Dear Women,

Every woman I have dated, been involved with as boyfriend, or even if we were 'kicking it' for more than a one night stand has been 'wife material'. I am so thankful I have not had many one nighters. The few I did have were extremely awkward. Yuck!

Simply put: I have been….(should I use the word blessed here?) Okay…simply put: I have had several Good Women to put up with my volatile moodiness and stiff quirkiness! The seldom used adjectives used to describe a Good Woman should be and can be applied to these women.

This is not a remarkable truth. It is somewhat characteristic of most men's relationship situations with women. Well, that's if the men are able to identify with the goodness. It is there. It is present. It is underneath the layers of pain men have more than likely caused.

I thought last week:

"Wow! Most of the women I have interfaced with have been at their core more worthy than I. When all the covers are pulled back, I was not worthy of the love, care, and constant attention that they displayed and genuinely gave to me. From T to W, from A to M, from P to S, from C to E, from D to K, from F to Y, from J to R - my selections (expressing humility now) have been extremely top self (the letters represent the first initial of some of the women)."

Again, I was not worthy!

I am so thankful I am able to express that to YOU (all of you are BCC'ed). That in itself is a true testament of your character: After the heartache (more for some and less for others) I may have caused you are still connected to me even if it is only with an email address.

Turning 40 should not be this transformative. Lord…I can honestly admit that YOU have helped me SEE myself!

The Shadow

Black Women and Their Hair (Not again)

What you are about to read is a response I posted on a friend's FB page after he expressed himself on the topic:

Black Women and Their Hair

Hair....black women???? Would rather maintain a nice 'do' instead of allowing a little rain to cool overheated skin from sun exposure - and will break their necks trying to get out of the rain. Would rather gain 15 pounds a year than workout: "The sweat will mess-up my hair."

The Shadow dated a woman who went natural so that she could workout with him. Her exact words, "While you are at the gym some working out sista may get your attention. Please help me find a barber!" Another woman The Shadow dated said, "We can have sex tonight - but it can't be like last time. Last night. I sweated too much, and my hair fell."

The Shadow was with the first mentioned woman longer...even though he had not hit it yet. The Shadow got rid of the second mentioned woman even though she was giving it up regularly!

http://www.miamiherald.com/multimedia/news/afrolatin/part2/index.html

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xdiqjy_nbc-today-show-why-are-women-obsess_news

The Shadow

Don't Call Me

People only do what they deem is important to them. The excuses for not doing something are shallow covers of their consciousness ignoring what they have regulated to 'the forgotten or the not enough time'. When you, the person waiting on that something to be done, begin to SEE the person via their non-action the better off you will be.

Women, when a man tells you he is going to do this, do that - and you find yourself waiting...and still wanting - you are the fool. The idiot. Don't re-make him into the liar that your consciousness knew he was before you ended up in emotional limbo. Please don't become a victim as a result of your stupidity or your foolish patience.

A man typically plays his hand early. Go with that play.

Stop wasting you time...Move on!

"A man giving women advice has never been impactful which means the advice goes unheard; never utilized.” –Unknown

No wonder women always end-up crying, sulking for days, and ultimately subconsciously hating men.

Sorry, Ladies, don't call me with your self-induced Job 10:15 (Woe is Me) plagued stories. Big Play-Play Brother ain't trying to listen. Call ya girlfriend that allowed you to make a b-hole out of yourself...

I just might take advantage of you in your fake-azz vulnerability...

Don't call me!

The Shadow

The Difference

White women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Hang out.

Casually get to know the man while hooking up. It is all about having fun. A good time. No stress.

Sex is pretty much a guarantee. I list this with assurance because I have the acquired understanding that many white girls are of the belief that sex is not a prerequisite to a relationship. Not that I believe that white women are sluts! Floozies come in all forms. Including in male.

Black women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Marriage material or not.

Child or Children.

Then the Dating begins. Note I used the word 'dating'. For some reason, it has to be more formal than hanging out. Which in my experience brings an uneasy level of intensity to the mix. Makes it more important than what it is at the time. Which is laughable to me considering men are thinking along the lines of hittin it without feelings attached while the female is preparing to change the brotha so she can keep him – and/or save the brotha with help from Christ? Save him from what, by the way? Note also that the thoughts of the 'essentials' e.g. marriage and children are pre-dating.

Sex is the cement seal. It locks the brotha in. He has a girlfriend now! It becomes ridiculously serious like sex is not a natural animalistic act that humans physically want/need. Sex in many cases is some how used to legitimize the 'situation' which is a complete turn off for countless men: ‘Dang, I just banged it out. Nothing more!’ For the record, my white homie from Texas said that white women lock him down after he slangs it too!

As The Shadow thinks about this, he is certainly aware that his thoughts are experience based - and may not be the norm. A possible huge generalization on both ends of the spectrum for black and white women. However (However not used to negate The Shadow’s previous sentence), as The Shadow talk with men and women (mostly black and white of each gender) he is noticing a trend.

The Difference:

There is such a sense of black female urgency along the lines of relationships and dating in the black community. As if the white meat chicken sale is about to be over. As if the Frankie Beverly and Maze tickets are about to be sold out. As if the Mayfield ice cream is melting. As if it (whatever it is) is fading or dying faster than usual.

Just thinking.

Please validate or challenge my thoughts.

-The Shadow

Another Pity Party for Black Females

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/successful-black-woman-find-man/story?id=10213505

I actually thought about going. Then I was like: 'Not the same shyt.' I will pop a blood vessel up in there!

Again, there are black men for black women. Some "successful" black women have X-ed out many of black men who are every day guys.

Perhaps this is the reason why many of these women are alone: http://theshadowseries.blogspot.com/2010/03/medusa.html.

Medusa's are all over da place!

Black people discuss the most 'common' crap. It is always our tired azz issues. We gotta get it together.

There is so much to this life besides: relationships, race, and religion. Are we confined to the 3 R's?

Relationships: Come and Go.

Race: Will always be an issue.

Religion: A bunch of bull shit!

So much reason to expand/evolve!

Also, why in the h*ll would anyone listen to Steve Harvey's message on relationships? This man has been divorced 3 times...(do a fact check on that).

-The Shadow giving The People what they want and need (bout like the average preacher).