The Shadow Series

2012-01-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

I am Free

Without a doubt 2011 was by far one of the best years of my adult life; with it all beginning to be a year of cherished appreciation on February 25, 2011 at 5:30PM.

On that remarkable day I became a liberated man with the help of a strategic but ultimately a bureaucratic decision made by the Corporation for National and Community Service. Goodwill of North Georgia’s federal grant application with CNCS for an additional three years of AmeriCorps representation and service was denied at the beginning of Black History Month.

That decision was believed by me at the time to be tragic. I panicked…I was afraid. So many thoughts filled my brain: ‘What am I going to do about health insurance…How I will afford to pay the pre-school tuition?’ Ultimately, the business decision led to my termination of employment with Goodwill of North Georgia. I was not fired…just let go. That indicating to me that the magnificent AmeriCorps program and members that I managed were essentially no longer needed at Goodwill.

In Goodwill’s and CNCS’s regretful retrospect, I am convinced that the service of these great men and women is missed and to some extent still desired. Nonetheless, my departure was choreographed to be quiet and without my words of respectful, but piercing protest. Admittingly, I was somewhat bitter, but not filled with unhealthy contempt.

Little did I know that Goodwill and the Corporation was helping me attain the most sought after status known to mankind:

FREE

The Freedom was initially rocky. Like a typical Living to Work American, it was difficult to accept that I was no longer mentally attached to a 9 to 5 or confined by a BlackBerry. I bounced from intense clinical depression to happiness and back to treatable and eventually conquered depression. The Freedom continued with me developing feelings of resentment. I resented the pieces of expensive paper that just this week made their way into a frame accented by colorful borders; eventually finding a home on my freshly painted walls…My undergraduate and seminary degrees. The Freedom found its way to my pessimistic philosophical disposition. Then suddenly I woke-up one morning prepared to acknowledge that this turbulent boat ride had to come to an end; I made my way back to land.

On that peace-filled day in October I thought about the now minor blip in my journey…my storm. It was over. The waters became still. And, to this very day I am happy…I am a purchaser and an owner of Simplicity.

After all these years I have secured what so many die chasing. Yes, I am broke. Yes, I am barely making it each month. Yes, I have had to dig deep for more humility. Yes, I have borrowed money. Yes, my credit score has taken an irreparable hit. Yes, I have accepted handouts. Yes, I have participated in lawful activity that many may tag as immoral so that I could provide for not myself – but for my Mordecai and Emani. Yes, I am on Shore!

Most importantly, I have Arrived. I am ready to live…already living – and good, by the way. I am in an emotional state that welcomes death. That’s a wonderful place…feeling. To know that my living has not been in vain and to know that life should be what we fight not to accept or be, Simple.

I thank all the kindhearted men and women who have been in the dark corner with me this year…even when I did everything in my power to isolate myself from you, your help, and your well-wishes you remained resolute…determined to bring me out of my disgusting self-pity.

I am Free, and I intend on NEVER becoming imprisoned again. If this means that I have to empty trash, clean pools, rake and bag leaves, pull debris out of gutters, move furniture, walk dogs, wash cars, house-sit, pressure wash steps, disinfect filthy apartments, serve as a taxi driver, donate a seed of life for rewarding compensation, write papers and complete academic assignments for friends, sale and/or pawn all the immaterial items remaining in my home, day labor with men who want what every human being deserves, Dignity

Or never again officially use my treasured symbols of higher learning achievement…I will.

Believe it or not, my happiness is no longer connected to Uncle Sam’s superficial perquisites for contentment.

I am Free…

The Shadow

Bustling Indian Business

2011-11-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

Saturday was a beautiful day. I fulfilled a few obligations, I spent some quality time with my youngest, Jesse the dog nicely nagged me, I had tacos for dinner and I decided to take a leisurely walk with Jesse the dog and Bryce the toddler. Will never do that again considering Jesse the dog drags me and Bryce has to be the Big Boy,

Thankfully, I live in an area where sidewalks are in abundance…unlike in the urban Black and Latino communities. There the sidewalks are simply that dirt paths on the side of the street. Unfortunately, in an effort to not get shoes caked with Georgia red clay mud the walkers and Marta bus riders cross streets that are not accompanied by designated crosswalks; therefore leaving women, men and children human targets for super-speeders and serial,

Sometimes my neighborhood can be mistaken for a bustling village in northern India. Men and women with those red ink dots roam. Women appear to be sexually dissatisfied…never smiling like most of the African American women I see daily. Men are irregular formations of men. They are weak, but crafty. The men are scammers...much like Negro preachers that do not preach a theology of

LIBERATION

While walking Jesse the dog she decided to do a #2 on the lawn of the Indian Muslim mosque. I was so embarrassed as families passed - but to be completely honest I had a small chuckle. Not that I was hooraying for disrespecting Allah...nope not the case. It was my way of getting some retribution. These Indians are a pain in my behind...but I adore my museum, my place of peace. My home. So I ain't moving!

Moving is what the Patel shopping plaza was doing. Moving! It was popping with activity like it was the day before Jesus' so called birthday. He was not born in December, damn it! Speaking of Jesus...he was cleverly made a white man then later killed by Jews. However, the Indians have a living white man that they keep rich,

Prince Karīm al-Hussainī, Aga Khan Ismaili

Black Christians are not the only religious zealots hooked on - and equating Jesus to the God Almighty.

Moving on...like my Indian neighbors will after they exhaust all the United States government’s entitlements.

The Indians have a contained community. They grocery shop at their stores. They purchase jewelry at their blood diamond shops. They eat Chinese food that has a hint of Indian curry at their low sanitation grade restaurants. They purchase cheap knockoffs from Taiwan in stores that are definitely not regulated by the FDA or the better business bureau. They lay-a-way mattresses that are destined to be the home of countless bedbugs.

The Indians have everything they need within a one radius. Including a liquor store. It is owned by a 4ft Jewish man who claims his heart bleeds for Israel...just like most hearts of American presidents. By the way, the US government gives more money to Israel than all African countries combined. Money of guilt still given to Jews while Africans continue to perish,

What I cannot escape as I sit here typing away is one question: Why are America’s main streets sinking...dying a slow economic death while mostly illegal alien villages all across America’s landscape are Bustling with Commerce…Bustling with Immigrant Business?

President Barack Obama says that he wants to see Middle America’s abandoned storefronts back open. He has also indicated that he is concerned about the inactivity in/at urban America’s shopping plazas and hubs of tender exchange. Essentially, President Obama not only is expressing his preoccupation with the turtle movement of economic recovery, slow pace of gains in jobs, and the virtually void business development and business revitalization – he appears to have accepted that he and his fellow democrat cronies are impotent.

I can literally drive 20 miles from my culturally ethnic community - and stumble upon abandon shopping centers that were once filled with American owned businesses. Large and small. No bustle! Nothing but vacant lots where homeless men sleep and kids hangout aimlessly Lost.

America is just that,

The American people are dying a slow and painful financial death while Patel-like communities are off the chain with cash being passed from one Indian hand to another.

America is what it professed to be, a Melting Pot. With great sadness this country is melting with opportunity for men and women who have plans to take advantage of the American system. Ultimately, they will head back to their homeland filthy (like most of the Indian homes I have entered) RICH and ecstatic that their daughters did not date, have sex, or get pregnant by,

That fact in of itself, leaves me with one final question:

Why did the American white man allow this to happen?

The Shadow

Love Lost in My Translation

2011-10-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

I have had the privilege to meet some dynamic people. Many of them –the females- have become platonic friends, lovers, companions, and/or solidified girlfriends. The girlfriends, all of them, have been top self…the best of the best…dime pieces in every way that I have determined is top dime material e.g. intelligence, compassion, beauty, and maternal quality. I am so thankful for the time spent in their presence…in their intellectual and emotional space.

As life dictates, not all of the relationships ended on good terms – but I am certain that all of my ex-girlfriends will agree that we had a blast for the majority of our involvement. That truth makes me wonder why I am not still with one of the ladies…married…shacked-up…bouncing from her home to my home. Makes me wonder why one young lady that I met approximately 4 years ago did not give me an opportunity to be her Man...just kidding…I know why – and you may find that the reason why: Gay. Makes me also wonder why one additional young lady I met approximately 6 years ago did not give me the opportunity to be her Man…just kidding…I know why.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RTBTXYTDAs

Wildflower 1, what a damn beauty! She is athletic (works out). She asks provocative questions that challenge men and women to elevate and evaluate their romantic relationships. She from what I can gather has a good relationship with her mother (that is critical for me). Her teeth are the white of white. She is an owner of a business. Her sarcasm does not irritate it pulls you in. She can pour a stiff one and mix a fruity one. She appears to have it all together. Tight she be! She is gorgeous…face…body…and mind! She is my perfection. But I am not her perfection. She gave me a pass because she was not interested in dealing with my fatherhood complexity: Baby Daddy with two children. I respect that…by the way; she specializes in what the photograph (above) invokes.

Wildflower 2, what a damn beauty! She is inquisitive. She sports a natural head of hair. She has the most welcoming smile and demeanor. He skin tone is shiny with elements of healthy glitter. Her sexiness is toxic and I am certain addictive. Her thinking capacity is vast. She is extremely professional, but still ‘workplace warm’. She is slow to anger. Her lips are so moist and full of…NO…full with pleasure. She has a personal story of childhood intricacy that was triumphed by her tenacity to attain success. I am beyond attracted to her…our minds, lust, and similar hopes for humanity are the only fireworks we need…but I am convinced our exclusive lovemaking activity would be/would have been overwhelmingly remarkable. She is my perfection. But I am not her perfection. She gave me a pass because I am not her type. She is openly Gay, and in love with a WOMAN. I respect that…by the way; she could be my Jill Scott…

These are the breaks…my BREAKS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZDUEilS5M4&feature=related

One missed opportunity because of my irresponsible behavior (making babies with two women without marriage as a final outcome).

One missed opportunity because I am not female...If I were female I would have been with her???

Life goes on…including when love gets Lost in your Translation.

The Shadow

This Man is the Politician he SAID he Would not Become

2011-09-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

Approximately, two years ago President Obama praised Libya and the Libyan leader, Muammar Gaddafi for agreeing to make his country weaker militarily. This week President Obama during a United Nations sermon referred to a Muammar Gaddafi as a tyrant. Was not Gaddafi a tyrant two years ago? Did he suddenly change? Or, was Muammar ever a tyrant? Which is it?

