability to maintain control (it can be tough...I know first hand) - and because the angry female would not ease up. Because the female would not back the hell off!

It was like she wanted him to violently shake her and forcefully mush her...like he did. I do not condone violence as a resort in most cases. I do however expect people not to relentlessly agitate with the sole expectation to push someone over the edge.

The brotha tried...and cried. I saw him pleading with himself and his Queen. No luck with his sincere prayer request. He ended up in the back of a police car handcuffed. I later watched the car ride away with him inside his temporary confinement until he reaches lock up. Wonder if he will be offered a bible to read while he there? That's the typical prescription drug for black people.

All she had to do was ease up after he said, "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I should not have spent the money. I will get it back. Please forgive me."

No dice - another brotha in the system. That could have been prevented!

The inability to monitor and limit anxiety is prevalent within the black community. It is a sickness. Black men and women appear to be so much at odds that they cannot help each other navigate within this stressful world. In essence, they cannot save each other from the shit this world slings their way. Thus creating an environment of tension and constant strife.

It was not a surprise that when I did my research years ago on anxiety that I did not find a reasonable amount of information that connects anxiety to cultural realities. I was also not surprised to discover while chatting with several African Americans about depression and anxiety disorders that they did not value healthy mental health. Actually, I have been aware of this for years. My introduction came when I was a child.

When I was a kid, the neighbors next door had it out every Friday. It was a Friday Night Fight after Friday Night Fish Fry every Friday. By the way, Friday Fish eating is not a ‘black thing’. It is a Catholic tradition. All these years…and I thought it was a Black tradition. http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Roman-Catholic-Tradition-of-Eating-Fish-on-Fridays  

Since we are sick we need to do something about it. I suggest therapy, counseling, anti-anxiety medication, yoga, exercise (walking does wonders), meditating (not praying), and positive affirmations (not calling on some imaginary holy ghost).

For those of you, who are against taking medication, please consider that there may be a chemical imbalance.

has saved many lives. With that, I live a life of transparency in an effort to save my life and many more lives! In my transparency: I am unashamedly medicated.

It is effective…I don't have to say to the one nagging me any longer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFwvl6z2J4I

The Shadow

Mismatch

I have made the mistake of putting on two different socks before. One brown and the other black. A mismatch. I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me. Not knowing was fine. I was still complete. Together...in my mind.


Searching for wholeness is top priority for us. Well, it should be. We vainly and with insecurity seek to complete ourselves in various forms. Taking on a plethora of devices, gadgets, additions, removals, and human resources e.g. a man or a woman to make us feel some sense of finality.

In my observations lately I have noticed that numerous black females are attempting to complete themselves with what appears to be a non-match. A mismatch. With a man that's not their first choice...but he is good enough. He will do. At least until the man that makes her tingle comes along!

This time around in the world of relationship, however, the men are not the 1990’s rough around the edges type of guys. They are not the bad boys. Bad boys use to get all the trim! And, Mr. Nice Guy got the leftovers.

They are the men who finish last in looks and in some cases in personality. Some have beer bellies, and others just don't cut it when you take a glance at the accompanying female. She is stunning. Beautiful. Fine. Sexy...but she's with what many would characterize as a busta. A putts. A cornball. You know, those guys who no one played with in grade school…

This dynamic was inevitable. Black women are willing to give the not so popular man - the dud - a chance considering what the media feeds us e.g. black men are a dying breed and considering the handsome and overly popular man is capitalizing off his ability to date and bang several women all at once. He, the latter, is uninterested in presenting an opportunity to help young women identify and secure completeness. That's too much work! He is comfortable knowing that his attractiveness will win out. Get him the booty! Heck, it worked in the past, why not now?

The exterior is the primary motivator for us initially. Those who say otherwise is lying! Perhaps, this fact is changing. Perhaps, black women are sick and tired of dealing with Mr. Fine. Perhaps, Busta is finally getting a piece of the pie. He has waited long enough! It is his time. So, forget about Mr. Light Skin coming back. Forget about Mr. Tall, Dark, Bald, and Handsome staying on top. Busta is getting the super fine women these days. They made the right moves, or should I say that they did not move? They waited. Waited for that moment when black women got truly feed up with what Mr. Popular brings to the table or doesn’t bring to the table. Busta is smart - and he was the life of the party this weekend while I (tall, dark, handsome, and unwilling to commit) sat on the perimeter all alone! Good thing I am enjoying my time without having to work at maintaining a relationship. I don’t have the energy!

The Shadow

The Art of Masturbation

There are several advantages to masturbation. And, to know that some holy-rollers believe it to be “sinful” is just unfathomable. They actually justify the sinfulness via biblical scripture e.g. Onanism. What are we going to do with the bible - and the Qur’an? Unbelievable!


Years ago I felt stupid after I pleasured myself. Not sure why I felt like a dude who was so pathetic that he had to masturbate. I guess at the time I believed that I should not have to jerk off. It was a logical thought. I was vibrantly young with a young man's body. My six pack was easier to identify. I had less gray hair. I definitely had more energy. One and done was not a part of my sex repertoire. Well hold up, it depended on my level of attraction to the young lady. And, I was a tidbit more outgoing. Less conservative.

Now, masturbation is somewhat of a saving grace. When I am done I don't have to worry about what the conversation should be like the next day. Should I call or should I wait? What should I say? Should I ask her out?

I remember my first same night hook-up - that later flourished into a meaningful relationship - by the way. The young lady must have known that I was calling just to 'acknowledge' her. Courtesy call. During the brief conversation she said, "Brian, I am a big girl. I didn’t need for you to call me. We had sex and I enjoyed it. I will talk to you later. I have a lot to do today." The relief I felt! The weight was lifted.

With my weekly pleasures of self I don't have to worry about the emotions that come with a sexual encounter. The God-awful emotions, in my experience, that starts with the female. These are the emotions that I am convinced stem from two places: feelings of unworthiness and societal pressure. Society whether we want to believe it or not still has a psychological hold on women when it comes to them giving it up. She is expected to be at love's footstep, in love, commitment ready, or at the least considering boyfriend/girlfriend status.

The thoughts of non-appreciation (unworthy) are natural especially if the female values her sex. Her vagina. However, I am prepared to say that this too is an uncalled for thought. A psychological impediment. I am certainly not implying that women should not place a value on sexual activity. Nope!

What I am trying to convey is that the woman’s sex should not be some illusive commodity that loses its sparkle just because it is given up. This thinking leads to wasteful disappointment that then leads to senseless drama e.g. keying of cars, public outburst, name calling (dog), and lost friendships.

The ridiculous fallout can be prevented for men with some good lotion and a willingness to fight the temptation to conquer. That’s what it is all about for men. Conquering. Devouring the prey (women). Once a man starts having sex it becomes so lamely routine that he has to make the act about something more than getting some. He brutishly creates an atmosphere that usually only exist in his mind to compete with himself. To validate his manhood. The orgasm is secondary to a large degree. It is a tingling byproduct of the need to feel like a Man. And, unfortunately too many men attach manhood to sexual activity. Think about all these men who pop Viagra in an effort to be a stud in bed…?

We learn early to “hit as much ass as you can”.

But, if we were smart or when we get a little smarter we (men) learn to master The Art of Masturbation. The art is not in the motion, the stroke. It is in defeating that urge to be the Man we were told that we have to be.

Wish I would have learned this sooner…the foolishness that could have been prevented. Damn it!

The Shadow