This week in New York at the United Nations’ Summit during another sermon President Obama changed his tune…No! He turned his back on the Palestinian push for statehood when in fact President Obama ONE year ago supported a Palestinian state. Now, like most Western countries he is kissing the Jews azzes. He actually allowed Benjamin Netanyahu to scold him in the White House…in front of cameras! Now, he somewhat indirectly backs Israel’s oppression, occupation, and massacre of Palestinians.

A year and half ago President Obama met with Hosni Mubarak to talk about Egypt and to praise Egypt for their efforts to eradicate terrorism in the Middle East. When the most recent civil unrest began in Egypt, President Obama turned his back on Mubarak…he supported the demands for Mubarak to step down immediately. That traitorous move in fact has weakened the stability of Egypt and made Egypt more vulnerable for anti-United States government rebels to infiltrate Egypt.

No...GW Bush was not this wobbly

When it comes to foreign affairs President Obama is no different than most United States of America presidents. He and the others before him have instituted hypocrisy as a legislation. As a conniving process to gain support for higher poll ratings and additional support for re-election.

In all of this political cowardice and jelly-back maneuvering, I am convinced President Obama is NOT living up to his promise to lead this nation differently. He specifically said, “The people want change in government, and I plan to institute that change with your vote.” President Obama is a liar. He is a charlatan. And, sadly, he is no different than the men before him. He has put himself in this flippant position after saying, “I do not plan to allow Washington to change me. I will not become Washington.”

?????

Sorry, he is impotent…weak…ball-less…but yet, MOST black Americans will not call him out. That is even more spineless! They will not say a damn word against him or in constructive criticism about him. No…these Negroes support him like they continue to support TD Jakes, Eddie Long, Creflo Dollar, and all the others who make them feel good in the moment. If I knew I would get maximum monetary support for emotionally stirring sermons I would have used my seminary degree to become a preacher, and not teach…teach a different brand of the oppressor’s religion.

President Obama will address/stage all types of social issues/platforms via his position:

*The Beer Summit

*Major speech to address race relations in the United States of America

*Pushed for the reverse of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

*Regularly mentions professional sports

*Discusses family and fatherhood

*Expresses concern about the USA's public school system

But- refused to say a word about the Troy Davis case. No, I did not expect him to defy the federal and state courts. I did not expect him to support a convicted cop killed…killer in the minds of a jury of his peers. I just thought he would go into preacher mode…to help ease the tensions that the case produced ALL over the world. Nope we got http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9peZ5WOtL0 – This is what black churchgoers will get Sunday too...a repeat of the same sound (sermon)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9peZ5WOtL0

The Shadow

I am a Black Man...My Weekend was my Reminder

2011-06-13T13:36:00.000-07:00

Extremely interesting weekend...frustrating too. I lost my cool. Usually, I am able to ignore pathetic ignorance, shocking stupidity, overbearing arrogance, and ridiculous stereotypical assumptions.

But, I had enough when a white woman immediately reached for her purse when I approached the area where she was seated. I was simply looking out a window at Panera Bread searching for my brunch date. She was late! Interestingly, the white female did not secure her purse when a male yuppie stepped near her. He obviously was looking and waiting for his date too. I discovered that when he began to get excited like a little girl who was preparing for her first date when his partner arrived. Their embrace was one that I soon had with my female companion…I must say that the expression of male on male love witnessed appeared to be genuine. Completely different from my next brush with insult.

Like I typically do on Saturday morning, I was headed for a walk. On my right was an elderly Indian woman. As I approached at a good distance from her to my left, the frail woman remarkably became a race walker. She darted for her belongings which were sitting on the side walk directly in path. Initially, I was thrown-off by her sudden JR talent.

John Riggins

Then I got a clue…she apparently wanted to secure her Bag Lady bags. As if I wanted some roach invested clothing hampers. I stopped…looked at her as she hovered over her cheap belongings then I exclaimed, “Look lady. I don’t care about your damn bags. You have not one item I want. And, you and your light skin people best stop treating me like an Untouchable. Like a Dalit. Get a damn clue.”

*Indian governments have been violently brutal to the darker people of their culture.

Sticking together is usually the last alternative for African Americans and Africans. Over the years, I have found it difficult to detect collective unity among black people like I have witnessed in the Toco Hills area of Decatur, Georgia. There the Jewish population is abundantly predominant – and their power is quite persuasive. Well, it has been with the Kroger Company. A few weeks ago, a coalition of Jewish men and women who happen to be Kroger customers lobbied and pressured the Kroger corporate office and store manager at the Toco Hill’s location to stop running an audio announcement that was repeatedly played in the store. The brief pork sale commercial was history within four days. Sadly - the slave, 1960’s discrimination, and Jim Crow historical accounts have plagued black people so much that we have issues with greeting each other. I was being friendly –I usually wear my goofy elation on my shoulder and my joy is always accompanied by a bleached teeth smile- unfortunately my happy ‘Hello’ was not received by the beautiful black female that I held a door for and spoke to Sunday morning: “Hello. How are you? What a pretty day!” She glared at me and snipingly asked, “Dang, why are you so happy?” No, thank you. No salutation in return. But, she was dressed for church…Typical Black Female Christian in Atlanta: Mad, High & Mighty, and Single.

Speaking of ‘typical’, I decided to go down to the pool that I clean every other day.

Surprisingly, the pool was full of children. It was melting pot of kids. African Americans, Caucasians, Latinos, and Indians. The parents were either in the pool or sitting in the lounge chairs…except for a couple Indian moms. These two precipitously petrified mommas were in my chlorinated water fully clothed. How many times do I have to tell them, “No street clothes permitted in pool”? Damn! I did not say a word. They did not give me a chance to. They hurried their children out of the pool as I entered the pool that I maintain! A mass exodus…because a black man got in the pool. The white momma stayed. She’s intrigued by my big feet…

*Indians need to understand they are three steps from Negroid.

Lastly, another lily – and significantly overweight white female offended me. I was definitely in line. Yes I was! Or, I became invisible. She looked right through me as if I were a non-human. As if I did not matter. I was of no consequence to her. A void. As if I were an

Understanding that I am Somebody…what hurt me the most was the way my church-going sista ignored me with obvious contempt. As if I were a

*A black person or nigger who looks particularly sneaky.

And, believe me all my weekend run-ins were terribly unsettlingly.Thankfully, I was finally treated like a Black Man by a loving Black Woman who looks like this Beauty:

Kelis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8D9xCBcfzw

The Shadow

2011-06-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

Mothers Raise Daughters and Love Sons

After all these years I am convinced that this statement is true.

Mothers are forever raising their girls to be good girls. We know what comes with that: appropriate mannerism, comforting tendencies, unrelenting compassion, respectful language, and longwinded patience. Someone (a female) is probably thinking, ‘That’s the way I was raised…but I do not see that type of rearing today.’

To be honest, I rarely interface with teen and 20-something females with the above personality traits. I guess I hang out at the wrong coffee shops, the wrong Target, the wrong grocery store, and/or the wrong bookstore. And, I know for a fact that they are not at the mega churches.

What I see regularly are wandering spirits. Unsecure and insecure souls! I see neglected-daddy girls searching for a place within their womanhood. Unfortunately, in the search they often times latch onto the likes of women who display their natural femminity via their superficial sexuality.

Why? Because mommas have failed to love Avis, Beverly, Chantel, and/or Danielle. Really love them like they love Anthony, Bobby, Chad, and/or Doug.
In the complex effort to assure they grow-up to be respectable women, moms neglect to create an adoring relationship with daughter.

Why? Because momma was told by her mother and grandmother that, ‘You have to be a lady. You better not get pregnant, you better keep your legs closed and you better not have sex!’

Certainly, there is nothing out of order with keeping the legs crossed to prevent causal sexual intercourse and pre-marital pregnancies. But, where was/is the LOVE in mama’s mandate? Why was/is there an unloving and threatening demand that typically results in momma-daughter contention?
Could it be because momma regarded her girl as an ‘item’ to prepare, repair or fix most likely for a rottenly loved boy; not a well-balanced man?

When we prepare/fix something we don’t think to love what needs repairing. We just focus on the fixing. The repairing. After the item is in working condition we leave it…we leave it in place until we are ready to use the item again.

There is no LOVE in what we believe to be in need of FIXING.

We need to stop raising our daughters to be someone’s Utility of Perfection.

We need to love on our girls like we love on our boys. However, in this love that’s desperately needed it is my hope and prayer that we do not implement what we have with our boys, Coddling.

Let’s eradicate the raising of Hope and the spoiling of

Kanyes

Let’s replace both -raising and spoiling- with Teaching and Nurturing, and Teach to be citizens of the world

C.D. Glin served in South Africa from 1997-1999 and currently, is the Director of the Office of Intergovernmental Affairs and Partnerships with the Peace Corps

and Nurture to be

The Shadow

Bitter but Sweet Growth

2011-02-22T11:08:00.000-08:00

Dear God's Beauty,

You made the best choice...I really hate to admit that. Hate is such a powerful word - but hate is necessary for some to experience so that he/she will feel how hate ends up as the reality of one's situation.

This predicament has produced two truths that I am somewhat happy about. Inconsequently, truth can be a painful reality. In our case, there are two realities that bring forth an emotionally complicated elation. Unfortunately, my Beauty, this reality is unwanted.

Reality Number One

You have proven to me - and I dance with jubilation because of the proof - that you are the type of woman I want. You are of upper echelon femininity. Like a fine cigar marinating in the fields of Honduras. You are a woman! The tenacity you project. The energy that you exude. Every inch of you – I am sure – is of top self quality. Your industry is fitting of you…that’s if you are only requested to provide the best – and you do that in every way possible. So enticing like a Gran Habano. So absorbing like Paruyr Sevak (40 year old Armenian cognac / $2,445 per bottle). You need no dilution:

Reality Number Two

I have proven to myself that I am changing without evading. Leaving the sad and pathetic bosom of narcissistic deceit. Damn - it has been too long on that pothole plagued road! I could have easily lied and lied with this: "No, Beautiful, the 2yr old's reservoir of life form and I do not experience any dramatics. It is all good! Furthermore, there are not any present concerns that will affect you and I in getting to know each other romantically." Without pride, I have used that line before…without the 2yr old part (he was not in my photo of evolution yet) - and I have desperately used it to get a pleasurable feeling...that in fact lasts no more than 8 seconds. All that hardship men cause for a brief tingle…that feeling is not worthy of ancestral respect. Look at your vintage past.

God’s Beauty, you could have easily ignored the possible soulfully draining trauma and allowed us to forge a relationship...as I would have passionately pushed, chased, and courted you! This time the erectness - standing at humble attention - would have been motivated by the desire to settle. Settle down, not sacrifice.

Consequently, in the end we would have began something that we could not have finished. Or, we would have been too emotionally spent and invested to gracefully end what we started (a friendship-leading-to-relationship). Yeah, it would have been done right this time. My lust for your treasure would have been tamed so that we could unleash in and with love at a much later date. I am that confident because I would have been close to perfection for you!

You have given me what I needed and deserved.

REJECTION

This time the affects of the rejection started out dark and gloomy - but as I sit/sat here in the Target’s Starbucks pressing these small BlackBerry icons so that I could share this honest expression, I noticed/I am noticing that the Sun is shining and beaming on my back.

PS. By any chance do you have any

The Shadow is appreciating YOU!

2011-02-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

Two Paths, Leaving Atlanta

Atlanta is the type of city that will make the Man or ruin the Man.

Path One

He can become so negatively engrossed with the 'sites' that a lost of focus and drive to be the best man he can be will quickly diminished.

The tempting eye candy is sexually enticing. The luscious targets are beautiful. Intelligent. Boldly aggressive. And, on too many occasions too easy. Too easy to exploit. Too easy to mislead. Too easy to rip off. Too easy to ‘pluck’. The plucking comes so regularly that it is no longer a conquering challenge for the King of the Jungle.

Atlanta is that jungle! The plucking can be slyly stolen from a municipal court judge, a customer service rep, a high-powered attorney, a Body Tap stripper, a bored homemaker, a corporate executive, or a Julia the nurse. Does not matter in The A. All of the 'pickings' are readily available! All the disguised Noble Wolf has to do is play the part. Pretend. Lie. Convince. Be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Ironically, the women prefer the

Path Two

He can evolve here. He can basically 'come into himself'. Most importantly, the persistent chasing, lawful stalking, and lustful preying will quickly become circular routine.

When this happens –typically unbeknownst to him- he moves towards a wholeness that really cannot be explained. It is an unusual mystery. Some refer to as maturation. Some say it is exhaustion. I just know that he settles. Settles down. Then he does everything within in his newly acquired power to avoid conflict with female, with job, and thankfully with his life. Additionally, at times he will purposely be elusive. He respectfully hides and literally runs from sexual encounters – preferring meaningful communication with the conservative woman

This is necessary to remain Anew. The lying stops. The bullshitting stops. He a man now! The Man has left Atlanta in mind. He has left The ATL without the overplayed hype that attracted him to the city: The Mecca, The 12-to-1 female to male ratio, and The Professional Opportunity. The latter is a misnomer…there are no jobs down here!

At the End of the Path

He becomes what God intended

A Man, and with that He becomes a Movement, a Force…He is Better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1mvXej61aU

The Shadow

Life Terminated and Forfeited

2011-02-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

I saw a kid holding an unrecognizable sign from distance. As I got closer I became intrigued by the picture and wording. So, I stopped my vehicle. Initially, I exited to get a good look at the image. After discovering what was in my FACE - I snapped a picture with my life line, my BlackBerry. With prideful excitement the father of the young fella said, "Son, turn around so he can get a full view of the sign:

I have held onto "son" for a few days. I have held onto the scene: a father and son vehemently campaigning against what the father believes is a moral atrocity, Abortion. I have held onto the astonishing power generated by the signs. So graphic! I have held onto to the statistics that the father spouted off AT me and other passer-bys as we wondered with amazement two blocks from politically red Georgia’s state capitol.

It would have been easy for me to blast the parents (wifey was with hubby) – but I stood there trying to redefine where I stand with abortion. Then suddenly, I was reminded of poor decision making. Decision making that's rooted in fear, embarrassment, regret, and an outright non-caring and disregard for life.

Life…isn’t it a choice?

We choose to live it...we choose to destroy it. Even the omnipresent character of the bible, God, requested that life be destroyed.

According, to Senator Rick Santorum – with his Christian zealously pro-life disposition believes that

When horrific incidents occur like this (link below) the black community may want to talk about abortion as a ‘choice conversation’ piece instead of taking issue with the Senator.
http://www.freep.com/article/20110119/NEWS07/110119081/Pennsylvania-abortion-doctor-accused-of-killing-babies-with-scissors

One thing I have never understood:

Why is there a heavy emphasis on 'the choice' after the baby has been formed as a living being; and not when the baby is about to be conceived? Isn’t there a brief moment of reality when Penis is about to enter Vagina? Realities that produce: STD’s, Baby Momma/Baby Daddy drama, and unwanted pregnancy. Pregnancies that are terminated…because of that hidden, and now newly valued Choice.

Some choices require us to live life in reverse. We are constantly looking back and trying to terminate what we created. A bad marriage, a bad living environment, and a bad job are only a few of the bad situations that we crochet.

We ALL have to knit more responsibility so that our lives can be guided while in Drive. Including the man, woman, and children that were flanked on a downtown Atlanta side walk. They have to be accountable for the messages that they are boldly projecting.

If we don’t think before acting…sexually, we will continue to erase life, distort life, and/or high-jack the lives of God's creation:

*That guy looks like The Shadow…not me*

Isn't it interesting that our adherences to God’s so called commandments are forfeited when we have 'a choice'? We have to stop living our lives with the Idea of Choice – then the Seeking of Forgiveness later. If there were no Choice perhaps we would not make so many unwarranted mistakes. Within the Hebrew bible there are not many choices that the biblical characters have/had at their convenient disposal…thus the reason the Hebrew bible is not utilized as The Law.

Disclaimer:

This was written without judgment. This was written with guilt. This was written as an attempt to remove the taboo discussion status from abortion. Typically, abortion is one of several topics that the black community -with the pathetic encouragement of the black church- AVOIDS.

The Shadow

When a Broken Heart Destroys

2011-01-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

When a man gets hurt, truly hurt - his heart broken he is no good for a LONG time. So, Ladies, do your homework. Try to find out if the man ya with heart has ever been sliced. Mine has.

Men don't bounce back from a broken heart with ease. I speak from personal experience and from knowing a few guys who have been burned. We are not well! Well enough to be the man you need us to be. Time has to past...Years! I am on that path. Took a long time to admit that I was heart broken – and it has been on the bend for more than 7 years. Yeah…I know! ‘That long.’ Yes, that long! Some men have problems accepting that pain. It signals our weakness. We try to avoid revealing our weaknesses...as a result of growing up male: “Men ain’t supposed to cry!” By the way, one of the worst mistakes we can make as parents is when we forcefully tell our boys: ‘Stop crying. Be a man.’

I have accepted where I was and where I am at: Broken. Lame. The healing process is a hell - and no one should have to go through that pain with someone when the hurt person is dragging the mate down. The misery loves the company.

Don’t be that distraught man’s walking mat, Ladies. And, Hurt Men, be upfront about your emotional positioning. If she is still willing to be with you – deal with you – have sex with you; warn her again. And, when that involvement goes to hell – it will – re-reconsider stepping into another relationship as you are: Beat-up.

Truthfully, Brotha, you may want to try being alone. It is a good place to be if you are at least half way comfortable with yourself. Yeah, I know – you still have sexual needs. Masturbation, celibacy, safe sex with a prostitute (as safe as that can be) sure beats the drama that will evolve from your broken status. I, The Shadow, have been in this sickening drama one too many times. My unwillingness to be alone has destroyed so many pleasant unions!

In the end, fellas, you lose a female friend - and you add to the burning that so many women have to endure.

The Final Consequence:

Relationships Are Forever Strained

The Shadow

Close to the Edge

2010-12-13T10:32:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I witnessed a brotha do everything he could not to implode. He took deep breaths. He appeared to ask the Lord for strength as he looked up at the ceiling...but he lost the battle. Yeah, the Battle is Not Yours: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXbV1axOxZ8. Really? Who owns the battle? Jesus? Well, Jesus did not show up for this brotha. He snapped! Guess his brief prayer did not work. Did he not pray long enough or was he supposed to be on his knees?

The irate woman accompanying the King pushed and pushed...until God’s child could not handle the pressure/stress/disrespect any longer!

There are countless brothas in prison because of the inability to maintain control (it can be tough...I know first hand) - and because the angry female would not ease up. Because the female would not back the hell off!

It was like she wanted him to violently shake her and forcefully mush her...like he did. I do not condone violence as a resort in most cases. I do however expect people not to relentlessly agitate with the sole expectation to push someone over the edge.

The brotha tried...and cried. I saw him pleading with himself and his Queen. No luck with his sincere prayer request. He ended up in the back of a police car handcuffed. I later watched the car ride away with him inside his temporary confinement until he reaches lock up. Wonder if he will be offered a bible to read while he there? That's the typical prescription drug for black people.

All she had to do was ease up after he said, "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I should not have spent the money. I will get it back. Please forgive me."

No dice - another brotha in the system. That could have been prevented!

The inability to monitor and limit anxiety is prevalent within the black community. It is a sickness. Black men and women appear to be so much at odds that they cannot help each other navigate within this stressful world. In essence, they cannot save each other from the shit this world slings their way. Thus creating an environment of tension and constant strife.

It was not a surprise that when I did my research years ago on anxiety that I did not find a reasonable amount of information that connects anxiety to cultural realities. I was also not surprised to discover while chatting with several African Americans about depression and anxiety disorders that they did not value healthy mental health. Actually, I have been aware of this for years. My introduction came when I was a child.

When I was a kid, the neighbors next door had it out every Friday. It was a Friday Night Fight after Friday Night Fish Fry every Friday. By the way, Friday Fish eating is not a ‘black thing’. It is a Catholic tradition. All these years…and I thought it was a Black tradition. http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Roman-Catholic-Tradition-of-Eating-Fish-on-Fridays

Since we are sick we need to do something about it. I suggest therapy, counseling, anti-anxiety medication, yoga, exercise (walking does wonders), meditating (not praying), and positive affirmations (not calling on some imaginary holy ghost).

For those of you, who are against taking medication, please consider that there may be a chemical imbalance.

has saved many lives. With that, I live a life of transparency in an effort to save my life and many more lives! In my transparency: I am unashamedly medicated.

It is effective…I don't have to say to the one nagging me any longer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFwvl6z2J4I

The Shadow

Mismatch

2010-10-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

I have made the mistake of putting on two different socks before. One brown and the other black. A mismatch. I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me. Not knowing was fine. I was still complete. Together...in my mind.

Searching for wholeness is top priority for us. Well, it should be. We vainly and with insecurity seek to complete ourselves in various forms. Taking on a plethora of devices, gadgets, additions, removals, and human resources e.g. a man or a woman to make us feel some sense of finality.

In my observations lately I have noticed that numerous black females are attempting to complete themselves with what appears to be a non-match. A mismatch. With a man that's not their first choice...but he is good enough. He will do. At least until the man that makes her tingle comes along!

This time around in the world of relationship, however, the men are not the 1990’s rough around the edges type of guys. They are not the bad boys. Bad boys use to get all the trim! And, Mr. Nice Guy got the leftovers.

They are the men who finish last in looks and in some cases in personality. Some have beer bellies, and others just don't cut it when you take a glance at the accompanying female. She is stunning. Beautiful. Fine. Sexy...but she's with what many would characterize as a busta. A putts. A cornball. You know, those guys who no one played with in grade school…

This dynamic was inevitable. Black women are willing to give the not so popular man - the dud - a chance considering what the media feeds us e.g. black men are a dying breed and considering the handsome and overly popular man is capitalizing off his ability to date and bang several women all at once. He, the latter, is uninterested in presenting an opportunity to help young women identify and secure completeness. That's too much work! He is comfortable knowing that his attractiveness will win out. Get him the booty! Heck, it worked in the past, why not now?

The exterior is the primary motivator for us initially. Those who say otherwise is lying! Perhaps, this fact is changing. Perhaps, black women are sick and tired of dealing with Mr. Fine. Perhaps, Busta is finally getting a piece of the pie. He has waited long enough! It is his time. So, forget about Mr. Light Skin coming back. Forget about Mr. Tall, Dark, Bald, and Handsome staying on top. Busta is getting the super fine women these days. They made the right moves, or should I say that they did not move? They waited. Waited for that moment when black women got truly feed up with what Mr. Popular brings to the table or doesn’t bring to the table. Busta is smart - and he was the life of the party this weekend while I (tall, dark, handsome, and unwilling to commit) sat on the perimeter all alone! Good thing I am enjoying my time without having to work at maintaining a relationship. I don’t have the energy!

The Shadow

The Art of Masturbation

2010-09-14T06:28:00.000-07:00

There are several advantages to masturbation. And, to know that some holy-rollers believe it to be “sinful” is just unfathomable. They actually justify the sinfulness via biblical scripture e.g. Onanism. What are we going to do with the bible - and the Qur’an? Unbelievable!

Years ago I felt stupid after I pleasured myself. Not sure why I felt like a dude who was so pathetic that he had to masturbate. I guess at the time I believed that I should not have to jerk off. It was a logical thought. I was vibrantly young with a young man's body. My six pack was easier to identify. I had less gray hair. I definitely had more energy. One and done was not a part of my sex repertoire. Well hold up, it depended on my level of attraction to the young lady. And, I was a tidbit more outgoing. Less conservative.

Now, masturbation is somewhat of a saving grace. When I am done I don't have to worry about what the conversation should be like the next day. Should I call or should I wait? What should I say? Should I ask her out?

I remember my first same night hook-up - that later flourished into a meaningful relationship - by the way. The young lady must have known that I was calling just to 'acknowledge' her. Courtesy call. During the brief conversation she said, "Brian, I am a big girl. I didn’t need for you to call me. We had sex and I enjoyed it. I will talk to you later. I have a lot to do today." The relief I felt! The weight was lifted.

With my weekly pleasures of self I don't have to worry about the emotions that come with a sexual encounter. The God-awful emotions, in my experience, that starts with the female. These are the emotions that I am convinced stem from two places: feelings of unworthiness and societal pressure. Society whether we want to believe it or not still has a psychological hold on women when it comes to them giving it up. She is expected to be at love's footstep, in love, commitment ready, or at the least considering boyfriend/girlfriend status.

The thoughts of non-appreciation (unworthy) are natural especially if the female values her sex. Her vagina. However, I am prepared to say that this too is an uncalled for thought. A psychological impediment. I am certainly not implying that women should not place a value on sexual activity. Nope!

What I am trying to convey is that the woman’s sex should not be some illusive commodity that loses its sparkle just because it is given up. This thinking leads to wasteful disappointment that then leads to senseless drama e.g. keying of cars, public outburst, name calling (dog), and lost friendships.

The ridiculous fallout can be prevented for men with some good lotion and a willingness to fight the temptation to conquer. That’s what it is all about for men. Conquering. Devouring the prey (women). Once a man starts having sex it becomes so lamely routine that he has to make the act about something more than getting some. He brutishly creates an atmosphere that usually only exist in his mind to compete with himself. To validate his manhood. The orgasm is secondary to a large degree. It is a tingling byproduct of the need to feel like a Man. And, unfortunately too many men attach manhood to sexual activity. Think about all these men who pop Viagra in an effort to be a stud in bed…?

We learn early to “hit as much ass as you can”.

But, if we were smart or when we get a little smarter we (men) learn to master The Art of Masturbation. The art is not in the motion, the stroke. It is in defeating that urge to be the Man we were told that we have to be.

Wish I would have learned this sooner…the foolishness that could have been prevented. Damn it!

The Shadow

Insecurity is a MF

2010-08-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

Black men do a whole lot of talking and complaining about how insecure black women are – and the reasons are abundant. The insecurities are! With this understanding so much can be said about why black men and women in America are so insecure.

I have heard and listed the reasons of why before. Frankly, I am sick and tired of the go-to-reasons! And, for the record I have prefaced the reasons as legitimate justifications and unfortunately as lame excuses.

So, I want to begin this conversation by acknowledging that I have insecurities. Several of them are overly present in my life and the others are latent. They come forth when I begin to feel...You guessed it: Insecure.
My momma told me one day, "Never, never disclose all your insecurities to a female. If you do she will play on them one day. Use them against you."

Was momma right?

Also, I am of the belief that black men (some) need to ditch this machismo attitude of 'I am the man'. When I have said this in argument or in defense with a girlfriend, I knew when it left my mouth that I sounded like an idiot. "I am the man." Yes, I am the man. Obvious? Just dumb on my part!

That's the problem, the Obvious. Black men are so busy dealing with the obvious. And, not with what may be the problem.

We (black men) have some work to do, and for any black man reading and wondering why I wrote this…just think about how much time you spend on trying to be The Man…You sound like an IDIOT!

And, please - Black Man - don’t come at me with that weak position: ‘White men too…’. Save that for someone willing to listen and allow you to deflect.

-The Shadow

Women are NOT Victims

2010-07-27T01:57:00.000-07:00

As some men 'grow' in the complicated world of relationship he will be told that he is the reason for the way some women behave and respond under stressful relationship situations e.g. refer to a man as a dog when in fact female allowed him to be a dog with female.

While agree that man (male), in general, is the reason for so much strife and that he has made extremely damaging decisions that have negatively affected the entire planet e.g. war, slavery, and so much more - I am not prepared to declare any longer that men are the reason for Ms. Victim to be in Victim Status. As a male friend of 20 plus years told me, “You have allowed for women to manipulate you into making poor decisions regarding other friendships.” He is right…I have immediately taken the female’s side on occasion. When I should have investigated a little more. While this is a good approach in theory (come to the aid of the female) it has proven to be detrimental for me: What I have learned is Ms. Victim in her self-induced pain is overwhelmingly calculated and conniving. To the extent she will ruin a man’s reputation and stain his character as a result.

It is high time for some females to do everything possible to avoid the pathetic Victim Room. It actually does not work with most men, The Woe is Me Syndrome. Many men have been known to exploit it. When I think about it with my caveman instinct, he should.

Many of us (men) begin to lose respect for women who play this Victim Card time after time. It is unattractive. It is deplorable. It has been the reason for so much drama! It causes men who are growing into positive maturity to avoid relationship during a valuable period in his life: His 40’s and 50’s (taken from a psychologist).

It is indication that Ms. Victim has issues that need to be addressed with a therapist.

-The Shadow Series

Keeping the Legs Closed

2010-07-10T17:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life we lose friends. Sometimes you gain/make a friend. I have had the opportunity to have a few friends that have been good for my life. I am sitting here hoping I have enriched someone else's life with my 90% friendship. I did not give 100%. I have been unable to because I am aware that people hurt each other. So, I shield most of myself from people's shit! The remaining 10% stays in reserves so I will not be on E when my friend decides to do what human nature dictates: LOOK OUT FOR SELF.

I have been the hurter and I have been hurt. I am deeply sorry for all those I have hurt. What I find interesting: most of the friends I have hurt are female. That to me is arresting. Why? Because it is obvious to me that most of the female friends I have had the pleasure to have in my life ended up WANTING me. Wanting me to be more than a friend. That is not ego talking. It is my truth. It is what I have been able to glean, and I believe that I am right.

My dreadful mistake was when I participated in taking the friendship to an intimacy level even after I told the female friend that I am not interested in more than what we have, friendship. That was my colossal mistake.

The question remains, what blunder did the female friend make? It is obvious: when she thought she could separate emotion from reality. Emotion came along as soon as she opened her legs. Reality exited the room for a moment of sex.

Reality remained the next day for me. Not for female friend. That was the collision. The accident. That's when my friendship with the female ended.

I write all of the above to express:

Women, when a man show you his card believe it is the right card. It is not a trick. Take him for what he has said and displayed. If he says, 'I am not interested in a relationship.' BELIEVE him! And keep ya legs closed! And finally, stop allowing yourself to be ruled by emotion. Emotion keeps ya wide open. It makes you desperate. Try to control it. Don't get rid of it. Just control it - or make every effort to
KEEP YA LEGS CLOSED.

-The Shadow

Karma is a coming

2010-07-07T17:48:00.000-07:00

I am of the belief that certain people -not all- are in our lives to help us receive the inevitable, Karma.

We get what we deserve in this world. You reap what you sow - is a saying that I refuse to believe in regards to those of us who are The Least of Us. The Innocent. There is no way I will ever believe an aging lady taking a morning stroll deserved or reaped to be viciously attacked by three pit bulls.

What I will boldly solidify with my belief:

When you believe that you were "wronged" you may want to think back. Really think back with, Why is this episode occurring or has occurred? For example, if you are a person who believes you have been horribly slighted by another person e.g. cheated on - and don't deserve the fallout from the cheating; perhaps you may want to reevaluate the relationships you have participated in. Were you declaring, as one of the Tiger Woods’ floozies said, "He cheated on his wife. I was not the one cheating." While this disrespector of holy matrimony did not technically "cheat on" Tiger's wife, she participated in behavior that ended up negatively altering and affecting the life of Tiger's wife and child.

To sum this up without reigniting a Tiger Woods discussion:

Ladies, just because you are "not cheating on” anyone in a situation like the T. Woods saga - you are in affect and in fact assisting in a dreadful collision. Like that grandma saying goes: If you were there you are just as guilty. Therefore, please expect karma to slap your ass right in the face one day for sleeping around with a married man. No matter how you conveniently rationalize this disgusting behavior you are wrong. Dead wrong, and should expect for some guiltless and heartless Jezebel to do the same to you one day…if it is not already occurring. Karma is a coming!!

The tragedy will be if you (Ms. Innocent - The Assistant in the crime), cannot humbly put two and two together - and realize:

You are getting your pay back.

WE must learn from our indiscretions...if not - we will definitely perish in our self induced mistakes. Believe me, I am a believer in karma and a deserving victim as a result of the wrongs I have willingly committed.

-The Shadow

2010-06-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Women,

Every woman I have dated, been involved with as boyfriend, or even if we were 'kicking it' for more than a one night stand has been 'wife material'. I am so thankful I have not had many one nighters. The few I did have were extremely awkward. Yuck!

Simply put: I have been….(should I use the word blessed here?) Okay…simply put: I have had several Good Women to put up with my volatile moodiness and stiff quirkiness! The seldom used adjectives used to describe a Good Woman should be and can be applied to these women.

This is not a remarkable truth. It is somewhat characteristic of most men's relationship situations with women. Well, that's if the men are able to identify with the goodness. It is there. It is present. It is underneath the layers of pain men have more than likely caused.

I thought last week:

"Wow! Most of the women I have interfaced with have been at their core more worthy than I. When all the covers are pulled back, I was not worthy of the love, care, and constant attention that they displayed and genuinely gave to me. From T to W, from A to M, from P to S, from C to E, from D to K, from F to Y, from J to R - my selections (expressing humility now) have been extremely top self (the letters represent the first initial of some of the women)."

Again, I was not worthy!

I am so thankful I am able to express that to YOU (all of you are BCC'ed). That in itself is a true testament of your character: After the heartache (more for some and less for others) I may have caused you are still connected to me even if it is only with an email address.

Turning 40 should not be this transformative. Lord…I can honestly admit that YOU have helped me SEE myself!

The Shadow

Black Women and Their Hair (Not again)

2010-06-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

What you are about to read is a response I posted on a friend's FB page after he expressed himself on the topic:

Black Women and Their Hair

Hair....black women???? Would rather maintain a nice 'do' instead of allowing a little rain to cool overheated skin from sun exposure - and will break their necks trying to get out of the rain. Would rather gain 15 pounds a year than workout: "The sweat will mess-up my hair."

The Shadow dated a woman who went natural so that she could workout with him. Her exact words, "While you are at the gym some working out sista may get your attention. Please help me find a barber!" Another woman The Shadow dated said, "We can have sex tonight - but it can't be like last time. Last night. I sweated too much, and my hair fell."

The Shadow was with the first mentioned woman longer...even though he had not hit it yet. The Shadow got rid of the second mentioned woman even though she was giving it up regularly!

http://www.miamiherald.com/multimedia/news/afrolatin/part2/index.html

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xdiqjy_nbc-today-show-why-are-women-obsess_news

The Shadow

Don't Call Me

2010-05-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

People only do what they deem is important to them. The excuses for not doing something are shallow covers of their consciousness ignoring what they have regulated to 'the forgotten or the not enough time'. When you, the person waiting on that something to be done, begin to SEE the person via their non-action the better off you will be.

Women, when a man tells you he is going to do this, do that - and you find yourself waiting...and still wanting - you are the fool. The idiot. Don't re-make him into the liar that your consciousness knew he was before you ended up in emotional limbo. Please don't become a victim as a result of your stupidity or your foolish patience.

A man typically plays his hand early. Go with that play.

Stop wasting you time...Move on!

"A man giving women advice has never been impactful which means the advice goes unheard; never utilized.” –Unknown

No wonder women always end-up crying, sulking for days, and ultimately subconsciously hating men.

Sorry, Ladies, don't call me with your self-induced Job 10:15 (Woe is Me) plagued stories. Big Play-Play Brother ain't trying to listen. Call ya girlfriend that allowed you to make a b-hole out of yourself...

I just might take advantage of you in your fake-azz vulnerability...

Don't call me!

The Shadow

The Difference

2010-05-13T19:05:00.000-07:00

White women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Hang out.

Casually get to know the man while hooking up. It is all about having fun. A good time. No stress.

Sex is pretty much a guarantee. I list this with assurance because I have the acquired understanding that many white girls are of the belief that sex is not a prerequisite to a relationship. Not that I believe that white women are sluts! Floozies come in all forms. Including in male.

Black women will meet a man, and the first thoughts are:

Marriage material or not.

Child or Children.

Then the Dating begins. Note I used the word 'dating'. For some reason, it has to be more formal than hanging out. Which in my experience brings an uneasy level of intensity to the mix. Makes it more important than what it is at the time. Which is laughable to me considering men are thinking along the lines of hittin it without feelings attached while the female is preparing to change the brotha so she can keep him – and/or save the brotha with help from Christ? Save him from what, by the way? Note also that the thoughts of the 'essentials' e.g. marriage and children are pre-dating.

Sex is the cement seal. It locks the brotha in. He has a girlfriend now! It becomes ridiculously serious like sex is not a natural animalistic act that humans physically want/need. Sex in many cases is some how used to legitimize the 'situation' which is a complete turn off for countless men: ‘Dang, I just banged it out. Nothing more!’ For the record, my white homie from Texas said that white women lock him down after he slangs it too!

As The Shadow thinks about this, he is certainly aware that his thoughts are experience based - and may not be the norm. A possible huge generalization on both ends of the spectrum for black and white women. However (However not used to negate The Shadow’s previous sentence), as The Shadow talk with men and women (mostly black and white of each gender) he is noticing a trend.

The Difference:

There is such a sense of black female urgency along the lines of relationships and dating in the black community. As if the white meat chicken sale is about to be over. As if the Frankie Beverly and Maze tickets are about to be sold out. As if the Mayfield ice cream is melting. As if it (whatever it is) is fading or dying faster than usual.

Just thinking.

Please validate or challenge my thoughts.

-The Shadow

Another Pity Party for Black Females

2010-04-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/successful-black-woman-find-man/story?id=10213505

I actually thought about going. Then I was like: 'Not the same shyt.' I will pop a blood vessel up in there!

Again, there are black men for black women. Some "successful" black women have X-ed out many of black men who are every day guys.

Perhaps this is the reason why many of these women are alone: http://theshadowseries.blogspot.com/2010/03/medusa.html.

Medusa's are all over da place!

Black people discuss the most 'common' crap. It is always our tired azz issues. We gotta get it together.

There is so much to this life besides: relationships, race, and religion. Are we confined to the 3 R's?

Relationships: Come and Go.

Race: Will always be an issue.

Religion: A bunch of bull shit!

So much reason to expand/evolve!

Also, why in the h*ll would anyone listen to Steve Harvey's message on relationships? This man has been divorced 3 times...(do a fact check on that).

-The Shadow giving The People what they want and need (bout like the average preacher).

Coming Out the Closet

2010-03-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

What is happening to me? I am changing into someone/something I do not recognize. Unidentifiable. The Shadow is being taken over by a foreign concept for most men.

I am actually considering a way of life that many women implement to gain clarity. To emotionally cleanse. To re-center. Bring themselves back to spiritual wholeness.

Some women are forced into this decision because of societal demographics. While this decision for her is unwanted it is somewhat an inevitable reality. A realness that has become an unwanted occurrence because of 'the way it is' for women today. Especially, for black women.

While my contemplation is a serious one, I am certain some men will mock my choice. I don't care. If I were concerned about what the 'fellas' think I would have tamed many of my comments that have indicted men. Me included. I would have decided to be silent in protection of the shallow man bond.

Forced from the brotherhood on my terms may be the reason I am coming out of the closet that has confined me to limited sexual pleasure. Pleasure that for many reasons have not generated much gratification.

Emptiness is what we have when we... (stop, Brian, clarify with an 'I statement'). Emptiness is what I have when I give away my sacred energy.

That energy is my sex. Sex that does not reach the level of meaningfulness. Sex that's empty. So empty that when the energy in life form leaves (ejaculates) my body I instantly want to be free of the hallow moment. I want to be with who I am emotionally comfortable: ME, MYSELF, AND I. Not with a naked, unpleasing, and irritating stranger.

Strangers are who many of us purposely and unknowingly give ourselves to via sexual intercourse - which may be the reason I have not fully benefited from unconnected sexual activity in a long time. And, consequently may be the reason I just can't do this causal copulating any longer with honoring what I am considering:

Celibacy

Written by The Shadow. Inspired by the last time I had sex. I wanted the female to get gone immediately after the first ejaculation.

The Medusa

2010-03-13T09:38:00.000-08:00

Men are men. Women are women. The differences are vast. Men are analytical processors. Women are emotionally driven. Men are motivated by the frivolous. Women are dedicated to nurturing. With all the differences nothing should prevent us from distinguishing who is who and what is what.

Right?

With dating, the man once upon a time was expected to lead the process. This included determining what the date would entail: where, what, and how long depending on how 'dude' would behave. Act like a jerk, and the date would not last more than an hour. Good thing moms and dads always gave daughter taxi money.

Why was the woman given money to 'get out' of the date? The door has always been open for the female to flee if "he cuts a fool". How about when the woman misbehaves or turns out to be a raging Medusa? In my experience men must remain. Steadfast. Enduring. Deal with the gorgon. I never understood this. Men with good intentions have to pretend to be comfortable until the date is over.

I recall one of many dates from hell. I could not wait to bounce. Get gone...but out of long-suffering respect for the disturbed female pit-bull I 'remained'. Imprisoned with rude behavior toward wait staff. Shackled by the cost of this woman's fifth extra dirty Grey Goose martini. I still have the receipt. A memento saved to remind me not to go on a date with a woman who lives in a half a million dollar home ALONE, according to her she recently divorced a “weakling”, drives a Big Boy Mercedes, eats out every single night, lives among mess (junk all over the Haverty’s fully furnished home - one room only used: the bedroom for sleeping, snacking, and masturbating all the time), goes to church every Sunday but returns from mega church service in another sour mood, gets an expensive massage, pedicure, and manicure once a week, brags about her dildo like it is her personal Jesus, has a fitness trainer that gets a last minute cancellation notice from Ms. Thang all the time, stays on her BlackBerry chatting with other women like herself (there are more), and who by the way has no relationship with her cancer ill mother.

But, men are the butt holes?

What this manufactured culture has created are women with a perverse mentality of misguided feminism and shallow individualism: “I don’t need a man.” These women are societal bandits. Bandits, not social revolutionaries. Objectified losers that believe if they suppress their womanhood the world would be easier to live in.

A classic case of going against the grain of what is meant to be: Women are women and men are men.

In the end, which is the present, these females are The Bad News Bears...that never win because they have LOST their momma’s training. Purposely misplaced the delicate fundamentals of being a lady.

They gambled with the role changes of the 21st century, and lost. Not their material items - but what is important:

Respect

Once that is gone no man will come at the female with good intentions...thus the reason male/female relationships are jacked. Leaving women foolishly thinking they can get from a female companion what they can't get from a man. I said, A MAN.

We in trouble...when the woman begins to take on the negative characteristics of a boy! I said, A BOY.

Written by The Shadow. Inspired by The Medusa.

Tainted Man Rules

2010-02-16T12:23:00.000-08:00

Rules are Rules. There should not be any deviation from them. If there is a ‘break away’ from the rules one should expect to be reprimanded and/or discarded. –The Unwritten

That is a strict message to not only send – but to comply to predetermined rules where no slack is given for breaking a rule must indicate that the culture that makes up the rules is serious about maintaining an intense level of order. Somewhat reflective of the military.

In the armed forces if one purposely or mistakenly deviates, a life could be lost. All it takes is one soldier to disobey an order or ignore a regulation; and an entire unit can be wiped out by the enemy. That is serious life altering business that affects the whole. The family. The bond.

Rules that pertain to the male culture are selfishly considered honorable e.g. man code-ish. Usually this way of conducting and behaving is in stark contrast to what is necessary to adhere to acceptable morals and values. Not that the male society is totally void of decency. No - that is not what I would like to imply. Nonetheless, the unwritten ‘policies’ are in contradiction of what many fathers convey to their sons. Basically, men with children do not tell their boys to subject themselves to the torching of their souls. As fathers we encourage our children to make the RIGHT decision. Typically, this right decision is without subjectivity. It should be an appropriate decision that falls inline with the natural order i.e. adhering to The Golden Rule. This rule, by the way, if followed could eradicate many issues that pollute the world and the souls of mankind.

Our souls keep a record of all the good and bad we project into the universe. It is a journal where entries cannot be erased. The imprints are written in blood. Literally, in blood because what we bear to our soul is unchangeable. It is sealed, typically with a pain; not a joy. Therefore, what we share with the world after living for awhile is a composition of regrettable decisions. However, these decisions do not become unwanted complexities of our souls until we are ready to face them head-on. With truth. With humility. With full disclosure. Prior to this RIGHT decision we willingly allow the soul of man to be in conflict.

ALL men are fully aware of what I am attempting to convey. Many of us are not prepared to listen to the vehicle I have chosen to reveal the message. That vehicle is the bosom of my “messy” soul. My “pull pit” is where I have waddled for years. Never realizing that the mess that I have created is all I have to address MY behavior. My demons. Demons that are with all of us to some degree, if not, similar demons. So, in all of this I have taken a road that leaves me in the position of being inaccurately accused that ‘My house is in order’. Thus the reason I have purposely fallen victim for years to a man code that has eaten away at the fabric of the family.

Man Rules in all their ridiculous bravado have assisted in the death and destruction of the black family. Not solely responsible – but its damage can be found in the Souls of Black Folk. Look at us…what are we if we do not have respectable honor? And, to voice what has been described as righteous indignation (my opinions):

There is No Honor in Man Rules. Not the ones that do not protect and cherish integrity.

In the final analysis, at the end of the day - all there is a pseudo fraternity of imitation brotherhood that does not push or advocate for personal responsibility.

Written by The Shadow. Re-inspired by a married friend who asked me, “Can I bring my side chick with me when I come to visit you?” My new and improved response: “HELL NO!”

2009-12-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

The picture says a lot. But, is it a true declaration for most black people?

The Shadow initiated a conversation to pursue 'Black Love' by asking the following:

What reasons have we (21st century black people), collectively, given men like Tiger Woods to love who/what he is (half black)? Really think about that for a moment. Think about what we have become. Not become...

Self Hatred stems from what we see/experience/witness. In this case, we have been viewing ourselves and definitely turning away without a positive impression...

-The Shadow

Role Reversal

2009-11-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

Please watch the video clip. I found it quite interesting and definitely on-point with what The Shadow and the readers have discussed before.

The roles have been haphazardly and purposely distorted.

Traditionalism has its place when the elements are 'together'. The further we stray from what worked the more we fall deeper and deeper into the worldly abyss of relationship conflict. Recall how much we say, 'music was once good.' 'I wish things were like they use to be.' There is something to our longing for what once was, Tradition. I promise you, if I could wave a magic wond and restore the goods of the past I would in a heart beat. i was not made for what we have today...

http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/real-life-emmad-menem-marriages/

-The Shadow

Sharing was Once Okay

2009-10-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

Before we enrolled in kindergarten we should have known the importance of sharing. Right? I recall the numerous pleas my mother made for me to share with my brother and sister: “Brian, you know you are suppose to share.” I also remember how I begrudgingly shared my Salvation Army toys and grandma prepared food with them. It was a much more difficult task for me when moneyless friends surprisingly appeared as the ice cream truck clunkered through the neighborhood hocking expired ice cream. So much for my two Blue Bunny Strawberry Shortcakes! Had to give one to Mookie!

Recently, I mentioned to a friend: “Black women may want to consider sharing the remaining good black men. She may also want to contemplate dating outside her race or not date at all.” I supported my statement with the following information.

*At midyear 2008, there were 4,777 black male inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents being held in state or federal prison and local jails, compared to 1,760 Hispanic male inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents and 727 white male inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents. The rate for black males is expected to climb as it has for years.

*The statistics reveal that less than 1/3 of black males that enroll in college graduate within 6 years and that black women out number black men by a factor of nearly 2:1 in college. 2:1 appears to be a small factor. However, when one considers the imprisonment rate for black men the 2:1 factor becomes considerably significant.

*While African Americans comprise 13.5% of the U.S. Population, 43% of all murder victims in 2007 were African American, 93% of whom were killed by African Americans.

The numbers are not alarming to me at all! For years now, I have been sadly aware that black men are entering Uncle Sam’s and private corporation’s penitentiaries by the numbers, that black men are rare novelties on college campuses, and that black men are slaughtering each other over foolishness e.g. No Snitching Rule.

With this understanding, I have come to the conclusion that black women have some tough decisions to make. Some are already prepared to face reality: “And if by chance I run into the love of my life and he knocks me off my feet, is able to provide for his family, raise and lead our children in a positive direction, and love me with all his might, treats me like the queen that I am, I will not have a problem with the fact that it may not be a brother!!!” –Sherri Rushing

I conclude with a question that immediately prompt my friend to boldly exclaim, “I ain’t sharing no man.”

Really? One, she may be sharing him now – and not know it. Two, she may eat that knee-jerk response sooner rather than later. That’s if she’s unwilling to date outside her race or enjoys going to bed alone for the long term.

Question:

Ladies, are you willing to SHARE a good black man if the circumstances are beneficial to you in some capacity?

-The Shadow

http://touchingtrulytouching.blogspot.com/

Female Emotionalism in the Workplace: Menstruation and Cattiness

2009-08-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

Picture taken from the 1939 film, The Women.

Believe it or not, I tip-toe with my commentary. Sometimes I try to think of the receivers of my ‘chatter’ while understanding that what I write may affect someone in a negative way. I pride myself on being convicted, and helping others get to a place of conviction. This is my way of receiving helpful and inspiring messages from readers and my effort to share messages that I have received from countless people. I pray I am effectively recycling opinions and positions well…

In the Shadow Series’ installments I take every step to push the limits. The Shadow can be quite forthright with his perspectives when he is sharing a friend’s story or his own.

With this understanding, The Shadow is Unleashing…again this month.

I will unleash by keeping it really short and blunt as The Shadow can be:

I DO NOT care to work with women any longer. Particularly in a team environment. I am sick and tired of swimming through horrible cramp-filled periods. Wondering which female is bleeding with a d*mn attitude. Wondering who is not PMS’ing three weeks in advance of her cycle. Wondering who I can approach and get a non-emotional response. Wondering who will not stab her female colleague in the back in my presence, and then expect me to go back and tell the other female: ‘Tasha does not like you. Watch out!’ Wondering who will not breakdown in tears just because she has been reprimanded for watching soap operas online at work. Wondering who will not be so d*mn petty that nothing can get resolved. Wondering who can be so d*mn catty that a business meeting does not get started until after 20 minutes of ‘weekend chatter’. Wondering which female will not act like a d*mn female, and get something done! I can go on…and on.

Also, if I had an opportunity to select my very own work team it would be FULL of male athletes. Athletes value successful uninhibited completion. Strict methodology. Unabated reality. Tangible results. And, not useless brainstorming sessions that only serve as ANOTHER impeding barrier and opportunity to talk…again.

I am sick and tired of being consumed by female emotions and high school activities on the job e.g. envy, jealousy, professional vendettas, and gossip. And, if I have to endure another icebreaker with ridiculous outcomes again I am going to do something to get freaking fired!

I ain’t sorry for this one…considering after checking-in with 6 females today who AGREED with my frustrating sentiments: “I wish I did not have to work with women or for a woman.” –Female

This is where I am at this month. I might just be on the RAG.

Written by The Shadow.

Superhead giving Non-head Advice

2009-07-29T14:42:00.000-07:00

Searching for a good talk radio show after 8:00PM is a challenge if you are XM Radio challenged, not a subscriber. So, I resort to searching and searching for something besides conservative and liberal chatter. What I have discovered is that the conservatives got the talk radio department on lock. Literally locked down!

On occasion I come across a station that tickles my fancy momentarily. Last night proved to be a night that I got tickled the more I listened to the Bev Smith Show on WAOK 1380AM-Atlanta. Bev’s guest yesterday was Karrine Steffans. Apparently, Superhead YouTube - Karrine talks about her Nickname:SuperHead
has a new book out: http://www.amazon.com/Vixen-Manual-Find-Seduce Keep/dp/0446582271/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1. How to Find, Seduce & Keep the Man You Want.

Really?

The title got my ongoing attention because I am STILL trying my best to take Ms. Steffans seriously. While I listened to her talk all I could think about was the infamous Superhead Flick. Nothing else entered my mind…but her giving Mr. Marcus some type of head that he could not ‘take’. It is evident that Karrine, via the video, does have some talent – but writing is not a skill I gathered from my continuous viewing of the DVD (got me a black market copy). However, I was able to surmise that she is a Master at giving head. She definitely has EARNED her title: Karrine Steffans, SH.

Go figure.

A hip-hop music video groupie turned porn star now wannabe Ann Launders author is offering up advice on how to keep a man. First, it was Steve Harvey sharing his three time divorce pedigree on relationships; and now we have a “saved” porn star who has failed to comprehend that a whore has to leave town to lose her whore status. Starting anew requires relocation and/or FULL redemption. Is Karrine Steffans Born Again? H*ll no! She a secret telling money hungry leech seeking to get loot-phat off her indiscretions and everyone else’s:

Ja Rule, Jay Z, DMX, Booby Brown, Diddy, Fred Durst, Big Tigger, Shaq, Xzibit, and more

Karrine Steffans, with all her self-acknowledged good intentions - “I wrote this book to give much needed guidance to women just like me.” - should be incapable of imparting advice to any female successfully. The failure should begin before her new ‘how to hook a man guide’ is picked-up from a Border’s bookshelf: Don’t even buy it!

But, who is The Shadow to blast Karrine’s book? Well, The Shadow was stupid enough to read it! Just dumb!

Something she wrote may be worthy and/or Inspiring to an Aspiring Slut.

The Shadow’s idea/suggestion for Karrine will keep her where she belongs: On her knees.

The Shadow Suggestion to Karrine Steffans:

Record a step by step training (DVD) on giving a blow job. Then market and sale to black women since sistas appear to be “afraid of da d*ck”.

Am just saying…

And, to close with a possible spark-flying question:

Why are so many black women so resistant to giving head?

(Question comes from black male concerns that are discussed by married and single black men)

The Shadow from the Shadow Series.

http://rebellioussacrifice.blogspot.com/

Not another Cheating Discussion…

2009-07-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

When I created The Shadow Series blogspot I envisioned it being a public forum for men and women to communicate about the complex issues men face with women. That has presented itself in various forms i.e. marriage, dating, sexual intercourse, differences in the genders’ thought processes, etc. Much of what is here (the blog entries) have stayed true to my vision. I am thankful for that considering The Shadow is only trying to stimulate dialogue that will be useful for both male and females.

The only criticism The Shadow has as the creator is the amount of back and forth men/women do concerning one topic:

CHEATING

While I am not amazed that we care so much about this heated conversation piece; I am somewhat burned out on it. Perhaps, it is because women just don’t get it.

To bring finality to the Cheating Discussion once and for all on The Shadow Series please read the brief statement (below) The Shadow made in an email correspondence then scroll down to the Comment icon, click on it, and read the feedback that was generated from The Shadow’s Closing Argument.

“Let me be clear, a man will cheat for NO REASON AT ALL. Life could be GREAT on the home front. Dynamic. Lovely. EVERYTHING good. Including the same old stale booty from his wife. BUT, the man will cheat anyway. The best of us have done it. Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, and more. Probably a person reading Dad has stepped out on Momma. It has nothing to do with wanting an upgrade. Heck, The Shadow has cheated with women who he did not want to bang missionary. Why? Their face was not pleasing to him. ‘No, let me hit it from the back.’ LOL!”

The Shadow has said this time and time again…to the same reader/respondents (females) – but they still don’t get it. Or, perhaps they are living on another planet.

-The Shadow

Cheating: Could it be deserved?

2009-06-17T16:06:00.000-07:00

"If we're going to point fingers at men behaving badly, we have to take a look at the women's behavior that may provoke it." -Wendy Atterberry

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/17/tf.is.cheating.ever.deserved/index.html

Cheating

I like the way Atterberry addressed the topic. I am certain there are women reading who believe a man should NEVER cheat. However, some women are the impetus of the cheating. Yes, it is actually the female's fault in some cases.

-The Shadow

Is the Cookie Really that Precious?

2009-06-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

The Shadow has been trying to understand something every since he started having sex. In order to not prolong your interest he will just jump right into it. Not into some booty but into a man’s ongoing dilemma:

Why in the world do women think that giving up there cookie/biscuit means that they have just ‘honored’ the selected man? Passed on a priceless artifact?

The Shadow does acknowledge that having sex supposedly means something more to females. Yeah, right! They may just be making that up so that they will not feel cheap.

The Shadow wants to put women on notice: Giving it up to a man may indicate something special to you – but it does not mean a damn thing to most men. Actually, men can care less about the complexities women may have experienced around making the decision to prop-up her legs or to get down on her knees and palm of her hands (just read some research that indicates that more women prefer The Doggie Style – so non-intimate).

The Shadow and his cohorts (other perplexed men) also are not thinking that they are ‘special’ because a young lady had sex with them. Men see it as two people that decided to behave like the animals that humans are. Unrestricted. In the flesh!

Honor and prestige are certainly not what men feel when the female leaves satisfied (MOST research suggests that women are RARELY satisfied with sex).

So my question, phrased in a more DIRECT way:

What is it about a woman’s vagina that elevates it to an exclusive category?

The Shadow would like for women to know that just because she had sex with a man it does not mean that he sees it as the best thing that has ever happened to him. Women must understand this! Men see it as another ‘piece’ that he got. An encounter. Not a multi-million dollar prize.

So, The Shadow concludes with a request:

Ladies, please know that the value of your cookie is not of extreme value to many men. If you value it that much I suggest you only give that platinum pu**y to He who is truly Worthy.

Written by The Shadow, the voice of men who want to be bluntly honest with his feelings.

*If I generalized too much for the men reading - my message to the men:

Please stop lying like you have never been the man I am speaking about.

The Allusive Wow Factor

2009-05-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

“What up, Dude? How are things going with you and your girl? I like her. She appears to be cool.” -The Shadow
"All good on this end. We are doing fine…Yeah, she cool…but she does not give me that Wow Factor.” -Dude
“What is the Wow Factor.” -The Shadow
"I am not sure if she really does it for me? Well, she does but…can’t explain it.” -Dude
“What do you mean? Is she affectionate? Does she listen to you? Does she cook for you when you work late? Does she nag you about hanging out with the fellas? Is she giving you the sex frequently? Can you two have a decent intellectually conversation? Does she give good head?” -The Shadow
“I don’t know…I just may need that excitement thing. Don’t know. “No. She does not nag me. Yes to all the other questions.” -Dude
“How long are we (men over 35) going to continue to look for a damn “Wow Factor”? I guess we will continue to search and search for that ‘feeling’ when in fact we are already getting EVERYTHING we REALLY need from the woman we have selected to be with. It is like we (men) are just waiting and waiting for some miracle to happen: To be knocked down by beauty and all the other superficial BS that we say we need. Here you are pleased with the woman you are dating. She is adhering to all your wants/desires – but you want that Wow Factor? A factor you cannot even define. Love the one you are with, Nigga. Bye!” –The Shadow

(CLICK)

Okay…I was wrong for hanging up on him…I know! I am just amazed by the confused mindsets of some men. Including me! We say we want this (sex appeal, intelligence, mother qualities, etc. – but in truth we are so convoluted that we are clueless on what we desire from women. We drag women through pig waste (our insecurities), sometimes for years, and then one day ‘wake-up’ with, ‘I am not feeling this any longer. You just don’t do it for me.’ Most of the time we don’t tell that committed woman about our early morning revelation. We just start seeing someone else who is now Wow-ing us.

Men are idiots!

Shared by The Shadow.

http://muatatruthtelling.blogspot.com/

The Penis is a Well Liked Dummy

2009-04-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Why in the world would I make that declaration? Men can answer that question. Some may not agree with me – but they know at one time, and possibly now, that their predictable ‘magic stick’ is/was an idiot. Here are a few reasons why I ‘stand erect’ by this FACT.

*The penis will stand at attention for just about anything/anybody. He has been accused of gett ing stimulated without provocation every 47 seconds.

*The penis will not perform when he needs to. When his wet comrade really wants it he is unable to work. One shot and done!

*The penis does not practice discrimination. He will go up in anything. Some men have been known to stick their ding-a-ling in wall holes at sex shops.

*The penis does not care if his more intelligent owner keeps him healthy. Women, please FORCE your man to go get Dummy tested. The owner’s Dummy is reckless.

I will stop here. There are more.

Interestingly enough, the penis still has the capability of whipping the hell out of the weakest and strongest women. The woman who has the lowest of self-esteems and the woman with the ‘I can do this by myself’ mentality are subject to the Whip Appeal (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xaLHnNTv0U). All he has to do is ‘work it right’ and be of decent size (documented female size preference is 7 to 8.25 inches in length and from 6.15 to 6.25 inches in circumference).

Penis Size Preference Chart

So, now the big question that will surely piss some women off:

How in the world can a woman be so damn strung out over a Dummy?

Yeah, I know a man can be pussy trained – but nothing makes a woman behave in a ridiculous manner like A Good Dumb Dick. She can evolve into the cousin of Dummy, Ms. Stupid.

Think about how women behave when Dummy stops performing for her for whatever reason. Well, this reason: Dummy begins to be dumb somewhere else: up in another woman’s Savory Intelligences (between her legs). Think about what she will subject herself to e.g. verbal/physical abuse, disease, financial ruin, etc. Think about it!

Under these circumstances I would rather have a Dummy connected to me:

He can be dumb and still get the warm and juicy Cookie from Ms. Strung Out.

Read how confident Dummy the Dick is,

“I got the magic stick. I know if I can hit once, I can hit twice. I hit the baddest chicksShorty don't believe me, then come with me tonight. And I'll show you maaagic. (What? What?) Maaagic. I got the magic stick!"

What say you?

Written by The Shadow.

If only men could 're-make' their Dummy (picture above).

Steve Harvey’s Book: An Official Review without Reading

2009-03-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

I am not a Steve Harvey fan. Chris Rock’s my go to guy for jokes. I do not wake-up yearning to hear what Steve is pushing. My preference is NPR and Neil Boortz in the AM. I have not purchased his new book, Steve Harvey at Amazon. Decided to get Tavis’s (Black America’s stepchild) new book instead, Tavis Smiley Accountable. He’s talking about something that sustains my interest and reminds me to make better decisions these days: Accountability. No, I will not read Steve’s book. What I have done is read various editorials to gain his perspective of what I have entitled, The Pathetic, but Artful Sham. Besides, he does not need my $16. He will surely get plenty of folk’s money now that the Queen of Making Millionaires has co-signed on his triple divorce opinions, generalizations, and facts. All I need is one episode on Oprah!

Men have been masters of pretending to be something that they are not. Some claim to be wealthy businessmen others profess to be great fathers. However, some men in this atrocious dating climate have decided to be less than what they really are so that they will not be expected to commit. Believe that, ladies! There are men out there who are genuinely chivalrous, caring, romantic, communicative, affectionate, giving, and all the wonderful characteristics of a ‘good man’ – but he has artfully shammed women into ‘accepting’ that he is an asshole.

A brotha told me a few days ago that he has not been who his mother raised him to be with women because if he does he will be flooded with desperate attempts to marry him off or women will arrive with an overnight bag when the rendezvous is suppose to be a booty call, nothing more. I was confused at first, but it began to make sense. This man has decided to be something he is not so that women will not get attached. He has altered his personality so that he can maintain his singlehood without commitment pressure. He has been living outside of his authentic self to deflect a woman’s love. Even with the, ‘I am not interested in a relationship at this point in my life’ disclaimer; he has still found it necessary to hoodwink women into believing that he is a jerk.

Guess what?

His efforts are a waste of time. The women he has shammed remain head over hills.

What is a man to do?

Men and women are consciously removed from their authenticity (true selves). This leaving all of us who are still searching for Mr./Mrs. Right in an abyss of shameful falsehood. Women carrying on like men or not facing reality (he just banging you) - and men doing the normal: Evading commitment like little boys. Everybody purposefully faking, no one living in their purpose.

I gather from my research that Steve Harvey’s book covers my commentary. I accept checks.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/23/o.steve.harvey.love.advice/index.html

http://advice.eharmony.com/article/steve-harvey-act-like-a-lady-think-like-a-man.html
Written by The Shadow.

Drama and Disagreement after the Legs Open

2009-02-15T18:06:00.000-08:00

The email correspondence began with, “I miss you”. A disclosure that begs for an identical sentiment. Unfortunately, the conversation below ended in the typical feminine outburst and with a brand of machismo innocence.

What is the usual result when a woman has invested her feelings (opened up her legs) while the man has not taken any action to become emotionally involved/connected (behaving like the animal he is)? DRAMA that rarely ends with the female admitting she may just be responsible for her very own pity party. DISAGREEMENT that relinquishes the male of any responsibility.

The Conversation

Good morning Mr. Man. I miss you. –The Female
Miss you too. No boyfriend yet? –The Male
Very funny.........don't see that happening any time soon. –The Female
I was serious. Has one of your old lovers replaced me? –The Male
Nope...no replacement. When I'm alone and needing to be touched I just imagine it's you instead of my hand. What about you? –The Female
I think you are not telling the truth. Sex is getting overrated to me. –The Male
New Years Eve was the last time. I've never lied to you. Do you remember that night we were up at 4am reading magazines because I couldn't sleep and no one felt like they had to talk? I like that. I do miss the sex (with you). I miss it a lot because we are good together, but I also miss how comfortable I am with you. That’s hard to come by. And by the way, you didn't answer my question. Just because you feel it's overrated doesn't mean you're not doing it. :o) –The Female
Wow. I think I've done it a few times since then. –The Male
So I guess I'm the one whose been replaced. I didn't realize how much that would hurt. It does. Wow! –The Female

The Ending

The female is hurt, disappointed, crushed, and/or feeling cheap. The male is standing his ground: “I did nothing wrong. I was honest from the beginning.”

Men Real Talk (Mr. Man 1 and Mr. Man 2)

I can't stop laughing. "we are good together". She can’t be serious. I wonder if women realize that men hear that a lot. I wonder if they realize that most sexual encounters with men are just that, a damn encounter. And, she's "hurt". I want to read your response to her “hurt” disclosure. Send it, man! –Mr. Man 1

At this stage I'm wise enough to allow women to stubbornly hold on to their self imposed fantasies which are often laced with deceit and manipulation. –Mr. Man 2

You are seriously not going to respond to her? Leaving her bewildered? Hurt? Disappointed? –Mr. Man 1

Yep. We have gone through this for 2 years. –Mr. Man 2

And, she still lingering with this pathetic ‘I am so hurt crap’? Is there more to the story? –Mr. Man 1

No. I told her that I could only provide her with sex. Of course, I treat her well when she is in my company. As I do all of my company. I have told her on several occasions that I have sex with other women. This is her choice. –Mr. Man 2

I just don't get it. You were that upfront - but she's "hurt". Just a failure to protect her feelings...in my book! Women set themselves up for their own pain! And, men end up the villains! I have said it time and time again: Men should not be responsible for making decisions to protect a females' feelings when they (men) are in fact NOT responsible for their emotions/feelings. Yes, we should not deliberately hurt women - but men cannot live their lives tiptoeing because a woman may get upset or hurt by a decision she MADE to satisfy her animalistic desire. Damn that shyt! You are in the clear! I guarantee you that she will call wanting you to ‘touch’ her. –Man 1

The Conversation continued after the Female spent a night of being “hurt”

Sex date Friday at lunch? Your place.................can I eat it? –The Male
You don't even have to ask.............all yours. –The Female

Men Real Talk continued

Mr. Man 1: She will be crying soon. All hurt again.
Mr. Man 2: Like you said, I am in the clear!

Assembled by The Shadow.

The Ratio Consequence

2009-01-31T12:36:00.000-08:00

*The Image (above): Random Dude up in a Vagina?*

I reluctantly went to a NYE's house party. Was tired and was afraid it would be a waste of my time. Thankfully, the party was fun. Friends, libation, and food. The makings of a good time. Oh! I forgot to mention plenty of women.

I am never the life of a party. What I typically do is eat and drink without socializing with unfamiliar folk. Don't need anymore friends, and to be very honest I am not that interested in meeting ANOTHER woman.

To the point:

We are at an age (late 30's) where getting a nut is not all that critical. Right? With this in mind, I went to the party with the expectation NOT to hook-up. This is my attitude all the time, by the way. I just want a 'lounge' environment. Unfortunately for me, living in Atlanta has proven that getting some azz just happens even when you don't care to bang. It is almost a guarantee! A guarantee that I wish on many occasions had better odds of being a ‘surprise upset’.

The Scenario:

Girl I met a year ago and have seen maybe three other times is at the party. She tight. Has all the trimmings: smart, body, beauty, and money. You know, the typical in Atlanta; and in most urban cities throughout the United States considering that too many black men are in prison, on their way to prison, at the cemetery, liking men, or so fed-up with black women that he got himself a Jack Johnson arm piece.

She has always flirted. I flirt back. She knows everything about my 'love life'. Knows it all. No lies/No secrets. Don’t have to hide anything in The A. Keep ya wedding band on, Niggas! Party is dying down. Girl goes next door to her friend's house to go to sleep. I decide to stay the night. Too liquored-up to drive. I go over to the girl's friend house to park my head on the sofa. Definitely my innocent intention. I called out for the girl. She answers. I enter the room where she plans 'to sleep'. She is in the bed naked. She made sure that I noticed that! She summons, “Just lay with me for a few.” I oblige. She says, "You men have it so easy. You leave a party. Find me in a bed. And, now, you are about to get some. Black women got it tough out here while you brothas just get p*ssy so easily. Please f*ck me good."

Sometimes I just want to stay home to avoid the plethora of azz. Grown azz man hiding from p*ssy.

The Reality as told by The Shadow:

In the A can be ridiculously easy. It is a non-challenge. The women are fine, intelligent, some wealthy - but psychologically jacked-up as a result of The Ratio. All this leaving America's FADING Mecca with a tough reality: Not a good place to find a wife or husband. Unless the brotha is willing to pull layer after layer back from the complex and bruised soul of America’s black women. Unless the sista is desperate enough to hang on while Mr. Man plays - and plays in the cheap Candy Store.

Well, well, well.

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

To Cheat God, my Wife, and Myself

2009-01-27T16:10:00.001-08:00

I have been married for 8 years. The first seven years were remarkable. I went into my marriage believing it would be a difficult adjustment for me. After being single for so long I was afraid that I would have a hard time adapting to sharing and compromising. I must admit that it has not been that tough. I attribute this to my wife. She has been my rock. My confidant. That special friend we all have needed or will need one day. It is her that’s made this new status blissful. But, like all good runs there are steep hills that can stop the best man/woman in his/her tracks.

For the past year my wife and I have NOT HAD SEX. It was not until the six month that I started to believe that we could be heading in the wrong direction. Going without sex for half a year after getting it at least 2-3 times a week for eight years has disrupted the flow of our marriage. Sex is certainly not everything – but it has been a part of our foundation.

We have used sex to procreate, for fun, for the good sensory feeling it brings, and to eliminate stress. Both of our children are older, and do not require the task that typically get in the way of a pleasing sexual experience. My wife claims she is “temporarily unmotivated”. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Baby, I am just going through something. I will be back to normal soon.” She has assured me that she does not have a health or psychological issue. So, what could be the problem?

I have not gained any weight. I am still “fine”. She tells me this every other day – but she ain’t following the compliments up with giving me the azz. At this point, I am extremely frustrated. I have prayed about this. Still no answer. Being that I am a saved man (a deacon in the church); I must say that I am spiritually conflicted too.

My flesh constantly pulls me toward satisfying that sexually urge and need. My mind tells me that cheating is not the answer. However, I feel CHEATED by my wife. Here I am, a dynamic father, great husband, and a devoted Christian – but I am currently in a predicament where my options are: go out and get some booty or wait this out with my wife. For another freaking year?!
To be quite frank, I have been more than patient. It has been a damn year without sex from my friend and lover. And, even more critical for me is I am pissed off at my wife for putting me in this complex spot: On the verge of breaking my commitment to God. This one factor angers me the most because I am at this crossroad of dishonoring my Lord. Ultimately, it will be God who I betray. The vows. The sanity of our union is at stake because my wife woke-up one morning, and decided she was tired of having sex. She has that right, of course. Nonetheless, we have a duty to please each other in the ways that we established prior to marriage and during our marriage.

She is not holding up her end of the deal, and if she does not deal appropriately I am going to end up Cheating God, my wife, and myself. No one wins under these circumstances. No one!

What shall I do?

Written by The Shadow. Story told by...

The Purpose

2009-01-27T15:42:00.000-08:00

On too many occasions the black man’s voice has been stifled by ‘the system’ that he has invested his faith, time, and trust. This act of non-inclusion and rejection single-handedly leads to pervasive frustration and all sorts of complexities that will and have contributed to the Plight of the Black Man. Included in this conflict is his ongoing attempts to be a ‘good man’. A decent man for his wife/girl, children, and community.

Some believe living in America is an easy task if only you are motivated to attain the American Dream. However, the black man has found the attainment to be somewhat littered with conflict: Downs.

One ‘down’ that’s typically prevalent in his daily life is his relationship with black women. Again, some believe the system I have referred to has been the culprit, the poison that has handicapped the black male-female relationship dynamic.

On this blog The Shadow will address issues of the black man. He will regurgitate the varying – but poignant occurrences of black men in written form. All situations have been shared with The Shadow over the years. With the permission of the black man (who was brave enough to share his story), The Shadow will make an attempt to retell the life event without any spin whatsoever.

On this sacred place of literary disclosure, The Shadow asks all readers to provide feedback, state an opinion, and/or continue to be silent.

-The Shadow